There are few shows that I watch with as much loyalty as Bravo’s Real Housewives of New York City. I haven’t seen such a concentrated group of bitches in one place since the cafeteria in high school. Or since the last mom’s group I tried to tolerate being a member of.
If you’ve been watching this season, you know that Luann, excuse me-Countess Luann de Lesseps, has been diligent in plugging her new book, Class With The Countess. This American Indian who grew up in Connecticut is a countess by injection marriage-and she talks about her title on every. Single. Episode. She has even written a book about manners-apparently New England natives who get fucked by counts have more class.
On one episode of RHNYC she had a luncheon for her teen daughter and friends in which she lectured them all on everything from water glasses to proper lap placement of a napkin. She admonished one fifteen-year-old for resting an arm on the table. What is the lesson here? Abuse prescription drugs if you must, but do not ever place your ulna on an eating surface!
Which begs the question: How ill-mannered would it be for Luann’s husband to leave her for an Ethiopian woman? Rude yet true. The Countess and the hubby who never answers her repeated “Where the hell are you?” calls, have split. New York Post reports it like this:
A close pal said, “They decided to separate. She got wind he was seeing somebody and he didn’t answer her when she called. He finally sent her an e-mail saying he was with an Ethiopian woman in Geneva and he was serious with her.”
The revelation came as a shock to the countess, who celebrated her 16th anniversary with her husband on March 16.
“Luann was blindsided. She was just devastated,” the close friend told Page Six. “They have basically lived apart for many years — he lives in Europe and comes and goes as he pleases, but she never thought this would happen.
“It has been very rough for her and the children [Victoria and Noel], but she’s taking the high road and will remain friends with him,” the source added. “She has no intention of making it bitter or becoming angry. She’s just trying to come to terms with [the separation and impending divorce]. She feels this is the ultimate test for her to handle this with dignity and grace.”
Which got me thinking-what happens when you marry in to countess-dom and then break up? Are you de-counted? Un-counted? I have concluded that this makes Luann dis-counted. And I imagine that life on the dis-count rack is far more offensive to Luann than using a salad fork to dine on tiramisu.
Wendie,
Amen, very well said!
HA-HA-HA!
if fuck-ing KNEW IT!!!
when he missed their daughter’s equestrian event and she was leaving voicemails, like “where are you? you’re supposed to be here…get her now!”
i was thinking to myself, “he’s not answering you because he’s busy giving hot beef injections to his mistress.” lol!
i love it when i’m right.
that smug bitch had it coming.
ha!
She will probably make people call her “Former Countess” or something. No way she is going to let people call her plain ole’ Luann after she harps on everyone to call her Countess. Didnt she even order pizza one time and tell the person it was for “Countess De lesseps”?
oh…AND, he broke up with her by EMAIL?!!!
OHHHH SNAP!
i betcha breakups by email are under the ‘declasse’ section of her lil’ manners book, huh?
burn!
p.s.- wendie, you are a rock star! thx :-)
Bethenny came up with the term “Discountess”. You didn’t create it.
dude, you totally beat me to it. bethenny did indeed, and even THIS season. :)
I GUESS SHE BETTER START “COUNTING” HER BLESSINGS! LOL
YOU CAN NEVER “COUNT” ON A MAN
LOL I CAN’T STAND HER! HA HA!
This really comes as no surprise considering she is his what, 4th wife? I feel bad for the kids. He never seems to be around, and how horrible was it last season when she was “dying to go out for a night” with her 21 year old niece and her son was begging her to stay because he never saw her? It was so sad! Then she dismissed it calling him needy! Ugh. I am so disgusted by that woman. Maybe she will actually try to be there for her kids and show some real class.
****update****
remember, when the ‘dis-countess’ was giving bethanny ‘unsolicited’ advice on dating men?
well, if you don’t…check out this biyotches website:
http://www.classwiththecountess.com (lol, i can’t stop laughing at this shit)
” Men love girls who like to have fun and who understand that femininity is essential to attraction….
Men love when women speak softly, listen intently, and act flirtatiously. A date should not be treated like a business meeting – it is a chance to be engaging, sexy and whimsical. It is by being elegantly provocative that a woman communicates her interest to a man.”
i guess her husband thinks differently, eh?
lololol, ahhhhhhhhhahahahahahahahahahahaha
ah, yeah…HEY BETHANY!…i betcha you are laughing your ass off, ain’tcha?!
what a jackass.
I saw Luanne’s big goofy ass at Flora and Henri in NYC (its a childrens clothing store btw)
She was taking up MY TIME by giving her reciept back to the lady behind the counter and making her RETYPE her fing name with the fing word COUNTESS in fronn of Luanne and then told the girl her name had been spelled wrong.
I didnt give a donkey dung pile who the hell this leathery asshole was standing in front of me so i said, ” NO YOU DONT! You are NOT American Royalty honey and I am buying this sh*t for a shwoer I need to attend in fifteen minutes so you can give your gad damn spelling lesson after I leave!”
She was not pleased with me so i told her to call the embassy and off Iwent to the borring arse shower!
TAKE THAT LEATHER FACE!
This was one year before her show aired. I can only imagine how she is now.
That’s awesome. Good for you!
LOL. I was trying to type that fast while doing soemthing else and look at all of those major errors in my story!
I bet Luanne would have hated to read all of my errors!
*evil laugh*
have you ever read her blog on bravo? she’s the one with bad grammar (i think “your” instead of “you’re”)– so don’t worry :)
you do know of course, that you are officially…
MY HE-RO!
whoa-ho!
take that, dis-countess hoighty-toighy.
lol
hhhhaa..this story is freakin hysterical. wow..she really is nuts..
i am OBSESSED w/ this show. maybe b/c i’m from ny..but this show is awesome.. i spoke to that ramona one once b.c i work in fashion and she called the designer to borrow a dress to wear to an event. when i spoke w/ her she sounded like a coked up scatterbrain, and the way she would flip out last season..well, i was convinced she was tte crazy one..but this season it’s all luane! she’s a lunatic! she must be so embarrassed! esp. after all that holier than tho countess crap. i don’t think she gets to stay a countess, but i would love to know for sure. i used to live next door to a duchess or something, and she wasn’t married, b/c her husband died..but she remained a duchess, so i dunno.. VERY INTERESTING!!!
I don’t understand your story. If your name is on a receipt, that usually means you used a credit card. The name just pops up naturally. There is no way to alter that on a retail computer.
As far as I know….
??
I agree with lisa. I don’t buy that ‘tom cruise” persons story. Sounds like a made up lie.
It wasnt a credit card reciept.
How about you hop on down to Flora and Henri and make a purchase?
Or call them up and ask about their retail software.
When you make a purchase the girl asks for your name. They store your information in what is called an “account”.
On this account you can look up past purchases and store your credit card information so people like me can call the store up and say things like, “this is Tom Cruise, I need this and this in a size 6. Use the card on my account. Please send it to such and such address”
It is a high end childrens clothing store, not K-mart. GOOGLE IT!
If you ever shop at any other deisgner show room you will find you get an itemized purchase reciept from the store as well as a credit card slip if you did not pay in cash.
Whts the reason for being such an asshole to me That Lisa?
yeah. riiiiigght “tom cruise”. …we are not impressed with your made up crap story. Does NOT work that way. Lies. Whatever. Who cares?
The Count comes from a place of NO….No more bitchy condesending Countess to deal with, that is.
I’d like to feel sorry for her, but I cannot. She is the epitome of pretention and classlessness, which makes her book all the more offensive.
And Rhoniluv….DITTO….as soon as I saw that phone call where she tore him a new asshole at the equestrian competition, I knew it was OVAH!
BTW – I CANNOT WAIT to see Bethanny take a piece outta that poser Kelly tonite. TEAM BETHANNY
oh yeah!
honey, you said it!
my man knows not to even CALL me, while i’m waiting this show.
(and no…i don’t have to worry about no ethiopians, thank you)
:-)
The “Count” isn’t even a real count. Wiki his name.
are you sayin’ he’s ‘a no-count count’ (get it, lol.. i know its corny)
*badump-bump*
OMG!!! I was totally thinking about that today —TEAM BETHANNY!!!
Kelly is a total biotch!! she went all psycho at the bar and everything she said to bethanny was so uncalled for.
Go skinny girl!!!
new york is not part of new england.
No, but Connecticut is, and that’s what she was referring to.
she’s a new england native b/c she was born in connecticut
I remember one episode where she demanded this one girl call her countess to her driver when they were going out. I cant remember the other girls name tho…she was younger, and she drank tequila and the “countess” was appalled by the fact that she wanted to do shots, and that she wasn’t proper. I remember that girl saying “get ova ya-self” tho. Classic.
I was wondering when you were going to cover this phony ass countess.
pssst….did you read the juicy gossip about LULU’s drunken escapade in NewYork magazine? It’s a doozy….she was plastered at a wedding and trying to grab evey guy’s wad and make out with their wives. OMG. I knew this marriage was a crock, more so than Alex and Simon. Oh and Bethenney did porn. We sure look classy in comparison don’t we girls? :)
bethenny did porn?? what??
Whaaaaaaat???????
Bethanny did porn!? I.MUST.SEE.IT, to believe it. Bethanny is just to “in cahrge” a gal to do that kinda thing, IMO.
That said, she certainly has the body for it. When I saw her knockers in that bikini in Miami scene last year, well, That chick has got a kick ass figure, and she will never die by drowning.
Simon is NAUSEATING, and He and Alex are the most pathetic social climbing wannabes I’ve ever seen.
This show is just solid fucking gold from start to finish!
I think your sources may be wrong Jennifer. I just just snooping around the internet and could find no mention of Bethenny in porn at all.
She did a movie where she was topless a lot, but from what I heard it wasnt a pornographic movie
Beth was in a B Movie called Hollywood Hills 90028 (1994) where she was running around topless. She’s owned up to it before. I love how she reduced that sunburnt cunt kelly to a little school girl. She stayed calm and made her grasp at straws for accusations. I love Betheney, Jill and Ramona (in that order). Kelly and Luann can go suck balls
did you hear one is being made for New Jersey. Can’t WAIT for that one!!!
oh shit!
where do i sign up?!
*sike*
(i don’t think my crummy prewar apt. would make the cut anyways. lol)
Oh please let there be a Carmella Soprano type!!! That would be awesome.
Oh, and there’s a screenshot of Bethenney topless out there on the internets. One of the guys in my office found it.
oh and this dress sucks. pretty color, but it makes her look all kinds of lumpy and misshapen.
oh, and I too, love this show. All the housewives’ shows. Jeana’s daughter (from OC) goes to my school. I was WAY too excited when I finally saw her.
I’m such a dork.
@ Lynn
re: ‘Simon is NAUSEATING’
_____________________________________________
i am CONVINCED he lived the earlier part of his life as a homosexual.
i’ve heard of gay men wanting to settle down with a wife to have children with due to very conservative values.
*tee-hee*
i know.
that explains much doesn’t it.
Girl, I am convinced he’s living THIS part of his life as a homosexual, too!!
He’s more doing more than picking out clothing in Alex’s CLOSET!
And their demon spawn both need a bath and a haircut.
HAHAHA!
Lynn you a mess, honey!
when they were in that ’boutique’ in brooklyn and he was sizing her up as she was trying on shit…i thought to myself this might as be Issac fucking Mizrahi or Marc Jacobs!
AAAAND!
look carefully at Alex. she is V-E-R-Y manish looking in the face and has a very square bony body…even androgynous (circa the calvin klein waif period).
definitely gay.
wow!
This show is my absolute favorite reality show (and the best out of all the Real Housewives). The orange county bitches talk so much shit about each other behind backs, but the NYC ones will talk shit straight to each other’s faces it’s awesome. That on top of the New York attitude is just freaking entertaining. I think Bethany is hilarious, and the desperation of Alex and Simon should be a reality show in itself. The shape of both of their heads is an oddity…
I’ve always hates Luanne. She’s beautiful and all, but ever since the whole “never introduce me to drivers as Luanne” bullshit. I’ve had a sore spot for the amazon bitch. I mean she couldn’t even deny how pretentious that was during the reunion show. People like that make me shiver with hatred. I can’t wait for tonight’s show. Bethany never holds back.
Oh my god! Did you watch tonight’s episode with Bethanny and Kelly going at it?! It was amazing.
bethany handled that erratic-bitch kelly like-a-pro!
it was a throw back to the ‘bettie davis/joan crawford’ era.
she was calm as a cucumber at that bar while kelly was ranting & raving like a lunatic.
bethany was poised & un-bothered.
LOVED IT!
***
also, who DIDN’T LOOOOOVE it when kelly’s ‘date’ was BORED-OUT-OF-HIS-MIND, while she was rehashing the whole bethany story?!
homeslice said (in his cheap euro-trash accent): “let zzit gooo, juzz let zzit go” AND THEN HE SAID:
“so, what are we doin, now?” i.e.:
“I DIDN’T COME TO LIZZEN TO DIS SHIT, LEZZ GET TO FUCKING BEESCH, I GOZZ A MIDNITE FLIGHT TO PARI”
LOL!
:-)
bethenny was paris hilton’s NANNY. she doesnt come from nowhere.
i dont particularly LIKE any of the women, each of them are irritating in their own way (as am I), but the show is fun to watch.
i think the countess is the most gorgeous woman on the show, but she is so laughable because she simply cannot see the way she comes across to others.
i dont know if i have a favorite. if i did i guess it would be bethenny.