Lindsay looks perfectly healthy at yesterday’s Matthew Williamson store opening.  Wasn’t she too sick to fulfill one of her obligations just this weekend?  She recovered so quickly!  Man, Lindsay gets the best over the counter and prescribed drugs ever.  Linds, share!  I’ve been sick for five days now.

Miraculous pictures in gallery-standing next to Rachel Zoe actually makes Linds look like she has body fat.

“Parents should say, ‘Drugs might seem fun, but they do funny things to your brain. Some people react to it good, some don’t. Try it and see what you think.’”

The wildly intelligent Lily Allen, the last person that I’ll be taking parenting advice from, enlightening the masses in a Revu interview.  I want to tell Lily and all her followers this:  you can’t approach the topic of heroin with your children in the same fashion you approach, say, broccoli.

Allen’s spokesperson was quick to confirm that Lily does not condone the use of any illegal substances.  Clearly.

Reports are flying all over the place that Kate Moss is three months pregnant by boyfriend Jamie Hince.  The only glimmer of hope that this isn’t true is that this news item is being sourced from a News Of The World article that confirms her spermination.

Kate did go on a beer bender at a recent Roberto Cavalli photo shoot.  She showed up two hours late for the shoot, downed beer after beer while getting hair and makeup done, and walked out as soon as the session was over.  What does all this mean?  Well, hopefully it means that she’s just bloated from booze and isn’t actually manufacturing a human being.

Like many mysteries never to really be understood, how can so many adept and capable people struggle with infertility yet Kate Moss still has functioning ovaries?  Seriously, there are no answers.

Salma Hayek and father of her tri-lingual ghost hunter baby, billionaire Francois-Henri Pinault, married on Valentine’s Day in City Hall located in central Paris.

Though the couple split last summer, they were soon seen spending time together again, fueling reconciliation rumors.  Sounds like rich Gucci guy came up with a pre-nup that Salma and wondertot Valentina could live with.  With an estimated $16.9B fortune at stake, I certainly hope so!

Best of luck to the happy couple!

Funniest. Bit. Ever.

I die.

I am a true-blue Simpsons lover, and still watch it religiously and find it funny, but I have to admit that Family Guy may be taking its place as my favorite cartoon comedy on TV. Hey, since Amanda Bynes dumped Seth MacFarlane for that douchetard Doug Reinhardt, do you think he’s single??? And interested in dating a gossip blogger who thinks he’s a genius??? I may not quite have Amanda’s body, but at least I’d never date someone from The Hills.

Thanks to my Twitter friend Lndp4 for the YouTube link.

Katy Perry kissed a boy … and she liked it! (No, seriously, I would never make that joke. But trust me when I say that everyone else will.)

I just wrote about how Paris Hilton was getting it on with the man who invented the word “douchetard,” Doug Reinhardt.

So what’s her ex, Benji, going to do?

Snuggle all over Las Vegas with the worst live performer at this year’s Grammys (and that’s saying something!), Katy Perry.

Following her Valentine’s show at Hard Rock Hotel’s Wasted Space, Perry, 24, and Madden, 29, headed to Lavo – where the two conspicuously cuddled throughout the night, later prompting one observer to sense “some chemistry there.”

Madden, in town to deejay, even danced for Perry during several songs – and at those rare times when their hands weren’t on each other’s legs.

I like basically none of the people involved in any of this, but I have to say Benji comes out on top in this mess. Katy may not be much of a, ya know, singer, but at least she’s not famous for being annoying on reality TV. UPGRADE!