It’s our first in-depth look at the Suleman family, courtesy of The Today Show.

I think that woman has eight more babies in her lips.

It was just a couple of weeks ago that Lily Allen announced she was off booze for a while and sticking to cocaine.  In that interview for, uh, Interview, Allen said that her drinking wasn’t out of control; she just didn’t want to provide any ammunition to the press.  She must have rethought that angle.

Now, Lily admits that last summer she passed out in bed and after awaking to a party in her house, couldn’t figure out how she got home.  She had to Google herself to piece together the events of the evening she attended the Glamour awards last July.

Now, I’m not trained in the field of substance abuse counseling, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say that self-Googling with the purpose of trying to figure out if you fucked someone, is a pretty solid sign of addiction.  Lily Allen better never fucking complain about the paparazzi.  If she keeps going at this pace, the paps pics may be able to help her figure out who the baby daddy is some day.  It’s like her own travelling Maury Povich Show.

Pictures above are of Lily on the ill-fated evening.  It’s difficult to believe that there weren’t any harsher drugs involved in a night that includes sky blue nails with matching pumps.

Can we issue a warrant for the arrest of Gwyneth Paltrow’s stylist?  Her Grammy ensemble left me dumb and blind for several minutes.

Also behind the scenes at the Grammy Awards, Nicole Kidman’s facial muscles have left the building, Queen Latifah is still working on her healthy weight, Leann Rimes’ husband struck the “Yes, she’s pregnant!” pose,  and Katy Perry’s performance dress completely cancels out all the positive that had been accomplished by her red carpet look.

He’s Just Not That Into You took the number one spot at the movies this weekend with a $27.5M haul.  I guarantee that it will be number one next weekend too.  Women will flood the theaters after not landing a Valentine’s Day date with the object of their affection.  May this be a good lesson:  If you are watching Drew Barrymore movies on February 14th instead of getting laid, he’s just not that into you.  Are we clear now?

May I share my own HJNTIY story?  Five years ago, Valentine’s Day also fell on the dreaded Saturday.  I had been dating a guy for a couple of months but he didn’t ask me out for The Big Day.  I received a call from a random online friend who was going to be in the area, asking if I wanted to meet up for drinks.  We met for drinks which evolved into dinner.  While our salads were being served, my cell rang and it was the guy I had been dating.  He called at 7:15 on Valentine’s night asking if I wanted to meet up for dinner.  Now that’s a guy who just wasn’t into me.  At all.  Thankfully, I let it go right to voicemail.  And married the online friend dude instead.

Okay, enough of that.  Other top movies for the weekend were Taken which took $20.3M and The Pink Panther 2 at $12M.  Dakota Fanning is slowly overtaking the world with movies in the number three spot Coraline ($16.3M) and number six spot Push ($10.2M).

1. “He’s Just Not That Into You,” $27.5 million.

2. “Taken,” $20.3 million.

3. “Coraline,” $16.3 million.

4. “The Pink Panther 2,” $12 million.

5. “Paul Blart: Mall Cop,” $11 million.

6. “Push,” $10.2 million.

7. “Slumdog Millionaire,” $7.4 million.

8. “Gran Torino,” $7.2 million.

9. “The Uninvited,” $6.4 million.

10. “Hotel for Dogs,” $5.8 million.

Usher cancelled his scheduled Saturday night appearance at Clive Davis’ pre-Grammy celebration due to a serious family emergency.  As it turns out, the crisis stems from plastic surgery gone wrong.

Usher’s wife, Tameka, underwent some sort of plastic surgery procedure in Brazil.  Since she popped out two kids in thirteen months, I’m voting tummy tuck, boob lift, lipo…oh screw it, full body overhaul.  Anyway, Usher has travelled to South America as well as Cedars-Sinai neurosurgeon, Gabriel Hunt.  A neurosurgeon?  This cannot be good.

What the hell was she doing in Brazil?  In the evil recesses of my brain, I can’t help but wonder if this wasn’t some sort of surgery/resort vacation bargain set up by Usher’s mother.  You know, the one refused to attend Usher and Tameka’s wedding.

Prayers to Usher and his family that this turns out okay.

Last night, ABC revealed the majority of the lineup for the upcoming season of Dancing With The Stars.  The network didn’t just release the names; they did this whole ridiculous, clue-giving, suspense thing throughout the hour during Extreme Home Makeover commercial breaks.  Are people really hanging on the edge of their sectionals, eyes glued to the screen, anxiously awaiting these announcements?  Unlike seasons past, I had actually heard of most of these, um, stars.

Contestants include Jewel and her husband Ty Murray, country singer Chuck Wicks and Olympic gymnast Shawn Johnson.  Access Hollywood star Nancy O’Dell will join Belinda Carlisle, Denise Richards, Lil’ Kim, Lawrence Taylor and Steve-O.  Gilles Marini, best known as the naked dude in the Sex And The City movie, will compete alongside David Allen Grier.  My pick to take it all?  Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak.  Computer geeks are killers on the dance floor.

Apparently more celebrity participants will be released on February 12th.  Season eight begins on March 9th.