Could Pamela Anderson have found the man she wants to spend the next moon phase with?  She was spotted this weekend on a Malibu beach frolicking with her new mystery man and a wedgie.

Pam has lots going on this year and continues to wow me with both her beauty and brains.  Not only is she in great shape and hoping to make her fourteenth appearance in Playboy this year, but in her continued work on behalf of PETA, she has explained animal population to authorities in India by informing them that “Dogs don’t wear condoms.”  Apparently, she’s never had sex with my ex-boyfriend.

Oh, Miley, how you tire me.  I don’t know what is most upsetting about this picture.  The suede fringe boots, the leggings, or the fact that Miley wasn’t even alive during the heyday of Iron Maiden.  Virgins sure do dress differently than I remember.

It’s an odd day in my world when any Kevin James movie outsells a Clint Eastwood film. However, I’ve long since abandoned my efforts of trying to understand the human race.  Paul Blart:  Mall Cop made $33.8M and is on target to do a total of $40M over the four day weekend.  Even the president of worldwide distribution for Sony, Rory Bruer, is shocked; and that says something.  Bruer said, “We were hopeful we could do in the range of $25 million for four days and that would have been a terrific result for us. But now it looks like we’re going to do $40 million for four days, and that is just, like, a ‘wow’ number.” 

Eastwood’s Gran Torino dropped to second place with $22.8M and My Bloody Valentine opened up with $21.9M for third place.

The top ten movies for the weekend:

1. “Paul Blart: Mall Cop,” $33.8 million.

2. “Gran Torino,” $22.2 million.

3. “My Bloody Valentine 3-D,” $21.9 million.

4. “Notorious,” $21.5 million.

5. “Hotel for Dogs,” $17.7 million.

6. “Bride Wars,” $11.75 million.

7. “The Unborn,” $9.8 million.

8. “Defiance,” $9.2 million.

9. “Marley & Me,” $6.3 million.

10. “Slumdog Millionaire,” $5.9 million.

I’m more convinced than ever, that for a celeb to make an album in Hollywood, all they have to do is state that they are making an album.  Do actors even have to audition when they decide to abandon Hollywood to pursue their music career?  Or do they just start singing one day until someone leads them to a recording studio?   Because there is no way in hell Sean Combs actually heard Joaquin Phoenix rap prior to agreeing to produce his album. 

Joaquin Phoenix thinks he can rap.  I mean, this is a joke, right?  Is Punk’d still on the air?  You have to watch at 1:20 when no-talent appears to worn out to even properly spank his own ass. 

Video clip #1 is Joaquin rapping “his story” and video clip #2, at 0:32,  is Joaquin doing an impression of the projected path of record sales for his forthcoming album.

Katy Perry won the NRJ Music International Best Song of the Year award for I Kissed A Girl.  If you are anything like me, you may be wondering what the NRJ Music Awards even are.  Basically, it is yet another created excuse to have a fancy awards ceremony in an exotic location.  NRJ radio listeners vote online for their favorite artists in different categories and then they have an awards show in France. 

So, Katy won and accepted the award at the Cannes ceremony.  It turns out, she’s not the winner.  A vote miscount; how very Florida of them!  The true winner was Rihanna for her song, Disturbia.

This all feels so Brady Bunch to me.  Remember the episode when Jan was feeling all defeated by Marcia, Marcia, Marcia but then she won the essay contest and realized that she was special too?  Then, right before going onstage to be recognized, she discovered her score was added wrong and she came clean to the teacher.  Poor Jan; still a loser and though being honest was the right thing to do, it didn’t make her any more useful and certainly never put her in Marcia’s league.

Now that I think of it, I’m not really sure how Jan Brady relates to Katy Perry being stripped of her win, but bear with me.  I had a very traumatic hairdressing appointment yesterday involving bangs.  I’m not myself.

Okay, guys.  I really have every plan of letting this go after this post.  Seriously, Jeremy Piven is just such a big, fat, fucking liar that I need to share that sentiment every time the opportunity presents itself. 

Piv’s publicist released a statement regarding the pending grievance filed against Jeremy for his departure from the Broadway play Speed The Plow.  It’s so long; You can read it in it’s entirety here.  The gist:

The claims made by the producers of Speed-the-Plow are absurd and outrageous. Mr. Piven’s serious medical condition has been well documented by multiple physicians. He withdrew from the play due to medical necessity on the advice of his doctors, after he was hospitalized and warned by his physicians that enforced rest was necessary in order to avoid serious medical problems, including a heart attack. His symptoms included extreme fatigue, spacial problems, difficulty remembering his lines, difficulty maintaining his balance, and an alarmingly low resting heart rate. Mr. Piven followed his doctors’ advice, although his forced withdrawal from the show was an enormous personal disappointment since it was a life-long dream to perform on Broadway.

And because prayer is answered, the video above was emailed to me today.  It was made by the National Fisheries Institute as a rebuttal to Jeremy Piven’s ridiculous claim.

Whew.  Okay, thank you for listening.  I think I’m over it now.