I’ve never really watched Dancing with the Stars, but I may be getting into it this season, as I am super-psyched to watch both Shawn Johnson and, of course, The Woz.

Here’s Shawn leaving her first DWTS rehearsal in LA yesterday.

The only thing that would make this better is if they had Alicia Sacramone competing too. I guess it’s better they don’t, though. It would be very dangerous. Alicia would probably fall off the stage.

Oh, good.

That’s what I thought.

Because Octomom has started a website, the Nadya Suleman Family Website, so that you guys can encourage her behavior by giving her money and sending her gifts. You can also look at pictures of babies hooked up to all sorts of tubes and equipments, their skin strange colors and their faces in discomfort, because that is what happens to babies when you have eight of them at once. Don’t you want to encourage her to do this again? Yes yes. Give her money.

America is already well on the way to making Nadya the kind of star she’d always hoped she’d be at the expense of fourteen of her own flesh-and-blood children. Dateline ratings were double their usual audience when Ann Curry sat down with Octomom. Over 11 million of you tunred in to watch Nadya be crazy!

UGH I hate situations like this. It’s, like, part of you wants to give her money, because these babies are alive now, and shouldn’t have to suffer just because their mom is crazy, but you don’t want to give her money, because this behavior should in no way be encouraged. Stupid woman.

“Chris is a great guy. He’ll be all right. And Rihanna knows he loves her.”

Terrence Howard’s commentary to Hollywood TV regarding (alleged!) abuser Chris Brown.  You know what?  I can pretty much confidently state that a guy who chokes you into unconsciousness while vowing to kill you, does not love you.  His statement just reinforces the sick, “He only does it because he loves me so much,” mindset of an abused woman.

To give you some insight into this man’s mental health, other Terrence Howard gems of the past:

“I like women who look like me. Generally, you’re attracted to women who look like you, because the most beautiful thing in nature is your own reflection.”

Regarding his relationship deal-breaker:

“Toilet paper – and no baby wipes – in the bathroom. If they’re using dry paper, they aren’t washing all of themselves. It’s just unclean. So if I go in a woman’s house and see the toilet paper there, I’ll explain this. And if she doesn’t make the adjustment to baby wipes, I’ll know she’s not completely clean.”

Yes!  Please let this be true!  I know it’s only The Daily Mirror, but they are claiming that Mickey Rourke and Courtney Love have been dating for the past few weeks.  Wouldn’t it be great if these two turned into the next Bennifer?  Like, we could see them at every premiere and Waffle House opening with Red Bull cans in hand and white powder on their noses?  I can already see the OK! magazine cover of them with their crack-addicted twins and the headline, “Our Babies Changed Our Lives.”

Oh, I’m a dreamer and realistically nothing will come of these two, but I’m bored by all the couples out there now.  Everyone is happy and blissful and having twins and international adoptions and benefit parties for the environment.  I need some good old-fashioned drama.  Not Chris Brown and Rihanna drama.  I’m just craving DUI’s and hidden camera cocaine videos; I’m jonesing, really.

May I ask a question?  Really a series of questions:  If Rachael Ray hadn’t been sanctioned by Oprah, would anyone know who she is?  What is wrong with Rachael Ray’s voice and why won’t she fix it?  Would anyone be willing to sign a petition to outlaw the use of words such as “Yumm-o” and “Dee-lish”?  Thank you for any insight you can provide.

Salma Hayek taped a segment on The Rachael Ray Show, airing today, in which she talks about her amazing little wondertot.  Apparently little sixteen-month-old Valentina is tri-lingual; she can speak Spanish, French and English.  I have three children and I’d like to say that my kids weren’t, uh….mono-lingual at sixteen months.  But Valentina was made from Gucci sperm so she’s special.

Salma’s little United Nations interpreter-in-training also sees dead people.  Hayek told Rachael, “Last night she saw a ghost. I’m convinced.  Last night she woke up and her eyes were open. And she’s looking at one specific point and she’s going, ‘No no no no, au revoir,’ which means goodbye in French … And she’s looking at someone, but there’s no one there.  I was so scared, and I’m like, ‘Yes, au revoir, whoever you are, get out!’ And then she started saying it in English: ‘Bye bye, bye bye!’ I guess she was trying in different languages to see what nationality this ghost was to go away. It was terrifying!”

It’s time for a dose of honesty:  if a kid doesn’t have the intelligence to not shit themselves, they don’t have the intelligence to try out their smorgasbord of languages on an apparition to determine how to communicate on the most effective level.

Michelle Obama, photographed by Annie Leibovitz, on the March cover of Vogue.  I’m sure Ann Coulter is having a conniption fit over the Jackie O inspired sleeveless dress.  The First Lady’s dress is by designer Jason Wu, the man responsible for her inaugural ball gown.

Thoughts?