Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Michael Phelps Can’t Fit in a Mazda, But He’s Gonna Help Sell It

michael phelps

When I read that Michael Phelps would be traveling to China as part of a seven-figure deal to endorse the new Mazda 6 model in a series of ad campaigns and personal appearances, I just had this sudden influx of mental images of Michael Phelps and his size-fourteen penis cramped into a little Miata. Heh.

But it’s looking like it could be the largest single sponsorship deal for a Western celebrity in China’s history.

And you people can say what you want about Michael Phelps, but, twenty years from now, no one will remember his eight Olympic gold medals or the fact that he spent the following year whoring himself out to every company who would take him. But Michael Phelps will still be driving eight expensive sports cars around his own private island and fucking supermodels with the eleventy gazillion dollars he’s going to make this year. Rock on, Michael.

9 CommentsLeave a comment

  • maybe he can afford to fix his teeth while he’s at it. Man he would be hot if he did that …

    • too bad he can’t fix that jaw. trying to fit that thing in a car would be like the scene from the opening of the Flintstones where he orders that rib and it tips the car over. that jaw would do the same thing.

    • It will take a lot more than money to fix that face, I’m thinking miracle or some type of divine intervention. No way will he ever be “hot”, at least from the neck up.

  • no, he is going to marry one of these hookers and take on all her whorish children, and then they will have a reality show in which he goes through a midlife crisis once he realizes that his wife is crazy and his step-daughters are attention-starved hookers.
    Im jus’ sayin.