Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Tom Cruise Handing In His Douche Card?


Yeah, no. Not really. But he wants you to think that he is.  Perception is reality, people! According to Star Tom’s PR people have put together a public appearance DO list to help boost his flaccid persona.


The Valkyrie actor’s overworked publicity team has put together a multipoint plan to bring him back to screen-idol status. Some of the dos and don’ts: You won’t hear Tom lecturing any talk show hosts (think: Matt Lauer!) about Scientology from now on. Also, to be more connected to the audience, he will stop wearing sunglasses on the red carpet, an insider tells Star. His PR team has also nixed showing up at premieres in fancy cars. “They don’t want him to seem arrogant during the recession!” are next to go.

But the flacks’ No. 1 priority? Winning back Tom’s female fans! Research showed that women turned against him after he criticized Brooke Shields‘ use of postpartum depression meds. So now Tom is making a concerted effort to appear on women-friendly programs like The View. “It’s all very calculated,” the insider says. are next to go.

Tom’s wife, Katie Holmes, is benefiting from the new rules, too! When they step out together, he has to be less hands-on. “Tom needs to quit grabbing her arm and pulling her around. The idea is to make him the kinder, gentler Tom, not a controlling husband with a Stepford wife.” are next to go.


As far as I’m concerned – if a team of people have to give you a list of things to stop doing so you don’t appear to be an arrogant asshole then you, my kind sir, are an arrogant asshole. There really are no two ways around it. I’ve never had even the tiniest most remote sexual feeling towards Tom Cruise. His mega denture smile, floppy hair, and shoe lifts do absolutely nothing for me. The fact that he’s practically miniature is just the icing on the cake. But I know that my taste is not everyone’s taste. So is this media makeover going to be enough to put you back in Tom’s corner? Can he win back your affections with his supposed charm?

28 CommentsLeave a comment

  • “The fact that his practically miniature is just the icing on the cake.”

    GOLD. hhahaa. thank you soleil.

    I agree with you. Tom cruise has never been attractive

  • i totally would have hit it before – i always say ‘ why did tom cruise have to become such a wack job? ‘

  • Can’t click on the links.. requests UN and PW, might wana doublecheck on that.

    On a side note, I agree with your “frigidity” (it IS a word. Isn’t it?) towards Tom.. he never got me wet in the panties. He’s ok to look at, as far as it’s not a full head-to-toe view of him standing next to .. aum.. anything over 150cm.

  • Yeah, I can be won over again. At the end of the day he’s a fucking awesome actor, period. The rest of the nonsense is easily overshadowed by his talent. Anyway, if I were a celeb and people saw me out and about with my husband they’d think he was a controlling nutjob since he (gasp) holds my arm/waist/etc, but I totally own his balls, so….

    • better than wendie, for sure. but throw a joke in there. beet is great at throwing a mean but sharply accurate joke in, it makes the post worth reading. focus on that way more than asking 3 questions at the end. we can comment on our own without being led

  • “if a team of people have to give you a list of things to stop doing so you don’t appear to be an arrogant asshole then you, my kind sir, are an arrogant asshole.”

    I LOLed and you are totally right.

    And welcome to the gang Soleil! I hope you’re ignoring the dillwad asshats who are giving you a hard time (just like when Wendie started), you’ve done some great posts so far!

  • I usually enjoy him in his movies, but I agree, he seems like a controlling asshole.
    Welcome Soleil! I’m enjoying your posts so far :) Keep up the good work.

  • I’m impressed with the sheer number of posts, Soleil. Usually it’s kind of slow on the weekends. Keep it up!! Loving it, loving you.

  • Sorry, no. I will fondly remember Tom Cruise in Top Gun, but he will forever be creepy a Scientologist to me.

    • i will fondly remember the top gun volleyball scene, like not at all. gayest scene ever in a major movie

  • call me unforgiving but:
    dissing Brooke Sheilds is unforgivable to me.
    I’m named after the woman, for pete’s sake! :P
    or just named Brooke because she popularized it… whatever.
    his publicists can tell him to act a certain way, but we’ve all already been familiarized with the real Tom.

  • So I tip my hat to the new girl, I’m throughly enjoying the witty posts. Anyone see tommy boy at the golden globes? He sure spent good money on the work he’s gotten done. I personally have said myself “to bad he lost his marbles” sorry, as much as I admire his acting ability, his persona makes me makes my hair stand up and gives me that creepy shiver. I’m also glad nicole kidman and her forehead escaped his grasp and pity poor stepford kat’I’e

  • Thank god, someone else doesn’t get the whole Tom Cruise thing! He is so bland. I just don’t get it.

  • he probably went back into the volcano and the aliens told him to calm down. and if by hand in his douche card you mean take it from behind by will smith, then maybe, yes

  • Always found him creepy, always will. No amount of publicity stunts will ever change this. There is just something in his eyes, like he is trying too hard to keep it together or something. Also find him overrated as an actor. The only movie he’s good in is Magnolia.

    Welcome Soleil! I think its good to have a new voice on the blog. On the quote there is copy & paste error, as all paragraphs end in the words “are next to go.” So some more proof-reading is my nitpicking wish. :)

  • I never loved him, I never hated him. If he does a good movie, I’ll see it. I don’t care about his scientology, and if his wife wants to be led around, she’s an adult and it’s her choice. So my feelings won’t change.

  • Anyone care place a wager?

    I say, there is no way in hell this guy can do it for that long.

    Something will go down, maybe not this year, but something
    will happen and he’ll screw up. How can you tell a guy who
    thinks his shit doesn’t stink to do other than what he wants?

    He’s going to fuck up, because…
    He lives on his own planet, and we are just visitors bugging him!

    (nice to have you here- Soleil, love that name! : )

  • omg! Is this the new weekend writer? Cause she bloooooooows majorly. There was absolutely nothing even remotely amusing, witty, or intelligent about any of her posts so far. This website will surely deteriorate quickly. Readers come on here and become fans because of Beet and her quirky blogs. Now we are seeing less and less of her so why even continue with the site at all?

  • What has happened to the Cruise? He was a GOD in the 80’s. Does Hollywood turn you into an egotistical cult following goob or are you born that way?

    It’ll be interesting to see how the kids turn out.