Remember when Jessica Simpson could sing? Me neither. Last night she opened for Rascal Flatts in Grand Rapids, Michigan and kind of fell apart. She forgot the words to her own song, “Come on Over”. As she began her last number, she told the audience that she felt like walking off the stage. And when she finally did walk off stage, she was wiping tears from her eyes.  So sad.

Boyfriend Tony Romo missed his flight to meet her which probably threw her totally off course. Or, she lost the key to the minibar in her room. Alright, alright…you didn’t think I was going to get through this without one food joke, did you? I’m done now. It kind of sounds like Jessica’s career might be too.

Video clip is of Jessica, last night, singing “These Boots Are Made For Walking”.  Revel in the talent.

“People are spending too much time modeling for some fucking clothing company instead of acting, and I resent it.  It’s like, ‘Are you going to do the Chanel ad today? I thought you were in the middle of shooting a fucking movie.’”

Sean Penn in a Rolling Stone interview, expressing his disgust towards actors who aren’t focused on their craft.  Pictured above, receiving his Oscar a few years back from Nicole Kidman, his co-star in the 2005 movie The Interpreter.  Oh, and former Chanel model.

It looks like Hayden Panettiere and Milo Ventimigla, the couple with the most obnoxiously difficult names to pronounce, are ovah.  According to this dude, Hayden was at Crown Bar making out with Jesse McCartney.  Not just making out, but, like, foreplaying (I bet you didn’t know foreplay could be verbed).  Ever the consummated professional, she did pause to sign autographs.  Can you imagine being the fan that interrupts that action?  “Uh, excuse me…Hayden?  Hi, I’m Suzi and I was just wondering…could I have your autograph?  Oh, sure, I can wait until you swallow.  No problem.”

And the real question that I’d like to have answered:  How is it that Hayden Pantyline keeps getting into bars?

Picture above is two years old.  Apparently, Pantyline has had designs on McCartney for quite some time.

Taylor Swift tells it like it is in the March issue of Self magazine.  If you don’t want to end up in unflattering lyric, don’t screw with Tay.

“If you don’t want me to write bad songs about you, then don’t do bad things,” Swift, 19, tells Self magazine in its March issue.

She lives by that simple mantra – and a commitment to writing honest songs. “I don’t think honesty is ever something you should regret,” Swift says. “I figure if I’m going to cover things up and try to hide the way I feel and try to be perfect all the time, people are going to see through that.

She continues: “And also, if you’re trying to change yourself all the time to adapt to what you think you should be, you’re going to run out of the things to be after a while.”

Still, the teen superstar says she’s a little surprised by how fervent her audience is. “What blows me away the most,” Swift says, “is that anyone actually cares what I have to say.”

But that doesn’t mean she’s unappreciative.

“If I sign an autograph for someone, I don’t put them in the category of ‘fan’ and keep them at arm’s length,” she says. “If we strike up a conversation and we like the same things and we have the same sense of humor, then they’re my friend.”

Sure, she’s all about honesty now.  Her PR team just hasn’t retooled her and knocked all of that refreshing youth out of her yet.  Soon enough she’ll be recanting and denying all over the place.

As far as making friends with autograph seekers, two words:  Rebecca Schaeffer.

Mad Men actress Christina Hendricks, chesticles run amok, at Tabu Ultra Lounge in Vegas.

Ugh.  I was really hoping this wouldn’t happen.  Etta James issued a sorta apology for the comments she made about Beyonce.

James told the New York Daily News, “I didn’t really mean anything.  Even as a little child, I’ve always had that comedian kind of attitude…That’s probably what went into it.  Nobody was getting mad at me in Seattle.  They were all laughing, and it was funny.”   She shared that her pre-song commentary didn’t come “from a vicious place” and also that she wasn’t too concerned about offending President Obama.  “He’s got other stuff [to worry about] besides Etta James.”

When asked if she felt that she would have performed “At Last” better than Beyonce, she did reply, “I think so. That’s a shame to say that.”

Thanks Etta.  Thanks for letting your publicist get the better of you and for giving in to the pressure of making a retraction.  Thanks for stripping away the biggest joy I’ve felt since Mischa’s last DUI.  Just, thanks.