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52Your Children Will Never Be as Beautiful as Cindy Crawford’s

Cindy Crawford’s kids are soooooo beautiful.

Like, Presley and Kaia are the prettiest kids in the whole world. You can’t genetically engineer prettier kids than this.

I mean, Presley is nine years old, and I already know I’m gonna wanna have sex with him in about ten years. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not attracted to a nine-year-old, but, like, honestly, how often can you look at a nine-year-old boy and be like “I’m gonna wanna hit that when it’s older”? But this kid? Is gonna be so hot. I mean, he already has that “Yeah, I’m insanely hot, and we both know it” look in his eyes.

And Kaia? I didn’t even know it was possible for a 7-year-old to have the bone structure of a supermodel, but this girl does. Ridiculous. Totally unfair. I’m intimidated by the looks of a second-grader. It’s a cruel, cruel world.

December 3, 2008 at 9:30 am by Evil Beet

52 Responses to “Your Children Will Never Be as Beautiful as Cindy Crawford’s”

  1. lolly says:

    MY child is every bit as beautiful as them. :)

  2. lolly says:

    and forgot to add that this post is slightly disturbing, beet.

  3. joan says:

    ok, that boy is a looker, but the girl looks like a gnome. a cute gnome, but still…

  4. Erin says:

    Look at the dishes on that little girl! She has got some huge ears! But you’re right Beet, her face is perfect.

    And the boy, I would have HATED to be in the same grade as this kid and be uselessly hopelessly in love with him…cause I would have been. And WOW, I wish I could get my son’s hair to grow out like that!

  5. Luke says:

    Well, if they’re beautiful I don’t want to see ugly. Are you fucking serious ? First of all, children are not beautiful their cute, they all look the same when their young. The one with the I just got my blonde hair done looks so asexual and the girl … those satellites for ears.

  6. Anonymous says:

    Great post, Beet.

  7. CS says:

    Her kids are cute, but my kids are cuter, they may not have quite as high cheekbones but they do have much smaller ears.

  8. Heather says:

    Beet you’re a pervert, why wait until he’s 19 yrs.

  9. Josh says:

    I hope you don’t plan on having kids because their gonna detest your ass !

  10. GetYourAdverbsHere says:

    Hrm, I have to agree that this post is kinda disturbing. Not a good choice to express that thought about her son on a blog as widely read as this, in an era of child p*rn and creeps out there eyeballing children. To me, it’s way worse than when dumb old Perez calls kids ugly and suchlike. Beet, I like your writing and am a big fan of your blog, but woman to woman I have to say this was pretty bad.

    Bummer.

  11. 00zoey says:

    The kids are beautiful, so are their parents. The post, I agree, in really poor taste. Take it down while it’s fresh & save yourself a lot of grief.

  12. Ashley says:

    I wish she would cut that boys hair. When I was reading your post I was thinking “Presley isn’t really a girls name, but she is pretty.” But that’s the boy. Yuck.
    And the girl is beautiful, but ya, huge saucer ears.

  13. cj says:

    Thinking about screwing a 9-year-old when he grows up? That’s where edgy meets creepy.

  14. Ellie says:

    This girl has years of an elephant. Seriously, just 7 years old? She’s gonna need plastic surgery on them asap once she hits 18. They will grow bigger, ya know.

  15. mamaholler says:

    I love this site, but this post was super-creepy.

    As a parent, if I read that someone sexualized my nine year old son like this, I’d feel pretty sick. The comments about these children were completely inappropriate.

  16. KB says:

    Can’t you people learn the grammatical difference between their, they’re, and there? Why is it so fucking difficult?

  17. Ugh says:

    Eh. My daughter definitely better looking than those kids and that’s not me being biased. Everywhere we go, people stop to comment on her. I’d post a pic but I don’t want Beet to comment on how she’d want to “hit that” in fifteen years.

  18. Tako says:

    lmao @ Ugh… I honestly believe my kids are the prettiest… but then again, we all feel the same about our kids..

  19. Tako says:

    Oh and by the way… The son with the long hair.. I mean.. Come on.. I thought she had two girls when i seen the picture.. It’s so wrong..

  20. Indigo says:

    Not the best post Beet. See, it would be like one of us saying that Leo will never be as cute as Cindy Crawford’s dog. Just makes you gasp doesn’t it? Same with your kids. You’ll see. :)

  21. scut farkus says:

    i thought both of the children in the picture were girls.

  22. beefy says:

    Her daughter is insanely cute. Her ears are cute. I get what you mean by the other kid. Looks like a potential future male model with long blond hair and a washboard stomach for surfer ads. Then you look closer and you realize he probably smells, picks his boogers, burps and farts, and does a lot of annoying things. Ops, reality is calling. Time to pick up.

  23. grumpygirl says:

    I thought they were both girls too. That boy needs a haircut. On a side note, how about the plastic surgery the Cindy clearly has had?

  24. als says:

    ehh, they’re not that cute when you consider that they probably have their hair done professionally and regularly and wear brand name kid clothes to keep them pretty.

  25. als says:

    also, this is just a really good picture of her son. he looks like macaulay culkin in most other photos.

    and i refuse to call her daughter cute because cute girls GENERALLY grow into well, “less-than-nice” stuck up teenagers.

  26. TSS says:

    You people need to calm the fuck down.

    Beet didn’t say that she was going to sleep with a 9 yr old boy….She just likes to think about it …and… you know…

    *awkward silence*

    Anyways…stop over reacting… She knows the difference between Jail Bait and Masturbate. The site’s not called Evil “Beet” for nothing ;)

  27. gia says:

    he is definitely going to be a total hottie in about 9 years..he is just a good looking kid, nothing perverted about it..the girl is adorable too.
    they are so perfect they almost look computer generated.

  28. laura says:

    for fuck sake people it is totally possible to judge whether or not a child will grow up to be good looking. You’re the freaks for comparing beet to a paedophile. Shall we tell the elders of her crude words?! I literally cannot believe how retarded you people are. She didn’t mean it in a perverted manner. It makes me so angry.

    GO FUCK YOURSELVES!

  29. Wendie says:

    Uh…have you SEEN my kids? *eye roll*

    ;-)

  30. Anonymous says:

    Ahh Beet I totally agree with everything you said.

  31. Briana says:

    wow they ARE gorgy.

    and guys, this is the internet. lol. If you cant handle someone saying “That kid is going to be sooo fine in ten years”, then, well….
    its really not that big of a deal. I mean I dont know how many times one of my friends has been like ‘omg that little boy is adorable. he is going to be so hot in 10 years.’ and you know, people did that to my brother a lot when he was little and yeah, he grew up looking quite good. Now if this were some guy saying the same thing about a little girl, then that would be creepy. sure its a double-standard but thats just how it is…what with guys having the mega horn and all.

  32. amanda says:

    the last time i really remember thinking it was so wrong to find a young boy totally hot was river phoenix in ‘stand by me’. of course, he was a teen by that time… but oh man!

  33. Bee Hind says:

    They are kinda cute,
    but not as cute as my little darling.
    Seriously, he’s the prettiest boy in the world.

  34. copa says:

    yeah, they’re both gonna be model-beautiful. dammit i have the same hair as a nine year old boy.

  35. Judy says:

    Yeah, what Beet said was totally inappropriate. They are children, get it? Not people adults should be lusting after now or ten years hence. Yes, they are very nice looking children. Children is the keyword here. Off limits to mature adults.

  36. BRiles says:

    They are unbelievably cute, but her ears are rather large. Doesn’t detract, just an observation.

  37. BRiles says:

    Oh, I guess everyone already said that. Feel free to not post that last one, haha. I don’t think you’re being weird, though. People are just unimaginative. Or perhaps imaginative in the wrong way.

  38. Co.Cat says:

    Beet, I totally appreciate your humour! Come on guys she wasn’t perving on a little boy, for those of you who made references to child porn! Beet was merely stating that he’s gonna be hot when he’s older, which is totally true. There was nothing mentioned about having sex with a nine year old, and she was obviously joking about them being the single most cute kids in the world; stop blowing it out of proportion.

  39. Dmarie says:

    Lol love it :D

    I thought the boy was a girl :P
    Omg the girl is so pretty, I’m so jealous :(

  40. Tininha says:

    What about those EARS? Nobody can be perfect. I bet the boy is hiding his own…

  41. meg says:

    Grr I am jealous as well, Beet. Aren’t all kids supposed to look goofy and awkward? No fair.

  42. Catherine says:

    These kids are totally beautiful.

    I don’t understnad why people bash you, I understand what you meant by : “Is gonna be so hot”. Sometime, you jut see a kid and you think that ! Not that your are a pedo, just because in some years, little girls will totally freak out for that kid..

    I’ve found a little girl more beautiful than Kaia :

    http://i243.photobucket.com/albums/ff287/VelkokneznaMaria/angelicmaria/AA/MarienaStandartu.jpg

    You probably don’t know her, she was born in 1899. Yes, it’s not a mistake, 1899.

  43. Catherine says:

    Oh and I forgot, she was Russian.

  44. Wendie says:

    Seriously, had Beet said “going to be a heartbreaker” no one would be jumping on the perv bandwagon.

  45. rhoniluv says:

    beet…wtf is wrong with you?!

    you mustn’t have any prepubescent teen kids, or you’d know better.

    (whispering) don’t you know you can’t make comments like that at LEAST until they are 16 years old, do-do brains! or you come off looking all Mary Kay Letourneau-ish. EWWW!

    now, you could MAYBE look at miles murphy (eddie’s kid) that way:

    http://mrsgrapevine.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/08/nic_murph_son.png

    he’ll be legal in a few yrs. future-hottie alert for-sho. thankfully aka his mother’s looks.

    tee-hee

  46. mizzenne says:

    Hahaha!!! Love this post! Kaia is very pretty… she might grow into her ears even… Presley has that androgenous(sp?) thing going on… just picture him with ‘normal’ hair… does he still look hot to you? He’ll kinda look too ‘everyday’ and obviously, Cindy Crawford is not ‘everyday’. Side note: Cindy’s looking pretty drunk in this picture… it’s awesome!!!

    Hahaha! Again, love this post…

  47. sasha says:

    you know those kids are cute, but she had better fix those ears on her daughter. Her son is very cute, but actually looks like a girl. Sorry. They are cute.

  48. Nancy says:

    are u fucking kidding me? beautiful kids?? look @ the daughter big ass ears….as for that little gurl with blonde hair…wait…is that a boy or a gurl? puh-lease! there’s more celeb kids who u can say are beautiful…they look like mom especially the little gurl…UGLY!!!!!!!

  49. Superchuckholly says:

    You guys are acting silly, she didn’t say she thinks he’s hot now, or that she would want to sleep with him now, she’s saying in nine or ten years he’ll be hot.
    Obviously.

    And there’s nothing wrong with her ears! They’re big, but they don’t make her any less beautiful.

    And I find it hilarious that there’s all these parents saying their children are more attractive. Hahaha…sad.

  50. joanna says:

    Yes they are adorable but the poor little girl has huge ears like Cindy – thats why Cindy is rarely photographed with her hair up.

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