OMG, I’m excited for a lot of things about motherhood, but breastfeeding is definitely not one of them. I know it’s important and helps the kid get good nutrients and bond with the mother and stuff, but the thought of an unpredictable mini-person sucking on my nipples kind of makes me feel funny. Hey, do vegans breast-feed? Is Alicia Silverstone going to breast-feed her kids?
Okay, I just did some research, and it appears vegan moms have to breastfeed, because none of the grocery-store baby formulas are truly vegan. So, in some weird way, having your baby drink your breast milk is the only way to truly raise a vegan baby. Okay. So. Then, if I made cheese out of human breast milk, would it be vegan? Someone get Alicia on the phone. I may be onto an enormous untapped market. I mean, I know people have made breast milk cheese (example here, but it’s in French), but have they ever marketed it as vegan? See, mom? That MBA wasn’t for nothing after all.
What the fuck was I even writing this about?
Oh, yeah. Angelina Jolie said breast-feeding the twins sucked, and I believe her.
“It’s very hard,” the actress confessed on Britain’s morning show GMTV. “I stopped at three months, [it was] about as much as I could do.”
The actress, 33, who was in London promoting her film The Changeling with her partner Brad Pitt in tow and their four-month-old twins, Knox LÃ©on and Vivienne Marcheline, said she even resorted to manuals on the subject.
“There’s this football hold â€“ it’s a lot harder than it looks in the books,â€ she says in the prerecorded interview at her London hotel on Monday. “I did that a few times. I would take turns. It just takes a long time.”
The mom of six also revealed that it was while filming The Changeling that she became pregnant with the twins: “We decided to start trying in the beginning, and by the end I was.”
Look, if Angelina can’t do it, it is officially impossible. Because we all know that she is better at everything than anyone else.
You know what else is kind of sad? A few years ago, I would have been all like, “Oooh, I want to try to make babies for months and months with Brad Pitt.” But Brad’s lost a lot of his allure since he got with Angelina. He’s become less of Mr. Bradley Pitt and more of Mr. Angelina Jolie. I dunno. I think of him less as a sex symbol now. Not that that’s a bad thing. It’s just something that occurred to me.