Okay.  Now it’s making more sense.  As Soleil reported this weekend, Brit filed for and received restraining orders against “manager,” Sam Lufti and ex-pap, Adnan Ghalib.  I knew there had to be more to this story since we haven’t seen them in months and they seem to be non-factors at this point..

New legal documents that were just released, tell the rest of what went down.  Sam and Adnan hired a lawyer to contact Britney directly to offer to help her get her kids back.  Oh, in exchange for being the conservators of her estate:

You may not be aware of the fact that your civil rights were violated.

I have developed a legal strategy for you that I am confident will turn everything around, and ultimately garner you full custody of your children within approximately 30 to 60 days.

They will not be happy until they have denied you your freedom and milked you for your last dime. The custody case, as you know, is nothing more than a flat out extortion scheme, with your children being used as pawns.

Your case will continue to spiral until they have denied you your freedom, your children and your assets.

All I want is to see you win. I do not want anything in return and am willing to volunteer my time with you to see to it that you are successful in this custody case. I am not interested in publicity, money, or anything other than seeing you obtain full custody of your children.

Please recognize that aside from some anxiety and depression, which are totally normal under these circumstances, there is nothing wrong with you, but that the court system routinely engages in character assassination to conceal its internal bias and to break you down.

What they ultimately want is to get you into a conservatorship; at that point, your freedom will be denied, giving them the full opportunity to steal all of your money and to deny you any access to your children.

A hearing regarding the orders is scheduled for February 23rd.  Ghalib was served and Lufti, in hiding, has not been served yet.

Like an STD, it’s amazing how long a mistake can haunt you.

Britney is set to kick off her Circus tour on March 3rd in her home state of Louisiana.  According to TMZ, Brit and K-Fed came up with a workable plan allowing their kids to be with her on tour.  Three residences were to be set up in New Jersey, New Orleans and Los Angeles, where the kids would stay.  In between shows, Spears would travel to the house to be with her boys.  In addition, she would pay K-Fed $4,000 a week and he would be set up with a separate residence in each location.

Now, I’m not sure why she’s paying him $4k, and I don’t really care.  This is an agreement they hashed out without lawyers and court motions.  It’s called co-parenting; it’s a good thing.  I guess K-Fed’s legal team isn’t too thrilled.  They feel that Brit’s dad, Jamie, went behind their backs to set this up.  Well, yes.  If you can formulate an arrangement that works for everyone and doesn’t cost $3k an hour to implement, well, that’s positive.  But retained legal counsel tend to not appreciate non-billable hour parental efforts.

Anyway, K-Fed’s lawyers object to the arrangement but won’t cite specifically what they object to.  Britney has said that she will cancel her tour if her kids cannot come with her.

K-Fed, call in your dogs.  This tour must happen.

It looks like Madonna is still hanging with male model Jesus Luz; they were together this weekend in New York.

Hey, remember when Madonna was married to Sean Penn and released her True Blue album?  That was 1986; I was a freshman in high school and Luz was a developing fetus.  It’s ironic to think that the year that Papa Don’t Preach was a #1 hit, her boyfriend was forming his internal organs.  Just thought I’d give you a little perspective.

Doesn’t he look like he misses processed food, like, so bad?

Superbowl viewers in Tuscon got more than they bargained for last night.  With 2:48 left in the game, Comcast went a little nuts with the end zone celebrations.  And when I say “nuts”, I mean nuts in the most literal sense.

I mean, yeah, it was exciting that Arizona took the lead but wasn’t that enough?  Did Tusconians need porn too?

Click here for the totally NSFW or children, dick waving, so much more than a wardrobe malfunction video that Comcast customers in Tuscon were treated to in lieu of post touchdown commentary.  You’ll have to scroll down a bit to see the video.

Um, so, I’m basically unreachable by MySpace these days. I never check those accounts. (My apologies to those of you who have friend requests pending.) So it’s a relief to see that my old MySpace pal — and Verne Troyer’s former bedroom pal — Ranae Shrider has finally joined Facebook and added me as a friend.

Homegirl is NOT READY to settle for fifteen minutes of fame. She is going to STAY IN OUR FACES, beyotch.

Ranae posted a shitload of new photos and re-started her PR machine today by leaving messages on my wall and Wendie’s and probably every other gossip blogger’s on the planet. I have to admit, though, she looks awesome. I’m not sure if she had work done or if she just got a new hair and makeup person, but I do think she looks really good.

I’m sorry, I just can’t be that mean to her. This is the girl who emailed me this photo once upon a time, and I will forever be grateful. There’s just nothing in my life I love more than this photo:

Oh, no, wait, there’s now one I like better:

Whatever. There’s a soft spot in my heart for any girl who’s willing to sell out pictures of her pint-sized ex-lover in a lobster bib to extend her time in the spotlight. That is my kind of woman.

Ya look damn good, sweetie.

They’ve been dogged by a lot of break-up rumors lately, but Gossip Girl co-stars (and lovers?) Blake Lively and Penn Badgley didn’t seem to mind each other’s company at the DirectTV Celebrity Beach Bowl in St. Petersberg, Florida on Sunday. I’m rooting for those crazy kids!!

Also there: Brody Jenner and his girlfriend, Playmate Jayde Nicole, Cheetah Girl Adrienne Bailon, Chace Crawford, Joel and Benji Madden, and Christian Slater.

But did everyone watch Puppy Bowl????

Puppy Bowl was WAY BETTER than any stupid celebrity bowl. This year, THEY HAD A PUPPY STREAKER!