Seriously, nothing in the world makes me more sick than having to hear that Mini-Me is a sexaholic. Or having to hear about special condoms for “little men.” I assume that involves cutting the thumb off of a surgical glove, but really, I don’t want to know! However, nothing will ever stop News of the World from sharing the news that they have deemed we need to hear. Therefore, if I must suffer, you must suffer.
Genevieve Gallen, ex-wife of Austin Power’s actor Verne Troyer, is sharing all the details of her one year and one day marriage to the pocket perv. Their marriage ended four years ago. I have no idea why this interview is just being done now but I will assume that it has something to do with the general low supply of quality celeb gossip at this time.
On sex with Troyer:
We had to be creative—but because of my yoga experience I could get into the right positions to make it work. And I was soon head over heels in love with Verne.
We could have sex up to 10 times in a single day. We’d do it for 45 minutes and he would just keep on going as I had orgasm after orgasm.
He was a sex addict. He was then only the second man I’d ever slept with. He told me he’d had huge numbers of girls.
I would dress up in my sexiest lingerie every day and try all sorts of role-play games. Sometimes I dressed as a prostitute, other times a cheerleader—and even a schoolgirl.
I once put on a dark wig, some sexy lingerie and put on a Russian accent so he would think I was a high class call girl.
The horrifying story of their first night together:
I was nervous but determined we would do it that night. I had even researched what condoms to use for a little man. That night I put on a long red dress I knew would blow him away. It was our first night out together in public as a couple so I was determined to look my best.
We had a wonderful meal in the hotel’s restaurant—I had sushi and a couple of glasses of wine to get me in the mood. Verne had a club sandwich and they cut it into tiny little pieces for him, which was kind of embarrassing because they didn’t need to do that.
After that we went back to the room. Verne had put a little chair by the bed—which was huge—so he could hop on to it.
And he was really sweet and romantic. We talked and made out for a long time. Verne was not self-conscious about his body at all.
We made love three times that night. For me it was emotionally satisfying.
But I was surprised when I saw him naked for the first time that night—I had expected him to be better endowed. But Verne’s body is proportional all over, so he was smaller than I expected.
On his alcoholism:
One Valentine’s night, I tried to do something really special for him. I knew he liked the colour red, so I put on everything red, including red stockings, red garter belts, a red thong and patterned red shoes just how he liked them.
He seemed really excited and jumped up on the coffee table as he ordered me into different poses. He took some pictures of me and I was ready for a really beautiful night but before we could make love he was so drunk he passed out wearing his socks and boxers.
Back the fuck up. She researched what type of condoms to use? Can you imagine the Google auto complete on her laptop? I’m thinking it read something like : how to wrap a cocktail weenie.
Verne Troyer entering the Celebrity Big Brother house on January 2nd.
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