Oh, happy happy day!

Joey Boy Francis was arrested today after showing up five hours late for a U.S. court hearing.

What a moron!

The Girls Gone Wild founder was arrested Monday for showing up five hours late to a court hearing on his lawyer’s motion to step down as Francis’ counsel.

A bench warrant was issued this morning after Francis failed to show and he could not be reached by telephone 30 minutes after the hearing’s scheduled 8:30 a.m. start.

He ultimately showed up at 1:30, with lawyer Melissa A. Weinberger telling the court her client was suffering from the flu.

“He’s been as sick as can be,” she said outside the courtroom, adding that she would try to secure his release as soon as he was processed by federal marshals.

As for the MO behind the court date: Defense attorney Robert E. Barnes, who has been representing Francis on federal income tax evasion charges, filed court papers last week stating that his firm was through with the flesh-peddling entrepreneur due to “strategic differences of opinion.”

ZOMG!

Even his shady-ass defense attorney wants nothing to do with him anymore!

What a fuck up! This dude is so disgusting. Look at the ridiculously fake smile he has in ALL his photos. It’s like he has to force himself to display something comparable to actual human emotion. Like he has to think about how to smile.

I’m sure he’ll be out of jail in no time, but even if he just has to spend the night I’ll be a happy kiddo.

Rebecca Romijn, who is 36 years old and gave birth to two human beings on December 28, walked out of her house looking like this on Monday.

Ridiculous.

Even her vagina looks tight.

Nobody should be this small a month after birthing twins.

How are some people so genetically perfect?

Someone sent me the specs for the cattle call for Brit’s “If You Seek Amy” video (no union folks, thank you very much), and honestly I get 10-year-olds posting on Evil Beet about the things they want to do to Miley Cyrus’s “vergina” who have a stronger command of the English language than whoever wrote this shit. This is a truly embarrassing crucifixion of the written word. Britney probably wrote it herself.

Ahem:

SEXY BODIED PARTY PEOPLE / No Union Affiliation / Supporting / Male or Female / All Ethnicities / 18-25
sexy bodies…… edgy cool vibe with style
Wardrobe: edgy dark SEXY …prada …meets agent provocateur sexy lingerie ….. guys make it hot tuxudeo pants tight shirts etc…..
Rate: 200+20%

I like how this person knows how to spell “provocateur” but not “tuxedo.” What does that say about this country?

And also:

PAGEANT QUEENS / No Union Affiliation / Supporting / Female / Caucasian / 12-16
all american barbie’s
Wardrobe: gowns with tiara Makeup and hair ladies a must!
Rate: 250+20%

So, ya know, they’re paying white 12-year-olds more than the “all ethnicities” hard-bodied adults.

Plus:

“KEN DOLL” HUSBAND / No Union Affiliation / Featured / Male / Caucasian / 22-29
the perfect ken doll husband
Wardrobe: american…. J CREW… ALL THE WAY
Rate: $1000+20%

That last one is going to be the new headline for all my online dating profiles.

Describe myself in one sentence?

J CREW… ALL THE WAY!!!!1!!1

Anyway, if you want in, call your agent ASAP. They cast tomorrow and shoot on the 10th.

I thought today would be a sad day, what with the Cardinals losing last night and everything.

But it’s actually a happy day!

There’s a bench warrant out for Joe Francis’s arrest! Oh, happy, happy day!

He failed to show up for a court date for his tax evasion trial. And this is a federal trial and a U.S. judge issued the bench warrant.

This is some serious shit! Why would Joey Boy miss his court date?

PUT HIM IN JAIL FOREVER!!!

I am pretty sure everyone here is just doing their best Cate Blanchett impression.

Except for the Asian guy. He just hopes you have cocaine.

Woah.

I no longer think Christian Bale is hot.

Click here to listen to his loooooong and very frightening rant against what appears to be some manner of lighting tech on the Terminator: Salvation set. (WARNING: The audio starts automatically and contains profanity.)

I don’t care how hard your day has been, or how hard your co-workers are to deal with, there is just no excuse for this kind of an angry rant against someone who isn’t even fighting back. It accomplishes nothing, and Christian should be ashamed of himself. I hope he issues an apology for this and does something about his anger management issues. To be honest, I didn’t even listen to the whole thing. I got through about 30 seconds of it and just felt too mortified for everyone involved to continue.

I think people are more likely to understand why his mom and sister filed that verbal assault complaint with the police last year.