OMG you guys I am in SUCH a grumpy little mood today. I am a grumpalufugus (sp?). And it’s all totally PMS — there’s nothing actually wrong — but I’m trying so hard to be cutesy and funny and my normal self but all I want to do is run around the office screaming “WHO THE FUCK CARES WHAT MATT DAMON DID I WANT CHOCOLATE.” And you know what else? The nice lady who normally has a big bowl of chocolate in her office? Is out sick. And her office door? Is locked. I mean, Jesus, lady, have some respect for the other people in your office. I don’t care if you’re feverish and vomiting, you have enough strength to pick up the phone and call facilities and be like “Hey could you please unlock my office door and move the bowl of chocolate outside? I know Beet is going to be starting her period any day now and will be depending on me, and I’d hate to let her down.” But noooooooo. People today have NO MANNERS.

Anyway.

Matt Damon did the running portion of a triathlon in Miami on Sunday. He ran 6.2 miles (a 10K) in just under an hour, which isn’t terrible but also isn’t terribly impressive. He competed on a team with his stepfather and a family friend.

In other news, will somebody please bring me chocolate?

Is that a nipple or what?

I can’t tell.

It almost looks painted or something.

At the Body of Lies premiere.

Also: Has she had work done on her face recently or am I imagining things?

“This is absolutely amazing for the world’s most beautiful, perfect little girl. She’s so pure.”

Tyra Banks, who MC’d the crazy birthday celebration for Miley Cyrus at Disneyland this weekend.

Also in attendance: Rumored nemesis Demi Lovato, who reportedly got Miley a Tiffany necklace. “If we weren’t cool, I definitely wouldn’t have gotten her a nice gift,” she told MTV News. “I pinky promise!” Um, Demi? We all know that necklace was paid for by the same people who forced Miley to invite you: Disney. You two hate each other and everybody knows it.

Miley’s birthday present from her pops? A Maltipoo puppy. Which I’m sure will promptly start showing up on red carpets everywhere.

A huge congratulations to Tyler Perry who, on Saturday, became the first African-American ever to launch his own major TV and film studio. He celebrated by throwing a huge bash in Atlanta, where the studio is based.

“I spent 56 years making movies and this is the reward that I have that means the most to me,” said Sidney Poitier of Perry’s achievement.

And check out Oprah Winfrey crying her eyes out over this!

Also there to celebrate: Ruby Dee, Cicely Tyson, Louis Gossett, Jr., Holly Robinson Peete, Tracey Edmonds, music mogul L.A. Reid, John Legend, Eva Pigford, Hank Aaron and Barry Bonds.

Congratulations to Mr. Perry!

Despite a previous stint on Celebrity Rehab, Rod Stewart’s son Sean is back in rehab, this time at Malibu’s Canyon at Peace Park clinic. The family’s spokesperson is refusing to comment.

Bear with me today, kids, as I’m waging a losing battle against PMS this morning. All I want right now are cigarettes and Valium. I am trying valiantly to avoid both. But today is pay day for me, so I may ditch out early and indulge in some hardcore shopping. I’m really excited to buy tons of yummy sweaters and scarves for my very first winter!

How adorable is Blake Lively?

Don’t you just want to drag her into bed with you and cuddle with her deep under the covers? Just you and Blake Lively and her fresh, white T-shirt that still smells vaguely of fabric softener and a thick comforter and something laugh-out-loud funny on TV. Wouldn’t that just be so cozy and wonderful? I love you, Blake Lively.

Also: John Leguizamo attended the same event, and when I saw this photo of him, in thumbnail form on the photo service website, I absolutely thought it was Penn Badgley. I find that infinitely amusing.