Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Jesus Gets the Axe

Madonna, wearing her front lawn and grabbing Rhianna's ass

Madonna, wearing her front lawn and grabbing Rihanna's ass, cuz that's how she rolls.

Madonna has reportedly called it quits with Brazillian model and sometimes boyfriend Jesus Luz. Apparently she’d been considereing ending the fling for some time because she was afraid it might affect her chances of adopting another child from Malawi to be a little brother or sister for her son David.

Photos that surfaced of Jesus nailing a lingerie model put the proverbial nail in the wrists and feet.

Do you realize that the English translation of that guy’s name is “Jesus Light”? And that she dated a guy whose name is about as close as you can get phonetically to naming someone “God” without actually naming them “God”? Obsessed much?

I’m starting a betting pool where you can wager on the name of her next lover. Your choices are:

1. Joseph

2. Gud

3. Andchild

24 CommentsLeave a comment

  • oh. my. god. kelly, you get funnier and funnier with every post.

    and is this really surprising news when it’s about a woman who named herself ”madonna”? as in jesus’ mother? as in the virgin mary? i guess this just goes to prove how crazy she is–she thinks she has something in common with a virgin.

    great post :).

    • “madonna” was her mother’s name, and she was named after her (madonna louise). she did not name herself madonna. i thought everyone knew that, but just FYI.

    • Oh don’t be silly, haven’t you seen the pics of her …umm…bush…she clearly doesn’t have a lawn mower.

  • No offense to the previous weekend chick, but honestly Kelly, you are absolutely fab! Only Beet herself is more fab! I can’t stop laughing. Beet made SUCH a good decision! Yea Kelly!

  • God bless Mother Nature. She’s a single woman, too.

    That’s what I thought of when I saw that dress.

    • Hey didn’t you used to have the same avatar but smiling before? Do you know how to make them change facial expressions? That would be very cool.

  • Love your posts! I’m not a frequent commenter, but wanted to mention your first weekend has been awesome! I’m sure it will be a trend :o)

  • Actually “Gud” litterally means “God” in danish. Muchos inappropriate in Denmark, i guess.

  • “Photos that surfaced of Jesus nailing a lingerie model put the proverbial nail in the wrists and feet.”

    hahaha…Jesus is doing the nailing! good one ;)

  • I just read this post to my husband, who HATES that I read celebrity gossip, and even he got a kick out of the line about the proverbial nails.
    Kelly, you are gifted. For reals.

  • How about to continue with :
    4. Afrokid
    5. Hollywoodlandruntumtamdumblah
    6. Noah

    I bet she can pick a name she enjoys right outta our little list of totally suitable names :))

  • “Madonna, wearing her front lawn and grabbing Rihanna’s ass, cuz that’s how she rolls.”

    HAHAHAHAHA Viva Kelly!!

  • Pity about those bruises on Rihanna’s eyelids. Miss Rihanna needs schooling on style. She always looks hideous, like a tarty clown.