Twilight‘s Robert Pattinson is really boring.  Last year while filming a movie in Spain, America’s favorite vampire had a stalker.  Now, let’s get the facts first:  this woman was fixated on the actor and stood outside his apartment all day, every day for hours and hours on end.  Creepy, right?  He got bored and went to dinner with her.  Who the hell intentionally dines with their obsessive pursuer?  Maybe he was operating under the theory that the crazy chicks are usually really good in bed.  Anyway, he ended up whining about his horrible life of fame and fortune which apparently bored her so much that he never saw or heard from her again.    It’s kind of sad when your very own stalker decides she’s not that into you.

Pattinson told Creme magazine that people tire of him within two minutes.  He’s right.  Yawn.

Grey’s Anatomy cast member, James Pickens Jr.,  has announced that Katherine Heigl and T.R. Knight are leaving the show.  Seriously, I don’t possess the blogger hate that seems so prevalent for Katherine Heigl, but it will be a nice reprieve to not have to listen to her constant bitching and complaining about the show that made her famous.  I just want to say “Listen, Katie, you were a nobody before Grey’s.  So suck it up, fuck your dead fiance and cash your paycheck.”  I don’t think there is any doubt that her character, Izzie, will be killed off in a tragic and final way.  Of course, dead never means dead on Grey’s.  Yeah, I don’t watch this suck ass show but even I know about Denny.

Knight, the much less hated departing doctor, is leaving to pursue other interests and will probably be written out in some open-ended way to allow for his return.

You guys, I’ve found my new favorite show.

It’s on TLC, and, each week, they follow three families whose children are competing in little-girl beauty pageants.

When I say “little girls,” I just want you to know that I am not talking about 12-year-olds. These girls are 6 or under. In the debut episode, one lady was competing her 2-year-old, who apparently started pageants as a 4-month-old. And she wasn’t kidding! There are BABIES at these pageants. In one of the episodes, they award “Best Hair” to a five-month-old baby with NO HAIR. And the baby who won? Was fast asleep during the crowning ceremony. BECAUSE SHE WAS A LITTLE BABY! I turned to Leo and said, “You know the last time that mother was present for a crowning? When she gave birth to that child last week.”

And they’re spray-tanning these little girls (it makes a 4-year-old cry — OF COURSE! Any reasonable 4-year-old would cry in one of those scary spray-tan machines. I’m 26 and they still scare me! Mostly because I think about that episode of Friends where Ross quadruple-tans just one side. But I digres…) and they put fake eyelashes on the girls and give them FAKE FRONT TEETH (they’re called “flippers”) to perfect their smiles when they’re in that tooth-losing stage of childhood.

And the moms keep talking about how much the kids looooove this, and the kids just keep crying and fussing and they obviously feel incredibly pressured by their parents.

On the most recent episode, this little girl Bella won, and she burst out into tears. Her mom was like, “Bella, you never cry at these!” and Bella was just sobbing, saying “I won back the money we spent!” And her mom was like, “Oh, it’s so nice to see her take such pride in her win,” when it’s obvious this 5-year-old had felt the families finances weighing on her own little shoulders.

I did see a handful of girls who seemed to actually enjoy the performance part of pageantry — and whose families seemed reasonable, didn’t spend a ton of money, and allowed the girls to go on stage without makeup or elaborate hair. But that was NOT THE NORM.

Anyway, I’m hooked beyond hooked. This is a subculture I find fascinating. I would watch hours and hours and hours of this stuff if you’d let me, and I will be eagerly awaiting future episodes, like the disturbed person that I am.

Have any of you seen this show?

What are your thoughts?

Here’s Dolly addressing the National Press Club Luncheon in DC on Tuesday.

Before you ask, she’s 63.

What, you thought we wouldn’t?

These awards are like the Grammys of awesomeness. I cooed the entire time I was looking through these pictures. SO CUTE!

I should note that Leo was specifically asked not to compete this year, because it would make it unfair for the rest of the competition. So, instead of being at the Westminster Dog Show right now, he is at home with me, attempting to eat my risotto after spending last night destroying one of my favorite sandals. Leo would win the award for Worst Behaved Puppy, hands-down.

A 29-year-old British model who has had over 100 plastic surgery operations (costing more than a million dollars) is checking into plastic surgery rehab in Malibu, California — and it’ll all be filmed for reality TV, of course.

“I’ve had so many operations that I can’t feel my stomach, my left breast, or anything under my right arm,” says Alicia Douvall, who first went under the knife as a teenager. “I’ve had 15 boob jobs. I’ve changed my eyes and nose, had facelifts. My philosophy is ‘if it can be changed, it will be’. It’s got to the stage where doctors in Britain refuse to treat me any more, so I’ve been flying to the US for surgery and lying about my medical history … Every two weeks, I’ll go see another doctor. Often I’ll walk in, not even knowing what I want doing, and say something like ‘what do you think might be wrong?’ or ‘what do you think of my eyes?’ I keep hoping I might wake up one day feeling happy with myself.”

“Imagine playing Russian roulette with your life,” Alicia says. “That’s what I’m doing. It’s out of control, and has cost me more than £1m. Before I decided to come to Malibu, I’d accepted that I was going to carry on with it until I was either bankrupt or dead.”

Alicia has been diagnosed with body dysmorphic disorder, and will be treated at Passages in Malibu with a host of other Z-listers for a television show called Rehab (which I think might only be airing on British TV, although I’m not sure). Passages is one of the uber-expensive, exclusive rehab facilities along the Malibu coastline, but, unlike most other treatment facilities, they don’t use the 12-step model, and they believe that alcoholism and addiction can be permanently cured — garnering them a nasty rap among professionals in the field.