Another great magazine bites the dust.  Blender closed up shop this week after ten years of print.

The magazine was owned by nut job Felix Dennis until 2007 when he sold Blender and Maxim to Alpha Media for the tidy sum of $250M.  Nice timing!  Incidentally, some of the highlights of Felix’s career and life:  jailed for corrupting children, the first person to say “cunt” live on British television, confessed to killing a man and then later retracted blaming the booze.

Subscription numbers fell 18% last year, ad sales were down 31% and plummeted another 57% in the first quarter of this year.  Magazines are just becoming so last decade.

There is something about an Indian woman orally fucking a burger that seems wholly improper to me.  But Top Chef’s Padma Lakshmi, the one who was raised vegetarian, is the newest celeb to toss out her self-respect for a Carl’s Jr. ad campaign.

Especially enjoyable is the skirt hike at about :14 (is that Spanx?), coupled with, “It reminds me of being in high school,” and a close up of Padma licking her arm like it’s an over-sized phallus.  I guess we know who the most popular girl at Lakshmi’s school was.

Ohhhh, that crazy Richard Hatch. Remember him? He’s the dude who won the first Survivor, then went to jail because he didn’t pay the taxes on his winnings. And then he said he didn’t pay the taxes because he’d caught CBS producers sneaking food to some of the other contestants, and in order to keep him quiet, they offered to pay his income taxes if he won. And then they, of course, didn’t. It’s all such insanity. So Rich is in jail, and now he wants out.

Hatch, who is representing himself, filed the request Tuesday in U.S. District Court in Providence. He is now serving a four-year and three-month sentence at a prison in West Virginia.

The reality TV star argued in a 43-page memo that he should be released because he is innocent, was represented by ineffective lawyers and that a judge improperly calculated his prison sentence.

“Hatch’s portrayal on ‘Survivor’ and his media-concocted caricature as villainous and manipulative continue to unfairly bleed into legal proceedings and wield unjust influence,” Hatch said.

U.S. District Court Judge William Smith has not yet ruled on the request.

Prosecutors will respond to Hatch’s motion in the coming weeks, said Tom Connell, a spokesman for the U.S. Attorney’s office.

In October, the U.S. Supreme Court refused to consider Hatch’s appeal.

This man is crazy, crazy, crazy. The point is, he didn’t pay his taxes. You gotta pay your taxes. You don’t have to like it, but you have to do it. Trust me, I’m trying to figure out how I’m gonna pay mine right now, and, frankly, jail sounds like a less stressful route.

So I’ve been listening to old England Dan songs, downing bottles of Two Buck Chuck and cruising around the internet when I came across this bullshit.  And I had to share.

Remember this dress which made Beyonce look like her jelly factory exploded?  Well, ages after the fact, her rep has released a statement because she’s under some impression we care:  “This is not a weight-gain issue.  Beyonce is in the best shape of her life. The exaggerated hips are a design element of a truly couture dress. Beyonce has always loved this dress.”  Yeah, whatever, padded hips-very attractive.

But here’s the “hold on one fucking New York minute,” part:  the rep also claims that the dress had to be taken in four inches in the waist as it was originally made for the 23-inch waisted Jerry Hall.  Now, I may have too much vino on the brain, but according to my pocket calculator, that means Beyonce has a nineteen-inch waist.

Hysterical laughing? Comments?

Dan Seals, the England Dan half of England Dan and John Ford Coley, passed away from complications of lymphoma last night.  He was only sixty-one years old.

Two of the bands biggest hits were, I’d Really Like To See You Tonight and Nights Are Forever.

Sigh.  Times have changed so much since 1976.  When I’d Really Like To See You Tonight was originally released, radio stations insisted on a re-recorded version in which the scandalous line “I’m not talking ’bout movin’ in,” was changed to “I’m not talking ’bout a millenium.”

Spark up a doobie for me and enjoy this clip, will ya?

I’m not sure what it’s all about, but it isn’t about fatherhood for Alfie Patten.

You may remember that Afie was being called the youngest father in Britain at one point.  Well, the DNA results are back-I totally feel like Maury Povich right now.  Thankfully, he is not a thirteen year-old dad.  I feel bad for this baby, though.

The Mirror reports:

The result will be a blow to Alfie who was “devastated” by the boys’ claims and “adored” Maisie.He was convinced he was the dad after a single night of unprotected sex with Chantelle.

Before he took the test, he said: “I didn’t know about DNA tests before but mum explained it’s when they do a swab in your mouth and it tells if you’re the dad. So if I have it, they can all shut up.”

His mum Nicole, 43, added at the time: “It had not even crossed Alfie’s mind whether Chantelle had not been faithful to him. He’s absolutely devastated that these lads say they slept with her.”

No word yet on who the biological father is; Apparently there were a couple of dudes in the running.  Thanks JLynn!

UPDATE: The Mirror, the original source of this story, has pulled their article.  Let’s stay tuned and see what’s really going on with all this wayward sperm business.