Today's Evil Beet Gossip

The Katie Holmes Broadway Reviews Are Finally Here!

Oh, happy, happy day!

We finally get to hear how Mrs. Tom Cruise fared on the B’way stage!

Says the Daily News: “Her rather grand speech pattern takes getting used to but she seems comfortable and adds a fitting glint of glamour. Dancing with Lithgow, kissing Wilson, she makes you forget about her being Mrs. Tom Cruise.”

So that’s one GOOD review for Katie.

But here’s what the New York Times had to say: “While Ann is supposed to arrive at the Keller household with high hopes and good intentions, Ms. Holmes delivers most of her lines with meaningful asperity, italicizing every word. This Ann is straight from the school of the Erinyes (those avenging furies from Greek mythology), and I didn’t believe for a second that she really loved the honorable, naive Chris.”

Okay, ya know what? Nothing annoys me more than when critics of the arts have to prove how damn important they are by using fancy-schmancy words. No one fucking knows what “asperity” means or who the “Erinyes” are. You know this. You write for a newspaper, dude. You know this shit is going to be completely meaningless to the overwhelming majority of the people reading it. So why use obscure references that no one will get? Oh, right, because you’re insecure and have to make yourself feel smart and important, even if it’s at the expense of the reader. Shut up, dude. Talk normal. Just for pulling that bullshit, I’m going to assume that Katie Holmes rocked the house last night, and you just have to be mean because the characters in Dawson’s Creek were getting more ass in high school than you’ve ever gotten in your whole life.

38 CommentsLeave a comment

  • I guess I am even more of a loser now. Beet, I know what someone is talking about when they say—–> “Erinyes.” I used to love mythology. I studies it for a long time. Yes I am a dork, short, fat, bald and ugly.

    Damn why did I ever learn to read?!!!!!

  • Don’t worry Steve
    I too am passionate for Greek and Roman mythology,
    and for ancient Egypt matters.
    Even Paris Hilton had a soft spot for Greeks,
    so there is probably nothing wrong about it.

  • I’m just gonna take it to mean-she sucked cack and he could barely contain the urge to punch the smirk off her face.

    great review!

  • aw c’mon Beet, you use those funky little words ll of the time that I have to google when you could have easily just said something else lol

  • I caught one or two episodes of Hercules–does that count? I also know Iris was turned into a flower as punishment because he was to into himself. Random I know.

    I saw a clip of her performance on TV. In plain words, good enough for the stage but doesn’t blow you away. Maybe I need to see the whole thing. But than again I grit my teeth whenever I see her. She’s forgettable to me.

  • Oh, right, because you’re insecure and have to make yourself feel smart and important, even if it’s at the expense of the reader. Shut up, beet.
    Yea, sometimes it helps to take some of your own medicine.

  • @Snowdevil @Anonymous

    What words do I use that you have to Google and/or don’t know?

    Please point them out.

  • Yea, OK…there were no words that needed either googled OR that were unkown to me, but thanks for the offer. You can now go ahead and swallow.

  • Ha! but I love osmosis…actually the last book I read was Pagan Christ, by Tom Harpur….
    Very intriguing, it made really re-think some things, oh and Not wanted on the Voyage, By Timothy Findley, oh and The Red Tent by Anita Diamant. lol okay I’m shutting up now.

  • The last book I read was by a Boris sombody. A former friend made me read it. It was along the lines of the movie “7” but it was set in London and the killer was a cop. It was interesting but based around religion so that annoyed me.

    That and “Lords of Chaos” which is about the start of black metal in Norway. Very good read if you are into music and can stand reading one guys crazy rhetoric.

  • lol, okay so tell me, where can I find some online libraries, because I’m too lazy to walk to the actual library…
    Any time I google anything all I find are links to amazon

  • Amazon is where it is at. That or may have to the old B & N. I hate there since I live in a college town but then again it is not like I am naked at the internet cafe, again.


  • He! All right, NP, I’ll just have another glass of wine, and keep on searching.
    The best things in life are free, well I mean, there has to be some type of of on-line free , full version books.
    You know really University and post secondary education should be free, I know it will never happen but a girl can have dreams.

  • You are right about University edumakation should be free and for some that I went to school with it was. They snuck into class sometimes for weeks on end and got a free education.

    My biggest dream right now, involves donuts and a mean game of grab ass.

    Man I am such a loser. Good luck searching the internet for free books. All I keep finding is an endless supply of x rated stuff. I mean you type in “Library” and you get something totally unexpected.

  • Omg I know! mind you I don’t mind the x- rate stuff, it is entertaining as well…but I just want some real good mind blowing stuff, not, uhhh…well you know “blowing” stuff.

  • Lately I’ve been “researching” Lilith.
    I was baptized a Catholic, so most of my exposure to religion has been Catholic/Christian.

    I’ve been trying to…establish and understand my relationship with the universe. So, trying to see from another point of view has been my goal lately. I really want to go back to university and study philosophy, theology lol, all those things you can’t make a career from, but are so damn intriguing!

  • @ PMP

    I will save you a ton of money on theology studies. (WINK WINK)

    I could tell you were to go to find real information but it is not what you think.

  • I have to say, ‘asperity’ is just a normal word that most educated adults should know. If you don’t know the meaning of a word you encounter, look it up in the dictionary. I think an arts review is a perfectly valid place to use non-dumbed-down vocabulary and to make reference to, guess what, the history of the arts. I didn’t know what the Erinyes were until – *gasp* – it was explained immediately after its use. It’s valid. I don’t know who half the nobody American celebs are that are referred to on here, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t refer to them, Beet – because this is a valid context for doing so.

    I’m glad to hear that Katie Holmes performed OK. I was worried she was going to bomb, and I really wanted her to do well in something she’s doing in her own right, to get out from under Tom’s thumb a bit.

    (LOL, Tom’s thumb!)

  • to be fair, what he said is completely understandable. and he DOES write for the new york times, not some teenage magazine.

  • @ pmp

    I was being an ass. Theology is just insane to me, yet I find more satanists that are more and more knowledgeable than most christians. It depends on what aspects you wanted to focus on. As you know there are many versions of the “story.”

  • i dont have anything against her, but i just dont think she is a very good actress at all. i dont know how she is on broadway. i am thinking tom pulled some major strings.

  • Yeah, um people who are theater buffs…people who read plays and go to lots of Broadway shows…um, they know what all those words mean Beet. don’t get upset if a theater critic actually writes at an above 10th grade reading level. Oh, and I’d place money that the veteran stage actors in this show would also know what asperity means and what Erinyes are(he defines it anyway!).

    Oh, and BTW, I saw the previews, and agree with the critic; her delivery was mostly the fault of the director, and only real stage pros like Lithgow could overcome the directorial handicap.In another show, or with another director, I think she would be fine.