Oh, happy, happy day!
We finally get to hear how Mrs. Tom Cruise fared on the B’way stage!
Says the Daily News: “Her rather grand speech pattern takes getting used to but she seems comfortable and adds a fitting glint of glamour. Dancing with Lithgow, kissing Wilson, she makes you forget about her being Mrs. Tom Cruise.”
So that’s one GOOD review for Katie.
But here’s what the New York Times had to say: “While Ann is supposed to arrive at the Keller household with high hopes and good intentions, Ms. Holmes delivers most of her lines with meaningful asperity, italicizing every word. This Ann is straight from the school of the Erinyes (those avenging furies from Greek mythology), and I didn’t believe for a second that she really loved the honorable, naive Chris.”
Okay, ya know what? Nothing annoys me more than when critics of the arts have to prove how damn important they are by using fancy-schmancy words. No one fucking knows what “asperity” means or who the “Erinyes” are. You know this. You write for a newspaper, dude. You know this shit is going to be completely meaningless to the overwhelming majority of the people reading it. So why use obscure references that no one will get? Oh, right, because you’re insecure and have to make yourself feel smart and important, even if it’s at the expense of the reader. Shut up, dude. Talk normal. Just for pulling that bullshit, I’m going to assume that Katie Holmes rocked the house last night, and you just have to be mean because the characters in Dawson’s Creek were getting more ass in high school than you’ve ever gotten in your whole life.