Get it?  Do you get it?  I’m saying everything twice because Julia’s movie, Duplicity, tanked on its opening weekend.  Sigh…I make me laugh.

Here’s the deal:  Duplicity is probably a pretty good movie; it pulled in $14.4M.  But it’s where society is at right now.  We want senseless crap that requires as little processing as possible.  I think Dr. Phil calls the food version of this phenomenon Low Response Cost…vittles that you can mindlessly ingest.  Therefore, Duplicity was trumped by the #2 bromance flick, I Love You, Man which saw $18M in ticket sales.

Knowing was the number one movie of the weekend, pulling in $24.8M.  This film has to do with astrophysics and catastrophe avoidance.  Fuck, there goes that whole mindless fun theory.  Disproved once again.

Regardless of the reasons for Julia’s decline, what I really can never forgive or forget is Huffington Post’s headline regarding this week’s box office receipts:  Cage Creams Bromance And Julia Roberts.

Gross.  Gross.

1. “Knowing,” $24.8 million.

2. “I Love You, Man,” $18 million.

3. “Duplicity,” $14.4 million.

4. “Race to Witch Mountain,” $13 million.

5. “Watchmen,” $6.7 million.

6. “The Last House on the Left,” $5.9 million.

7. “Taken,” $4.1 million.

8. “Slumdog Millionaire,” $2.7 million.

9. “Tyler Perry’s Madea Goes to Jail,” $2.5 million.

10. “Coraline,” $2.1 million.

OMG you guys I was SO WORRIED about Miley and Mandy. After Miley declared Taylor Swift to be her best friend at the VMAs, and she kept making YouTube videos with her boyfriend and her sister and seemingly EVERYONE but Mandy, I thought this friendship for the ages was kaput. My heart was broken.

But NO! They’re back together again, encouraging people to vote for Miley in the Kids Choice Awards, which will take place this Saturday.

Will you be voting for Miley???

Ashton Kutcher tweeted his wife’s ass on Twitter.  That makes him a twat, right?  It would make him an ex-husband if he were married to me, but I’ve never been tolerant of men who refer to their spouses as “wifey” anyway.  Ah, that pesky Nikon celebrity endorser…

Demi Moore seriously has the best ass for a forty-six-year-old.  Is this a result of Kabbalah?  Because, I just tied about eighteen red strings around my wrist and I’ve already lost two pounds.  And I’m feeling way more holier.  Than thou, that is.

People reports that Today show host Matt Lauer had a little run-in this weekend with a deer.  Apparently Matt was riding his Schwinn, I don’t really know that he was riding a Schwinn but it sounds like “schwing” and I always feel that when Matt is around, and hit a deer.

Where in the world was Matt Lauer on Monday? Not on the Today show, due to a weekend incident as he was riding his bicycle, according to his NBC cohort Meredith Vieira.

Lauer encountered a deer while he was on the road, said Vieria, who wasn’t quite clear about whether or not Lauer and the animal smacked into one another. She seemed to doubt it.

Lauer, she informed viewers, “thinks the deer was hired by the competition.” Not true, Vieira insisted. “I hired the deer, but I said, ‘Just graze him.’ “

No real word on his injuries; I’ve been reading that he flipped over the handlebars of his bike.  Here’s hoping that all the king’s horses and all the king’s men can put him back together again.  Oh, dear.

Yep, our favorite mono-legged vegan has crawled into bed with Burger King as spokesperson to promote their new vegetarian burger.  In exchange for services provided, BK is leaving $6M on the ethical (as long as ethics don’t include taking money from burger-flinging fast food chains) meat shunner’s nightstand.  And by “shunned meat”, I mean Paul McCartney’s dick.

A spokesperson for Heather only had this to say:  “Heather has been a vegan ever since she lost her leg and she has been developing and refining vegan recipes ever since.”

I can’t fathom the dark depression I would plunge into if I lost a leg.  The only thing more devastating than losing a limb?  Losing bacon.

Good morning and Happy Monday!  Did you guys enjoy Evil Beet’s new writer Kelly as much as I did?  She had me laughing all weekend and I wished Monday would never come.  As a matter of fact, I looked in the mirror this morning and sighed, “Ah, you again?”  The only thing that can cure me of the Monday blues is to talk about love.

I don’t know if we can really categorize this as love, it could just be great head, but Josh Groban is reportedly hooking up with Katy Perry.  Now, when I say “hooking up” what I really mean is that someone, better known as “an unnamed source close to the couple,” probably saw the two of them simultaneously reach for the same dispenser at Yogurtland.  If they spoke to one another, that could be classified as “making wedding plans.”  I think we just have to stay tuned on this to see if any pictures of the two actually appearing within five hundred feet of each other ever crop up prior to acknowledging that the world’s weirdest union is unfolding right before our eyes.

Unrelated yet related in my scary mind:  Does anyone watch Ugly Betty?  I do, and I think Betty’s boyfriend Matt looks like Josh Groban.  I put him in the gallery just because.