Just yesterday, Michael Lohan was freaking out on his blog about the fact that Lindsay was hanging out with the devil incarnate- Samantha Ronson.  More likely, he just doesn’t know what the hell he’s talking about.

Today the awesome Karla emailed to let me know that Samantha has been working at Mansion in Ontario for the past couple of days and there has been no Linds in sight.  She even got a couple of candid shots of Sam with nothing but her turntable and a pail of beers!  I hear there was elbow touching too, but I’ll let Karla share those intimate details if she swings by.

Thanks K!

Jennifer Aniston needs to start consulting sperm banks if she’s serious about wanting kids.  Because she’s not getting any younger and it looks like John Mayer is the asshole I suspected he was.  Life & Style‘s email newsletter reports:

Either John Mayer has split from Jennifer Aniston or they have a very open relationship. The musician was spotted on an intimate date with a beautiful blond woman at Marix Tex Mex Restaurant in Santa Monica on January 28. “They were obviously on a date,” an insider tells In Touch.” He came in with her another time too and I’ve seen them out together.” While the two keep their romance under wraps, John couldn’t hold back his feelings for her when saying goodbye. “He gave her a long kiss before they left,” adds the insider. “John has been here six times in the last two weeks but never with Jen.”

Of course he hasn’t been there with Jen.  Of course he’s making out with a beautiful blond.  I knew when they were staying in Mexico, together yet apart for New Year’s Eve, that this relationship was off in the ditch.  I’ve dated enough talentless, pasty-faced, closet gay commitment-phobes to spot one anywhere.

Remember the California baby factory who just gave birth to octuplets?  More information is now being released about the family and it’s scary.  Like, flip your uterus inside out scary.  I feel like I’m being Punk’d hearing about these people; is this even real?

The mom is thirty-three, unmarried and lives with her parents.  She has six other children, including a set of twins, that are seven, six, five, three and two.  Fourteen children under the age of eight.  And the mother’s father is headed to Iraq to work as a contractor so he can help support this mess o’ children.  I hope his annual salary is, like, $450,000.

Do you think this woman is the reproductive equivalent of a plastic surgery addict?  Maybe she’s maxed out all her credit cards on IVF attempts and she’s still planning on more.

Do you think one woman and her mom are enough to raise fourteen children that are no more than seven years apart?  Even with all the free diapers, vacations and college educations that will be thrown at these kids, can they ever get sufficient individual attention and care?  The answer is no.

Kate Gosselin must be racing to the fertility clinic right now and begging the doctor to load her up.  But seriously, she’s got nothing to worry about.  This crazy lady is going to need her own station.

While totally sober Amy Winehouse continues to fuck and fucking annoy all the tourists in the Caribbean, her home in Camden was burgled.  According to police, the robbers stole guitars and recording equipment and left the scene before the police arrived.

According to her rep, Amy is very upset over the theft.  Of course she is; those valuables would have brought her lots of drug money, you know, when she pawned them.  Looks like she was beat to the punch.

Question:  why are people still talking about Amy Winehouse?

I think the writers over at Page Six have officially lost their minds.  They did a photo gallery titled “50 Fat Celebrities”.  So, I took a look, and sandwiched in among the likes of Kirstie Alley and Kathy Bates is Elisha Cuthbert.  You know, the hot, blond chick from 24?  I mean, did they just hit a point where they couldn’t think of anyone else so they just threw in some random picture?  Dudes, how about Raven Fucking Symone?  Raven I Love My Curves Symone dodged this bullet and Cuthbert, who admittedly does have some slightly unfortunate knee fat, is one of the top 50 fattest?

I’m feeling kind of depressed today and so did not need to wake up to this.  In fairness, I don’t know how old this picture of Elisha in a bikini is, but I have some in the gallery of Elisha over the past few months.  If this is the definition of fat, I’m scheduling my gastric bypass, stat.  Ah, poetry, and on only two hours of sleep.  You’re welcome.

My other issue is that they had dead dudes on the list like Elvis, Marlon Brando and Orson Welles.  It is my opinion that, once you kick off, you no longer have the privilege of a “Fat Celeb” title.

Other fatty title-holders include Kelly LeBrock, Rachel Hunter, Danielle Fishel and, yup, Jessica Simpson.

So, one of the plastic surgery websites recently ran a piece suggesting that Lady GaGa had a nose job recently. You can see their compare pic above.

To aid you guys in your diagnosis, I have posted in the thumbnails a bunch of pics of Lady GaGa before she had her signature look (well, she wasn’t blonde yet, but she already had the slutty thing down pat) — these pics are taken from Lollapalooza in 2007. The second set is of her commanding the DJ booth at some London club with Paris Hilton just this week.

What do you think?

Nose job or no?

Thanks Anthony!