Just when I think I’ve heard all there is to hear about Amy Winehouse, there’s more.  The end of the year offers an opportunity to look back on the past 365 days and reflect how your life has changed.  Can anyone tell me how Amy Winehouse’s life is one coke gram different than it was a year ago?

Alex Haines, the dude that Amy started screwing when her Blaaaaaake was in jail, has granted a tell-all interview to News of the World.  Can you even imagine what the People Who Share Drugs and Bodily Fluids With Amy Winehouse interview budget must be over at NOTW?  If nothing else, I love that they capitalize all the words that they feel are the most critical.  CRACK!  BREAKFAST!  HIS TOOTHBRUSH!  THROW UP!  It really makes for efficient reading.

On drugs:

Alex Haines tells how the singer smoked CRACK for BREAKFAST from pipes she made out of drinks bottles as she blew £3,500 a week on drugs in her darkest hours.

She was so desperate for every last bit she even frantically scraped the residue out with a SCREWDRIVER so it wouldn’t be wasted.

When Amy woke up the first thing she’d ask was, ‘Where’s my pipe?’.  She often made crack pipes by putting foil on top of plastic bottles and then burning the drug.

 

While she got it going I made toast with butter and a cup of tea for her. It was her normal breakfast.

 

When Amy ran out of the drug it she would cut the bottle in half and sit there on the floor completely wired, scraping the inside to get the residue with a screwdriver.

 

She had to have a heroin and crack pipe near her or she freaked out. She’d keep taking drugs until she passed out. I reckon she spent £3,500 a week on them.

 

Amy’s home in Camden, London, was a hub for drug-fuelled parties—with the singer always eager to impress her fellow addicts.

 

At one party Amy wanted to prove she was used to cocaine. So she did a line that was 20 CENTIMETRES LONG to show she was a big user.

On Amy’s eating disorder:

He also reveals how the once painfully thin diva was a secret BULIMIC—living on McDonalds and up to 10 Crunchie bars at a time. She even used HIS TOOTHBRUSH to make herself THROW UP afterwards.

Amy suffered from bulimia, which is why she looked so thin. She would have a massive McDonalds and then throw it all up in the bathroom. I found my toothbrush covered in sick, and asked her about it.

 

She went really sheepish but told me she suffered from it for a long time. Several times I went into her bathroom and saw sick all over the sink.

 

She lived off Crunchie bars—up to 10 at a time—packets of Haribo sweets and bottles of orange Lucozade Sport. Her heroin problems made her crave sugar.

On sex with Amy:

It was like having my own little porn star. Amy was so dirty—she wanted sex all the time. We did it four or five times a day and she’d even wake me up for it. She was addicted to sex like she was to drugs.  It was 6am. I woke up looked around and there she was. She pounced on me. We made love. Afterwards I said, ‘This is gonna make things difficult,’ but she replied, ‘No it’s not’.

 

We became wrapped up in one another. When I stayed at hers I would be asleep downstairs and there would be this little girl on the bed crawling towards me waking me up for sex.  But Amy could never get Blake off her mind. She would go on about him and her being together forever straight after we made love. I sat there in disbelief. We had few bust-ups over it.

On Amy cutting:

I was my job to look after her. But it was impossible. I thought she wouldn’t survive the year with all the drugs and self-harming. Cutting herself was her favourite pastime.  He was shocked by her self-harming. The first time I saw her do it was after she told Blake we’d had a fling. She cut herself with scissors from shoulder to wrist.

 

And even Amy, 25, was afraid her number was almost up.  She reckoned she would join the 27 club of rock stars who died at that age.  She told me, ‘I have a feeling I am gonna die young.’

The 27 Club is in reference to a group of musicians all who have died at the age, obviously, twenty-seven.  This clan includes Brian Jones, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison and Kurt Cobain.  All of whom were excessive drug users.  It strikes me funny that Amy “has a feeling”  she’s going to die young as if she’s getting some telepathic download on this.

Thanks Whitney!

Charles Barkley was arrested early this morning under suspicion of DUI.  What the fuck?  Why do rich people insist on driving their drunk asses around?  Why is it that Barkley can piss away $10 million on fucking poker but can’t budget a hundred bucks for a cab?

So, blood was drawn and we wait for the results.  I know a man is innocent until proven guilty but I’m going to come out right now and say that he was in fact drunk while driving.  My conclusion is based on the following evidence:  1)  Wine coolers and donuts found in his car at the time of arrest.  2)  He was seen earlier in the evening partying with Jaleel White.  Urkel, people.  You just don’t do that sober.

Oh, what would the new year be without stupid, drunken, licensed celebs?

That is, I want to hear from all 963,000 people who tuned in to the premier of Brody Jenner’s MTV show Bromance.  I want to know who you are, where you live and what meds you are currently taking. 

In case you aren’t too familiar with Bromance, let me clue you in.  It’s basically the testosterone version of Paris Hilton’s My New BFFwith segments such as canfessionals (that’s right, filmed on a toilet) and eliminations that take place, of course, in a hot tub.  Here’s hoping the dismal ratings translate to “on hiatus”.

In other “Remember When MTV Played Videos?” news, The City, spinoff of The Hills pretty much tanked with 1.6 million viewers which is a 38% drop from last week’s Hills finale.

“I’m in Australia, I think it’s important to help out, you know, the economy out here, everywhere in the world … And what’s wrong with doing a little shopping? It’s New Year’s, I need a New Year’s dress.”

Humanitarian Paris Hilton, after being chastised for spending $3,844 during a 40-minute shopping spree in Sydney.

And maybe it’s the fact that I’ve been on strong cold medicine for the past week or so, but I kind of agree with her. I mean, we can’t exactly afford to be picky right now about who’s supporting the free world’s economy. At least Paris is out there spending the money she has, whether or not she earned it. If you think $3,844 is a lot of money, consider the $700 billion-with-a-B the U.S. banks were handed months ago by the government — and they’re still refusing to lend!

Ya know what, Paris Hilton? You may not have gone to college, but you’ve done more than your part over the past five years to buoy the economy while thousands of Harvard MBAs were destroying it. Ironic and delicious, my dear.

Apparently Viacom and Time Warner could not reach an agreement in their negotiations, so at 12:01 am on January 1, Time Warner Cable’s 13.3 million subscribers will be losing the following channels: Comedy Central; CMT: Pure Country; Logo; Palladia; MTV; MTV 2; MTV Hits; MTV Jams; MTV Tr3s; Nickelodeon; Noggin; Nick 2; Nicktoons; Spike; The N; TV Land; Vh1; Vh1 Classic; and Vh1 Soul.

Time Warner says that Viacom has “asked for an exorbitant increase in their carriage fees and their network ratings are sagging.” Meanwhile, Viacom says that the “renewal we are seeking is reasonable and modest relative to the profits TWC enjoys from our networks.”

TWC was my cable provider in LA, and I must say that I hated them. They were awful. I even ranted about it on this blog, here, years ago, and that post still gets traffic and comments from people Googling the words “Time Warner sucks.” So, whatever’s going on here, I’m certain it’s Time Warner’s fault, and I hope this pisses off their subscribers to the point that they go out of business forever, because they are evil. The end.

This is craziness!

The Ruler of Dubai, His Highness Sheikh Mohammed Bin Rashid Al Maktoum, has ORDERED that all forms of New Years Eve celebrations in the city be called off in solidarity with the Palestinian people, who are currently at war with Israel.

In support of the Palestinians in Gaza Sheikh Mohammed has instructed all concerned authorities in Dubai to put this order in place and take necessary procedures to circulate the decision to all concerned parties.

According to Sheikh Mohammed’s order, Dubai will mark the New Year with a “sombre tone” as a token of solidarity with the Palestinian people in general and Gaza Strip in particular which is currently under the barrage of Israeli’s military fire.

It is unclear what impact the ruling will have on the emirate’s hotel industry which has dozens of New Year parties planned including one at the Atlantis Hotel where it has been rumoured the guest list includes footballer David Beckham and movie star Tom Cruise.

Anyone who has booked tickets for events should contact the venue directly for more details.

Wow!!! Dubai is QUITE the party town, too. I hope the Sheikh is planning to reimburse promoters for the millions of dollars that are going to be lost because of this.