Time is a thief.  Russell Crowe has aged.  Why does he look like Grizzly Adams at the Body of Lies movie premiere today?  A little Just for Men and a haircut would serve him well.  Leonardo DiCaprio looks hot…bloated but hot.  Not a question in my mind he’s a closet potato binger.

These guys are celebrities; I expect them to be Botoxed, plastic and firm…the way nature intended. 

 

This is the chick that could make me switch tracks.  Perfect body, perfect face, perfect smile.  I worship her.  I hate her.  She makes me want to stuff my face with Twinkies; I’ll never be good enough for her.  It’s complicated.

Alyssa Milano at the launch of her clothing line TOUCH.

Nicky Hilton celebrated her 25th birthday at PURE Nightclub last night with Paris, David Katzenberg and Benji Madden.  She’s obviously on the three Tic Tags and a Diet Pepsi a day regime.  Also, Paris’ brown eyes turned blue again and Benji Madden looks alternately afraid of and uninterested in Paris .

The Church of Scientology has reached out to Amy Winehouse in an effort to help with her spiraling drug addiction.  

Narconon, based on the teachings of L. Ron Hubbard, is a rehabilitation plan with an approach of cold turkey withdrawal, hands-on healing, vitamin supplements and enduring insults and prolonged eye contact with a coach as a way to build trust.  I know it also involves the counseling of the alien beings, known as a Space Opera, that inhabit her “meat body”. 

Yeah.  That sounds sane.

Kirstie Alley is the spokesperson for Narconon.  Ahem.

I’ll be the first to admit it.  I was a non-believer.  I’ve spent time making fun, laughing and pointing and generally mocking my beloved editor who gave an A- rating to Beverly Hills Chihuahua.  I am of the opinion that if you are an actor, and you’ve been handed any script that has talking animals in it, you need to burn it and fire your agent pronto.  And I’m wrong.  And she was right.  It was the number one U.S. box office this weekend with a take of $29 million.  Inexplicable…like Atlantis, UFO sightings and Tara Reid’s fame.

Beyonce was inducted into the International Pediatric Hall of Fame at the Miami Children’s Hospital Foundation Diamond Ball and Private Concert this weekend.  I support famous people who use their celebrity for charitable organizations and the greater good.  However…

You’ve never seen so much off the rack acetate crap in your life.  Looking at these pictures makes me feel like I’m at the prom of hell.  Someone get me a bucket of pigs’ blood STAT.

Highlights include:  Beyonce’s mother/stylist hates her, Smokey Robinson bursts out crying when he realizes he’s wearing a sequinned cumberbund, in a twist of irony Gloria Gaynor looks like a movie theater sized box of Good and Plenty,  Gloria Estefan appears robust and various other synthetic material tragedies.