Virgin Miley and her boyfriend, male model Justin Gaston were snapped at Mr. Chow’s restaurant last night.  Like the Ivy, this joint is where you go when you want to be seen.  I wouldn’t mind seeing Justin.  Naked.  In my bed.  With Johnny Depp on the other side of me.

Johnny Depp voices Jack Kahuna Laguna in SpongeBob SquarePants:  SpongeBob vs. The Big One.  I’ll take Johnny Depp’s big one anyday.  Even if it entails watching SpongeBob.  And that’s saying something.  Happy Friday!

Remember last year when Lindsay Lohan borrowed a fur coat from 1OAK nighclub?  The owner of the mink, Marsha Markova, called it “stealing” because Lindsay uh, borrowed it without asking and returned it three weeks later torn and reeking of smoke and booze.  Whatever…semantics can be so tiresome.

Borrowed or stolen, the case has been settled.  The amount Linds had to pay to Markova was undisclosed.  According to New York Post, the mink was worth $11,000 and Marsha was asking for $10,000 in compensation.  Seems reasonable.

Miley, are you taking notes?  I just think this Selena is so sweet and genuine and open.  You know, Hollywood hasn’t ruined her yet.  Could she be the one that can pull a Jodie Foster-segue from childhood to adulthood, keep her career going and her underwear on and not have a standing arrangement with a local rehab facility?  It’s almost too much to hope for.

Gomez graces the cover of April’s issue of Latina magazine, doesn’t want to talk about Miley and looks up to Britney Spears.  What else could you ask for?

On being a teen celebrity, including the perks and the pitfalls that come with it: “I always wanted this to be my life but I don’t want it to live my life for me.”

On admiring Britney Spears: “In a way, Britney can be someone to look up to. She was constantly being looked at and picked on, and it’s starting to happen to me. At the moment, I don’t have anything good they can pick on me with, but they’ll find something. Maybe I can be as strong.”

On being proud of her Latin roots: “I didn’t even realize what a big deal it was to be Latin at first. But then one day being with my dad, it hit me: it’s pretty neat to be Mexican. And there aren’t enough Latinas in Hollywood—or there are, but they don’t get the recognition. So to be able to come out here and use that, it’s really a powerful thing.”

On the so-called feud with fellow Disney star, Miley Cyrus: “I think Miley can agree with me. There are so many more things going on that are so much more important to us in our lives than wasting time on that stuff.”

Nicole Richie, Joel Madden, Ben Affleck and others gathered at a private residence to support EcoMom.  EcoMom focuses on things we can do every day to conserve, reuse and recycle.  Which poses a couple of questions:  1)  How many people showed up at this party driving big SUVs?  2)  How much electricity do you think is consumed at a huge mansion used to host “save our resource” themed parties?  3)  Why were there paper napkins on the tables in the background shots?  For some unknown reason, WireImage pulled these pics down almost immediately; you’ll have to take my word on the disposable paper goods.

Oh, and if you’re one of those people that enjoys stalking preggo bellies, there are a couple of pics of Nicole Richie in the gallery that should satisfy.

My all-time fave celeb ever finally got a job.  She’s back on the CW, bitches!

Despite rumors that she was going to be on Melrose Place, she has accepted a role on the Ashton Kutcher production, A Beautiful Life.  Really, how can you not cast Mischa in any program that has any form of the word “beauty” right in the title?

Mischa was happy to finally have a role, any role, to talk about:  “Ashton developed it about his life growing up as a model from Iowa, so it’s about the whole fashion world that he was in, and obviously I have a lot of friends in the fashion world, so I’m used to being around a lot of people in that.  [I play] a bitchy model-type character, like it’s a totally different character for me.”  Yes, because Mischa is totally connected.  Lots of friends in the fashion world.   In real life, so.  Not.  A.  Bitch.

A show about the fashion world; no wonder she’s been getting so skinny!  Of course, she was quick to dispel any eating disorder rumors, yet again:

“Like right now I’m supposedly too skinny. I just had to release a comment about how I’m eating enough and I’m healthy,” says Barton, who nibbled on a sweet onion tart with mushroom and a burger during the event. “I’m more concerned for young girls these days … and I think it’s important that you say I’m comfortable and I’m fine and you should to be too because it’s, like, silly … You’re always too skinny or too fat or too something.”

Mischa, you are always too something.  Too irrelevant.  Too annoying.  Too present.

I really am not sure what’s wrong with me.  Sure, I have celebs that annoy me or just generally stun me with their level of unearned fame, but this is different.  Celebuhate is akin to having a phobia.  There is no rational basis for it whatsoever.  But if you suffer the affliction, exposure can cause such a reaction.  I have a near-Pavlovian response to the mere mention of Mischa’s name.  I’m talking about a quickened pulse and sweating glistening.  There is not a thing in the world Mischa Barton could ever say that I would not find fault with.  Like, she could say, “I’m quitting acting so I can focus all my efforts on breastfeeding starving babies,” and I would immediately respond with, “Isn’t breast milk that is laced with drugs harmful to babies?”  At this point, I can’t control myself.

Maybe I need some sort of immersion therapy.  That’s it, I’m off to watch the first three seasons of The O.C.