Brit’s new world premiere of her If You Seek Amy video is viewable here.  Thoughts?

As an aside, the story about the tour dancers that were fired after being given drug tests ended up being a, uh, false positive.  No dancers have been axed and everyone is clean as a whistle.  Carry on.

Okay, I’m just kidding.  Sort of.

Now, it’s totally just a widely-reported rumor at this point, but it’s a rumor I believe:  Jennifer Aniston got dumped by John Mayer when she returned from her European Marley & Me tour.  It’s classic commitment-phobe behavior; they took it to the next level and he freaked out.  And really, doesn’t this picture just say it all?  Sure, a few pictures of them on Oscar night showed more reciprocal affection, but seriously, most of them were of Jen looking like one of those clip-on plush Koala toys you put on your pencil in 1984.  Does anyone remember those?

I guess we’ll just have to stay tuned on this one.  John Mayer is working on an album right now and Aniston is set to start filming her sure-fire flop, The Baster.  And yes, I am predicting its failure based solely on the name of the flick.  How very shallow.

Yay!

She must have read my post from yesterday, because Puss ‘N’ Boots made damn sure to make a “candid” appearance for the photogs, leaving a friend’s house today. Clutching a plain ol’ Coca-Cola, of course.

ZOooooooomg I am sooo obsessed with this kid. He just electrifies a stage like none other. I mean, I often like a contestant and think to myself, “Sure, yeah, you’re good. I’d listen to your album. On Rhapsody. For free.” But for the first time in Idol history, I’ve was like, “Dude, I would pay good money to see him when he tours.”

In fairness, Adam’s a seasoned stage professional — check out one of his LA stage performances here — but still. I just lovelovelove when he comes up. He’s so great.

Here’s his take on Michael Jackson’s “Black and White.” Easily the best of the week.

Paris Hilton is wearing a large “D’ around her neck as she and fellow famewhore Douche Reinhardt parade their “true love” all over Hawaii.

We all know she’s not falling in love with this douchebag.

So what does the “D” stand for, in Paris’s mind?

Anne Heche and her boyfriend, actor James Tupper, welcomed son Atlas Heche Tupper over the weekend.

You’ll keep in mind that Anne’s first son (with Coley Laffoon) was named Homer, and I’m going make a huge leap of faith and assume that they named him after the Greek poet and not because Homer Simpson exhibits many of the traits they’d like to see in their progeny. (Ironically, you know, amidst his vices, Homer Simpson never left his wife and family to marry Anne Heche, which is more than can be said for James Tupper or Coley Laffoon.)

The meaning of the term “atlas” actually goes a bit deeper than the maps Miss Teen South Carolina thinks we should send to The Iran. Atlas is an important character in Greek mythology — one referenced, in fact, in one of Homer’s epic poems. In The Odyssey, he calls Atlas as “one who knows the depths of the whole sea, and keeps the tall pillars who hold heaven and earth asunder”.

In previous stories, Atlas is described as a man who got tricked into bearing the weight of the heavens and earth on his shoulders.

For this kid?

I think he’ll definitely end up earning his name.