Taylor Swift is UNBEATABLE.

The 16-year-old phenom is #1 on the Billboard charts AGAIN.

Unfuckingbelievable, Taylor.

Keyshia Cole came in at #2 and Jamie Foxx’s Intuition is at #3. Britney fell to #4, Beyonce to #5, and Fall Out Boy’s Folie a Deux debuted at a disappointing #8. If only Ashlee had popped out twins!

Seriously, though, how hard does Taylor Swift rock???

The next time this hottie superstar sees a Jonas Brother it’ll be on a Where Are They Now? VH1 special. BOO-YAH!

Thanks Brian!

Don’t get all excited.  Evil Beet is not for sale.  Under the right circumstances, she could be for rent though.  In other words, contact me if you are single, Jewish and not on a work-release program and we’ll see what we can work out.

Defamer, one of the more misbehaved children of the Gawker family, has been kicked out on it’s ass.  Or, you know, it’s for sale.  If you happen to have enough money to actually buy it, and you meet the above-listed criteria, email me.  I’ve got just the vegan half  marathoner woman for you and bringing Defamer to the door would go so much further than the cliche flowers and/or candy.  If you’re still on the fence, I’ll leave you with this:  She can suck a softball through a drinking straw.  Seriously, email me.

I’m truly not trying to shake your faith in mankind but there does seem to be a theft and betrayal theme to the celebrity news stories tonight.

Darryl McCauley, manager to comedian Dane Cook, was arrested today on larceny and forgery charges.  In one incident, McCauley allegedly transferred $3 million from Cook’s account into his own.  It goes to show you how stupid criminals can be.  Did he really think Dane wouldn’t notice $3 million missing? 

Stealing from your boss is bad enough but here’s the real Happy Holidays for you:  Did I mention that McCauley is Dane Cook’s brother?  Yes, the fuck over came from his very own flesh and blood.

Kevin Bacon’s rep, Allen Eichorn, confirms that his client and wife Kyra Sedgwick are victims of Bernie Madoff’s Ponzi scheme.  There have been rumors that they lost everything except their checking account.  Normally, I’d find that hard to believe.  Bacon was smart enough not to make a Footloose 2 and I’d like to think he’d be smart enough to not entrust his fortune to any one human being.   Eichorn responded to the rumors by saying  “Please, let’s not speculate or rely on hearsay.”  Seriously, that doesn’t sound too reassuring.

How much do you think Kristin Cavallari had to pay the paparazzi to photograph her getting off her flight in Miami today?

Or were they already at the airport to wait for someone else?

She probably spent the last hour of the flight perfecting that rumpled, just-got-off-an-airplane look.

“Our seven-year-old rips it, man. He’s fantastic, so good. It’s really humiliating – but we’re really proud of him.”

Brad Pitt, talking to Hello! magazine about how he and Angelina are struggling to learn French, while Maddox is already nearly fluent.

They pick up languages so fast at that age!

Plus, research shows that learning a second language before the age of 12 makes it much easier to pick up additional languages later in life. This is why American schools need to mandate foreign language courses in elementary and middle schools, rather than waiting until high school to teach kids other languages! Get on the ball, America!