Today's Evil Beet Gossip

How Is This Better Than Just Getting Old?


Suzanne Somers went on Oprah and lost her damn mind. She showed what I’m sure was a cringing audience her entire routine (with the exception of the vaginal injection) on air, which includes some 40 pills, hormone rubdowns, and exceptional suppression of the gag reflex (pssst it’s the secret to her marriage). Somers claims that doing this helps her beat the “Seven Dwarfs of Menopause: Itchy, Bitchy, Sleepy, Sweaty, Bloated, Forgetful and All Dried Up.” Fox News


She begins with rubbing a syringe of estrogen on one arm, every day. For two weeks out of the month, she rubs progesterone on the other.


After that, she injects estriol vaginally, which she graciously spared the audience from watching.

But it doesn’t end there.

She can’t start her day without taking 40 pills, 15 of which she downs in a thick, yellow smoothie her husband makes for her (she says it’s the secret to their marriage!). Then she ends her day with an additional 20 pills at night before bed.



Now, I’m not saying that Suzanne Somers doesn’t look amazing for a 62 year old, but she is starting to take on certain muppet-like qualities. I think I would rather age gracefully than vaginally inject ANYTHING ever or choke down a 15-pill smoothie. This is not natural. She says she’s “not against going under the knife” but wouldn’t it ultimately be easier and cheaper to do a little nip/tuck maintenance instead of rubbing raw hormones into your flesh? Not to mention I got “Bitchy, Sleepy, Sweaty, Bloated, Forgetful” dwarves kickin it at my place once a month for about 4 days and I’m 23. Those assholes are not limited to Menopause.

35 CommentsLeave a comment

  • She ought to give it up and just age gracefully. All those hormones can cause cancer. Didn’t she already have breast cancer?

  • Using hormone creams during menopause is normal for those who do not want to take on menopause with no help. The rest is just gross and she needs to realize she does not look like she did, and she never will. We all age.

  • Soleil, your writing is killing me. I read it 2x because it made no sense the first time. Correct your typos first, then please clarify whatever it is you are saying.

    It should read: “Suzanne Somers [WENT] on Oprah and lost her damn mind. She showed what I’m sure was a cringing audience her entire [MENOPAUSE?] routine ”

    In general, your posts are my least favorite, and you are kind of ruining this whole website for me.

    • The post made complete sense to me. Perhaps you ought to get lost and visit Perez The posts there might be at your reader level.

      • All of Soleil’s writing is a bit shoddy. Thats my opinion (although now certainly not my preference). Thanks for the suggestion, but I’m fine waiting until EB and Wendie return. Also, my comment to Soleil has very little to do with you. Soooo, I don’t care what makes sense to you, especially seeing as the first typo has in fact already been changed, and I would expect that to make sense now.

    • Thanks so much Megan, I certainly come here looking for the ramblings of a wanna be English teacher. What, didn’t you get the job? Aw, I am sure you came so close.

    • ewwww, MEGAN!


      If you can’t understand different writing styles that is your own [stupid] fault. UGH, I can’t deal with your ramblings either, so please do us all a favor and stick to another blog, [asshole].

  • OMG. I read this post and totally forgot it was the weekend, so I scrolled up to see who wrote it because it was so funny. Soleil, you fit in so well here. All three writers on this site are just superb!

    • Erin is right…all three girls are great.

      Now. I want to hear from ya’ll in 25 years to find out how YOU are managing with your own perimenopausal shit. I’m in my outing myself to be in my fucking, old-ass forties. There. I said it. So fucking what.

      My goddamn doctor has taken me off EVERYTHING to do some shitty bloodwork to find out what fucking “works best for me”. It won’t be 8000 supplements, I can tell you that. Hotflashes are a fucking bitch to deal with. Oh, and it gives you motherfucking Tourettes, too…and DON’T fucking tell me I’m “making fun of a very serious disorder that so many individuals deal with each and every day”.

      Oh. Sorry.

      I need hormones. Badly.

      • I am almost 43 and I don’t need hormones yet. I am with you on doing what it takes not to be miserable, however, I sure don’t want to be that person everyone makes fun of for trying to look 25 when I am 65.

  • eww suzanne still has that boiled chicken skin. like you can poke her arm and your entire finger would sink in. yuck.

    age gracefully and go hide someplace woman.

  • Taking on Muppet like qualities… That’s never a good thing. Not to mention the fact that muppets used to scare the shit out of me when I was little.

  • look @ her boobs! it looks like one’s bigger than anotther!!!!!!! i wonder if it was plastic surgery gone wrong. she combined them both and dicided 2 go out in public and show off her new creation. well, u know what lady?!?!?! don’t quit ur day job 2 become a bra disigner! it just doesn’t look right! i know 1 person that deffinetly wouldn’t buy that bra, and honey, that would be me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • You are absolutely right Megan. I didn’t mean to be a condescending jerk and a picky asshole. I apologize.

  • Soleil you cracked me up with the bit about the “dwarves” that visit every month. So true.

  • Wow, I guess I didn’t realize how freaking beautiful my 60 yr old mom is if you think she looks “amazing” for 62. Hooray for my genes!

  • When you are 23 you do not get to comment on aging gracefully. Wait till you get to 50. You will be using hormones of all types. Trust me, you have no clue.

    • Not true. I am 49 and did it Old School, like my mother and grandmother before me. You DON’T need hormones, at all. It’s a Passage in life. I don’t get cramps or bloating anymore, and have outlived my hot flashes. Sex is great because birth control is a thing of the past. Ask other women in your family for advice and work out what is best for YOU!

  • I never watched the Oprah thing but I did see her on Larry King. While the 40 pills and hormones is excessive, she seemed to know a lot about toxins in our water supply and such so I would get her book from the library.

  • The best thing one can do to not age is stay out of the dam sun. All the women my age that spent their youth at the beach now look ten years older than me and are running around to cosmetic surgeons. Sunscreen every day girls! Get a fake tan or you’ll regret it when you’re older. And don’t smoke, it CAUSES premature wrinkles.

  • i agree with drew about the sun – it is the worst thing you can do for your skin. my sweetie and i spend a month in mexico every winter and the american and canadian women there are all so tan and leathery, with sun spots on their faces and chests. the men are the same way, even the balding tops of their heads are brown and wrinkly.

  • Uh….the difference in the boob size could be from when she had breast cancer. Maybe she had part of it taken off, I don’t know.