Okay, okay, so it’s probably not going to happen, BUT …

Vivid Entertainment, one of the top adult film producers in the country, has officially offered Nadya Suleman $1M to get naked for them.

Do you think they’d make her have a shitload of plastic surgery first??? I mean, she is not exactly super fit right now, after carrying eight babies around inside her. Or are they just betting that people would buy it for the freak factor?

Or, more likely, they know she’ll pass, they just want the publicity …

BUT WHAT IF SHE SAID YES??? You never know with this crazy bitch. If only Angelina had a sex tape, then she’d be doing it for sure!

First off, I would like to say that I hope the President’s little talk was DAMN good last night, because I was all excited for Idol and THEN IT WASN’T ON. Total devastation. How could they just move my favorite television show without sending out a mass email to the whole country and asking if it was okay? Nobody thinks about my needs anymore.

But my little Idol obsession, Joanna Pacitti — who’s not even on the show anymore, due to ineligibility — is already proving to be the most famous Idol so far this season! She stepped out at the Jonas Brothers’ movie premiere last night with her new boyfriend: Dancing with the Stars‘ Mark Ballas!

“She is the most supportive person in my life and she’s been great,” said Mark. “We get to spend a lot of time together [and] we do pretty much everything together.”

Said Joanna: “We both get each other and understand schedules and even on a musical level, I’ve never met someone that’s so passionate about music … that’s what I live for, so it’s amazing to be with someone who gets it.”

And as for Idol? Joanna says she has no hard feelings. “I actually had an amazing time on the show and I met some amazing friends…Everything happens for a reason and it’s opened up a lot of opportunities.”

Yay Joanna! Now go record a good album and stay in the spotlight so I can continue my weird obsession with you.

The spin has begun.  After a mediocre, sorta, kinda, not really apology, Chris Brown has begun taken anger management classes.  Of course!  And they weren’t court ordered.  He’s just taking them to better himself.  I’m sure this tactic was not suggested by his PR team and has nothing to do with bettering his chances at his upcoming court date.

Why is it that abusers never take anger management classes prior to totally losing it and beating up people?  Like, Chris Brown never knew he had issues until he was punching Rihanna’s lights out?  He just had her pinned on the ground, bashing her, thinking, “Whoa…where’s all this venom coming from?  That came out of nowhere.  I obviously need to self-evaluate and get some help.”

It’s like all the killers that find Jesus on Death Row.  You couldn’t have searched a little earlier in the game?

So many times, I read some celebrity item and then never hear or read any follow-up.  So I just shelve it as a Must Have Just Been A Rumor.  Oh, how I wish this were one of those times.  Alas, it is not so.

Owen Wilson and Kate Hudson have been seen biking around Paris this week.  They are totally back together.

In my dating days, I had a rule about reconciliation.  If I hated a guy enough to dump him, there was no need to revisit that relationship.  Ever.  And I really wouldn’t be able to handle the guilt of thinking my boyfriend was going to open a vein if I tired of him.

I’m open-minded though.  Educate me.  Do relationships ever survive a second attempt?  And even such fairy tales exist, do these two numbnuts have what it takes to succeed?

Kanye West debuted his new girlfriend, Amber Rose, at Fashion Week.  It turns out, his new love has a few skeletons in the closet.  She’s not just a former stripper and nude model, and with a name like Amber Rose it’s practically a requirement to have such a career, but she’s also a former lesbian.  Her ex-girlfriend, Tre, is said to be devastated to have been dumped for the caps lock loving Kanye.

Pictures of Amber and Tre, in happier, pre-penis days, can be found here.

“When it’s a great movie, not just one that makes a lot of money.”

Twilight star Kristen Stewart’s father, responding to the question of when the ungrateful, bong-loving Kristen will be a presenter at the Oscars.