Today's Evil Beet Gossip

I Wear A Stupid Headband From Your Collection And Pretend To Be Your Friend, But I’m Secretly Laughing at You Because Your Cutlets Are Showing And I Have No Intention of Telling You

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Sadly, no one told her all night.  Every rack picture of Nicole Richie at The Art of Elysium 2nd Annual Heaven Gala is the same.  Exposed cutlets.  In the photo gallery, there is another picture of Richie with Milla Jovovich that can only be interpreted as  “You’re pregnant?  Congratulations!”  So when Nicole and Joel make their announcement, remember you heard it here first.

I have a dress fetish.  I think I’ve mentioned it before.  There are probably sixty dresses in my closet that have never seen the light of day.  I have kids that throw tater tots at me for target practice; fleece is my life.  Yet I still accumulate these dresses in the hopes that I may someday have a reason to wear fabric made from materials that are actually found in nature.  Until that time comes, I fixate on gowns worn by the famous and work through my addiction by crafting obscenely large photo galleries here on Evil Beet.

Speaking of (kind of) famous, my phone rang last week and it was Patricia Arquette.  She was like “zOMG, can I please, please, please borrow your junior prom dress?  I want to wear it to the The Art of Elysium 2nd Annual Heaven Gala next week!”  I eventually relented but told her that she’d have to find her own inappropriate, clunky platform pumps.  Sadly, she obeyed.

Also, is anyone planning on seeing Trudie Styler any time soon?  If you are, could you please ask to see her license?  And then show her the date on said license.  Inform her that she’s approaching sixty.  If ever there was a time to abandon sequin miniskirts, sixty would be that time.  She can keep the tantric fucking…the skirt has to go.

And since I’m secretly convinced that Richie is knocked up, Kate Bosworth is my new focus.  I know she has a fast metabolism, but when your forehead is looking too skinny to the point that your cranium veins are showing, it’s time to stop smiling at your dinner plate and start eating what’s on it.

Finally, a simple question that I need answers to:  What the hell happened to Shannen Doherty?

I haven’t even had caffeine yet today; I told you dresses excite me.  They are, like, my Red Bull and methamphetamine cocktail.

 

16 CommentsLeave a comment

  • Me too, Wendie!!!!!I have a dress fetish and I collect silk dresses and not only. Reading your lines made me smile as I felt we are so much alike in the dress department. Yay, I am not the only dress obsessed put there. :D

    Yesterday I bought this bubble shaped navy blue gorgeous knee length dress I am already fantasizing where to were it, not that I have any place, hahahha.

  • Trudie looks great, its STING who needs to change up that fucking ugly racoon that seems to be living on his face!

  • I think it’s tit tape so the dress doesn’t fall down, not any added cutlet thing. Either way, she really should have gotten that altered and bought some better corset or strapless bra. Maybe she is pregnant again!

  • Its a cutlet, they’re sticky and stick right on your tatas and snap together in the middle to give the appearance of better cleavage. It looks like the kind shes wearing are the ones that are squishy so if someone grabbed your boob it’d feel like a real boob.
    I wore them bitches to prom.

  • Sophia Bush kind of looks like she’s wearing a sheet… and somehow I can’t bring myself to think she looks anything less than amazing.

  • Wendie every time I consider a comment on this site stupid, if not utterly fucking irrelevant it was you that wrote it.

  • did someone same dress fetish?

    i’m wearing my dvf ‘jeanne’ wrap dress as we speak ladies.

    like, hel-lo.