Last night was the LA premiere of He’s Just Not That Into You.  We already saw what anorex-shrek looked like, but what do you think of Scarlett Johansson’s new look?  I struggle every single time I write her last name.  I have a mental block against the spelling; the mnemonic device of “slutty Scarlett” has helped greatly.

Angie Dickinson Drew Barrymore was seen hugging Justin Long which should prompt a rash of “Drew and Mac Guy Reunited” stories; I was just grateful for the embrace so I didn’t have to look at the stains on his shirt or that frosted Revlon “Pink in the Afternoon” lipstick crap she’s so committed to lately.  Or her dress.  Or tongue ring…sigh.

The best Jennifer Aniston could do was an uncombed ponytail and unknown soap star, Jacqueline MacInnes Wood, accessorized her Long John Silver’s uniform with croc shoe boots and a large patent leather maxi-pad.  Kevin Connolly is still cute, Ben Affleck wishes he was dead and Jimmy Fallon’s wife is getting better looking with time.

I seriously cannot stop singing this song now.  Lucian Piane has done a remix of Christian Bale’s tantrum, called Bale Out.  Genius, really.

Oh, and if it’s not appropriate for the word “fuck” to repeatedly blare through your speakers, don’t play this at work.

Well here you have it. My final blog. And for those of you who are doubters or knockers, let me say that I never took a penny for my blog or anything I ever did for any of my children. I did what I did, out of love and concern, regardless of any of your opinions. I did it to help them, advance their careers and give them hope. I taught them that anything is possible if you really want it enough, and that when your heart is in the right place, God will make it all happen!

And although I have full confidence in Jonathan Jaxson (Who is the mastermind behind some of the best stories/blogs out there.), I have to say that when it comes to my innocent children, who are at risk and have nothing to do with the situation at hand, I have to respect their request.

Before I go, however, I must say that I received a text message from a very close and dear friend of Lindsay’s who I trust and admire. The text said, “between you and me you are doing the right thing. From what I hear, from Lindsay’s nearest and dearest friends, Lindsay is worse off than ever since she she has been with Sam. I told Dina that Lindsay needs you back in her life, and I think you know that I was the one who really helped Linds get into rehab.”
Without divulging this person’s identity, let me say that I know this person and I trust him/her very much. As a matter of fact, I spent time with him/her and wish that he/she was still part of Lindsay’s life.

For the record, when it comes to sexual preference, I am not biased. What matters most is the substance of an individual rather than their preference.It is the love and intent behind the relationship that matters. Something I can not give much credence to when it comes to Samantha. Just look at Samantha’s tax returns before she “engaged” Lindsay, and then after! Look at Lindsay’s career before Samantha and after! Look at all the things Lindsay accomplished and had going for her before Samantha and after. And finally, consider how Lindsay spent every holiday with her family before she met Samantha and then after. Would Lindsay ever leave her little sister in LA with Jenni, and leave with Samantha like she recently did when she went to Boston?! NEVER!

I was with Lindsay when she got out of Cirque Lodge. I saw and experienced the “old Lindsay” with so much hope and promise. I had full confidence in her. Then back came Samantha! Can’t you all see this? Am I speaking to stone walls? All I ask that you put your selves in my shoes and HONESTLY consider what you would do.

As I said, this is my final blog, and I hope what I have said and expressed to you and Lindsay, have a positive effect on your lives.

God Bless you ALL, be well and thank you for your input. Good, bad, positive, or negative, I have learned a lot from all of you.
Be Blessed!!!!

First of all, I don’t appreciate Michael Lohan addressing my knockers.  Offensive and inappropriate, okay?

As for the rest, don’t worry.  If this goes anything like his last truce, we can expect full-fledged rantings again within the next couple weeks.  A couple of other thoughts:

Does anyone else find it odd that the mysterious texting friend writes in the exact same style of sentence structure as Michael?  I wonder who he/she could be?  The poor comma usage is a clear indication that it was either written by him or me.

Michael mentions Jonathan Jaxson; that’s his publicist.  I feel confident Jaxson is making sure that Michael never takes a penny from his blog or for anything else he ever did for any of his children.  After all, isn’t that the purpose of a publicist?

Remember this guy from Britney’s “Toxic” video?

He also appeared as the sexy masseuse in the “Stacy’s Mom” video.

Matt Felker is definitely the male video vixen of our video generation, and, as many of you may have noticed over the years, my #1 personal crush. I think he’s just about the most perfect definition of male beauty I’ve ever seen. I ::heart:: Matt so much.

When I noticed a spot in the “If You Seek Amy” casting call for:

“KEN DOLL” HUSBAND / No Union Affiliation / Featured / Male / Caucasian / 22-29
the perfect ken doll husband
Wardrobe: american…. J CREW… ALL THE WAY
Rate: $1000+20%

I immediately thought of Matt. I mean, is there anyone who better resembles the perfect Ken Doll husband? All-American? J CREW….. ALL THE WAY???? That. Is. Matt. (Although I’m sure he’d be upset with me for this definition of him … “I do have a brain of my own, you know.”)

I know he’s way past working for $1000/day right now — he’s a big shot these days, producing a television show starring Sophie Monk, while preparing to film and star in a movie he wrote — but I just had to ask. Because, despite the fact that his film career is about to take off, he is still, at heart, a nice Wisconsin boy who makes time in his day to answer all my stupid stalkerish emails about Britney Spears videos. Nothing could make my life better than having him in this video. BRITNEY AND MATT FELKER TOGETHER AGAIN???

Oh. Hells. Yes.

“No,” was his response.

“Are you aware they’re casting tomorrow?”

“Yes, I am.”

“You’re not going in?”

“I don’t really do music videos anymore, Sash.”

“Not even for Britney?”

“Sweetie, I wish I could but … ”

“NOT EVEN FOR BRITNEY?”

“Look. If they call me, I’m open to it, okay? But I don’t think I’m gonna go in for the casting. I mean, I can’t even get a guest spot on One Tree Hill right now, so how do you think this’ll end?”

I told him I was going to post about this no matter what, because he NEEDS TO BE IN THIS VIDEO, and I asked for photos of him to use that would work well for the post. He begrudgingly sent a few over after I harrassed him about it for awhile. “I’m so Spencer Pratt right now,” he says as he emails the image files, which just endears him further to me.

Please please please BRITNEY PEOPLE!

If you’re paying ANY ATTENTION!!!

CALL MATT AND PUT HIM IN THIS VIDEO.

What a GREAT way to show how she’s come full-circle than to show that she can still land the same hottie Midwestern boy she could in her Toxic days … at least on-screen.

CALL. MATT. FELKER.

Matt is my favorite. This would be a fantastic full-circle video for Brit. Please please PLEASE???

Well, well, well.

Look who’s all grown up, gorgeous, and legs-tastic!

It’s Dakota Fanning, before a David Letterman appearance in NYC.

Wow, when did this happen? Dakota looks amazing. Stick your stupid Oscar nomination in these tiny shorts, Abigail Breslin.

Dakota’s only fourteen years old — but she’ll be fifteen on the 23rd.

I mean, this is definitely tasteful sexy … but is a look like this ever appropriate on a fourteen-year-old? Especially on a national stage?

Jennifer Connelly was totally the Starving Green Giant at the LA premiere of He’s Just Not That Into You.

Those shoulder pads aren’t fooling anyone, sweetheart!

You’re melting away!

But if you have to be all anorexic, you may as well do it in great shoes, right?