Yeah, that’s Paris Hilton “freestyling” with Snoop Dogg.

At least she’s not talking like a 5-year-old, per usual.

The Chicago Sun-Times is reporting that Rihanna had a really strong reaction when she first heard Chris Brown’s public apology for the violence that occurred between them; anger.  According to a longtime friend of the singer, Brown’s statement didn’t admit wrongdoing and therefore, wasn’t good enough.

”All of us, including Rihanna, don’t understand how he can say he’s sorry on the one hand, but still … does not admit any guilt,” said the source, adding, “He should have expressed more contrition.”

In Los Angeles, a close Rihanna associate — in daily contact with her — told this column Monday the entertainer is ”royally pissed off” by what Rihanna calls Brown’s ”cavalier and arrogant statement.”

Come on, Rihanna!  Make an official statement!  Let the world know that a vague “apology” from this asshat that isn’t taking accountability, is not okay!

You know it’s a slow news day when I resort to talking about Julia Roberts.  Oh, sure, she’s America’s sweetheart, but I still view her as a homewrecking slut who broke up a marriage and flaunts her loser husband around like he’s a Birkin.  It’s been years, but I’m bitter and I hold grudges.

Anyway, Julia is on the cover of March’s Allure magazine talking all about life with her hot husband, and by “hot” I mean “stolen”, and their three children.

“I will never be bored again,” the Oscar winner, 41, tells Allure for its March issue.

“Danny and I talk about, ‘What did we do with all the time we must have had?’ ” she says. “Because you don’t recognize it as such, until you have all these little … time thieves running around your house.”

Focused on raising her three children – twins Hazel and Phinnaeus, 4, and another son, Henry, 20 months – Roberts has become creative in using home remedies when it comes to removing a splinter.

“We get a lot of splinters in our house,” says Roberts, whose new movie is Duplicity, with Clive Owen.

“A splinter is just a good light, a pair of tweezers and a lot of singing songs and passing the time: La-la-la, now listen, if you eat all of your dinner It’s distraction and extraction.”

Really?  Julia doesn’t find splinter removal boring?  I can’t deal with her sanctimony.  Because I actually find most aspects of parenting to be completely fraught with tedium.  As a matter of fact, I have three peanut butter and jelly sandwiches that I’m supposed to be making right now and the thought of doing so is making me want to fling myself into traffic or drive a railroad spike into my forehead.  I need a nanny.  And I need Julia Roberts to leave the country.

CNN’s Zain Verjee needs to get laid, apparently.

American developers, with the support and guidance of Jackson Five’s Marlon, are building a slavery memorial in Nigeria.  Which sounds like a worthwhile project, in theory.  There will be a museum, a Jackson Five memorabilia collection, a five star hotel and, oh yes, I almost forgot….Ferris wheels and fried dough!  Because the only way you can get tourists to come and learn about slavery for five minutes is to have a Tilt-A-Whirl and some mini-golf to hold their attention for an extended stay.  Isn’t that sad?

Historians are upset about the project and feel that an amusement part is culturally insensitive.  However, Nigerians are focused on the 150,000 new jobs that are to be created at the park over the next five years.

So, the other night Paula Abdul hosted “An Evening With Jimmy Demers” in Hollywood.  Simon Cowell’s ex, Terri Seymour, was there to support.

When I looked at this picture, my initial question was, “Why does Paula Abdul have a man hand growing out of her shoulder?  And why is it cupping Terri’s tit?”  The entire awkward body and limb placement was almost enough to distract me from Paula’s massive camel toe.  Camel toe is too mild a phrase; she has an ass on her snatch.  An ass twat, if you will.  I almost overlooked Paula’s gargantuan ass twat.  I promise you though, I’ll never let that happen again.