Look, you guys, I know there’s been all this drama lately with Courtney Love going insano on her blog and Perez Hilton calling her out on it and then her calling Perez out on shit and somehow now Madonna’s involved and blah blah blah blah blah and you haven’t heard a peep out of me about it and really what it comes down to is this: I have no space in my head right now for Courtney Love. I’m in a pretty stable place. I’m healthy and I’m happy and my world is solid. And I start trying to think about Courtney Love — you know, really think about her, get in her head, try to figure out where she’s coming from, so that I can say something pithy yet insightful that’ll make you guys go “Huh, I never thought of it like that before,” and what happens pretty quickly is that my world starts to get warped again. Even just trying to imagine the set of external and psychological circumstances that have resulted in Courtney Love existing and producing and spewing her silken web of crazy all across the Internet makes me dizzy and agitated and I lose my center. And then I think about poor little Frances Bean having been molded in this mess and it’s all just a little too real for me look in the eye.

So, ya know, E! Online has a nice synopsis, if you really think you need to welcome this level of insanity into your being. But please don’t say I didn’t warn you.

“My drinking was not a daily thing, so it wasn’t an issue. And, oddly enough, neither was the smoking. I was very glad to know that I could quit. And one day soon I will.”

Kiefer Sutherland, discussing with Men’s Vogue his stay in jail, where he wasn’t allowed to drink or smoke. Kiefer, a notorious partier, was in jail for his second DUI. I am so sure he’ll be quitting any minute now!

Kiefer also weighed in on his cellmate: “I was told, you know, ‘You’ll have your own cell.’ But I didn’t for the first two or three weeks; I had a cell mate. He got out – but not for long. He came back in pretty quick.”

Brad and Angelina don’t appear “uncool” in the least as they arrive hand-in-hand for a private screening of The Changeling in London.

After the jump, find video footage of an interview Angelina did with BBC radio yesterday. I love how whenever people spend time in London they wind up with a hint of a British accent. It’s inescapable!

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In LA on Sunday.

Seriously, my tits hurt just looking at her. Chafing much? I feel like now I have to massage my breasts and rub lotion all over them. I’d tell you more, but we’re not that kind of site.

Uh-oh!

Do we have a new Martha Stewart on our hands?

Well, not really, because the ever-angry Mark Cuban — who appeared on Dancing with the Stars — is up against civil rather than criminal charges, but still.

The SEC alleges Mr. Cuban sold his entire 6% ownership stake on June 28, 2004, immediately after learning that Mamma.com was raising money through a private investment in private entity, or PIPE. The next day, after the markets closed, the company announced the PIPE financing. When the markets opened the morning of June 30, shares of the company dropped by 9%. By selling his stake, Mr. Cuban avoided more than $750,000 in losses, the SEC alleges. (Read the full text of the complaint.)

In a PIPE, shares are issued at a discount. When a PIPE is announced, it’s often followed by a drop in the stock price as shareholders anticipate their stake will be diluted. Investment advisers working for the company often solicit interest from potential investors. Investors usually have to sign confidentiality agreements stating that they won’t trade on the information. However, Mr. Cuban’s lawyers deny that he was told the information was confidential.

Christopher Clark, a lawyer for Mr. Cuban, said, “We’re shocked. We find it incredible that given all the important issues that the SEC has to address with regard to today’s economy they’ve sought to bring a $750,000 case relating to a he-said she-said about one trade against a person whose integrity has never been questioned before with regard to the securities markets.” He also said he was “further shocked because the whole enforcement process was tainted by express bias by enforcement officials and certain other misconduct that we will happily detail to the judge in this case.”

So, essentially — and you can read the full text of the complaint here — the CEO of Mamma.com called Cuban to be like “Hey, this is confidential, but we’re gonna do a PIPE offering,” and Mark was all like, “I’m angry because that’s gonna dilute my shares and now I can’t even sell,” and the CEO was all like, “Dude, your problem, not mine,” and then Cuban went ahead and sold the shares anyway, and that is way illegal. Woopsy!

On an episode of her talk show, airing Tuesday, Tyra Banks gives away a sex-change operation to Isis King, a transgendered woman who appeared on America’s Next Top Model. I’d like to see Oprah put that shit under everyone’s seats. Ha ha! NO PUN INTENDED!

“This is not happening!” King, who was born Darrell Walls, says when Banks introduces her to Dr. Marci Bowers, a leading gender reassignment surgeon who has experienced the surgery herself. Bowers is paying for the surgery.

“[I feel] like I’m about to wake up,” says King – who lived in a homeless shelter in Maryland before trying out for the show.

The 22-year-old hadn’t gone under the knife yet because she couldn’t afford the $20,000 to $35,000 price tag.

“It’s hard. I try not to think about it because it is something I’m really passionate about,” she says. “I feel like I really was born in the wrong body, and it’s just the one thing that makes me feel uncomfortable.”

I mean, hey, if Howard Stern can give out boob jobs and labiaplasties left and right, Tyra Banks can sure as hell give out vaginas, right?

Rock on, Ty-Ty.