Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Miley Cyrus Joins the Literati

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Playing make-believe author isn’t just for Lauren Conrad anymore!

Guess who else “wrote” a “book”? Why, Miley Cyrus. It’s autobiographical, and I bet you can’t guess what the title is. I mean, I have about 800 potentially awesome titles for the Miley autobiography running around in my head like a bunch of coked-up Jonas Brothers, but she decided to go with the totally dull Miley Cyrus: Miles to Go. Le sigh.

Miley talks about how the other kids were really mean to her before she was famous, and I’m so excited to bring you these little pearls of literary genius plunked down by her ghost-writer:

Three girls strutted up and stood towering over me. My stomach churned. I clutched my grilled-cheese sandwich like it was the hand of my best friend

Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore. I wasn’t chicken. What could they do to me? I was surrounded by people. I stood up, still a foot shorter then they were, and said, ‘What’s your problem? What did I ever do to you?’

And my personal favorite, as she’s talking about beating out Taylor Momsen for the role of Hannah Montana, when she was like 12:

I didn’t dare forget the struggle. There was a reason for it. I brought that girl with me, and she reminds me to be compassionate,” she writes. “To not hold grudges. To be supportive. To be there for others when I know I’m needed.

Ohhhhhhhhh, the struggle!!!! IT IS CRUSHING ME.

There’s also some boring shit about Nick Jonas in there, if you care about that sort of thing.

23 CommentsLeave a comment

  • I’m sure Taylor is just crying into her cereal as we speak over losing the Hannah Montana role.

    The money would have been awesome but I think Jenny Humphrey and edgy fashion model is a much better role.

    Oh, and not being controlled by Disney is probably fantastic.

  • Ugh, gag me with a spoon. Isn’t it bad enough that she spews her life story on that stupid video blog? Now she expects people to want to read about it, too? I’m sure her life is full of turmoil. You know, all of the money, fame, unlimited wardrobe, endorsements, AND cute boys! Oh boy, Miley’s got it so bad!

    Oh the other hand, I would kill for this dress. It’s absolutely incredible!!!

  • I don’t understand the immense hatred for Miley Cyrus. Yes she’s extremely annoying, but really, lots of girls that age are. You can’t blame her for being famous and making TONS of money while doing it.

  • A bunch of kids a foot taller than her surround her. What could they possibly do to her?

    Beat her up. Hellooo.

    Those kids probably didn’t even want to harass her. They just wanted her autograph.

  • hahaha how is this a book?? welcome to EVERY single person’s elementary to middle school experience. shouldn’t you wait until you’re at least legal before you write about “how hard” your life has been? please, the girl’s been fed with a silver spoon since she could crawl, and we’re supposed to feel sympathy for her?

  • Wow, three paragraphs made me want to vomit, can you imagine the insipidness of the … what do you figure, 120 pages… “book?” Ugh.

  • I have found that clutching grilled cheese sandwiches end in a very sticky manner. Nothing worse than being the shortest person with a wrist full of melted cheese.

  • hahaha i’m not going to lie, i bought the book and read it. it actually wasn’t that bad but it had its moments of ridiculousness. however, it also had some really surprising moments and bits of information i was unaware of and i am a HUGEEEE miley fan.

    plus, she’s not going to be making all this money in about two years so she had to strike while the iron was still hot.

  • On the other hand, anything that gets kids to read a book instead of watching stupid shit like Hannah Montana on TV is probably to the plus side.

  • She probably needed more money for some decent teeth.
    Her teeth just irritate me the more I look at them because they’re so odd looking!

    I think she’s making a fool of everyone.
    She knows that the more horrible it is the more everyone will have to buy it and read it so they can find how exactly HOW painful it is and make fun of it.
    She’s a smart one…or her manager is and she’s an idiot teenager.
    Which is probably the more likely case.

  • Well
    how do i put this. I think you americans are beeing realy stupid. i´m almost laughing, you´re using too much time on criticise everybody else. just because you wanna be like them.. it´s totally absurt.

  • Oh come on! The title of the book is a double-double entendre. Miles, meaning both Miley and distance; To Go, meaning both portable and in the future. Whoever came up with the title should win an award. The only similar title I can think of is Enter the Dragon (the Bruce Lee movie).

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