After talking incessantly about how they were going to have a long engagement, Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds tied the knot this weekend in a low-key ceremony near Vancouver, British Columbia.

Can’t wait for the pregnancy announcement!

Well, that didn’t take long.

Somebody’s headed back to rehab.

Heather Locklear was arrested on DUI in Santa Barbara on Sunday.

Locklear, 47, was pulled over by a California Highway Patrol officer Saturday afternoon after a resident reported seeing the actress leaving a parking lot and “driving erratically,” patrol spokesman Tom Marshall said.

The officer noticed Locklear’s car parked on a state highway and blocking a lane in Montecito, a wealthy community about 90 miles northwest of Los Angeles. She was believed to be alone in the car, Marshall said.

“In talking with her, (the officer) determines that she seems to be under the influence of something,” Marshall said.

Locklear was taken to the police station, where she was tested for alcohol and drugs. She was booked at 7 p.m. on suspicion of driving under the influence of prescription medication. She was later released from custody.

Wow, this does not sound good at all.

Hopefully Heather can get the help she needs.

Tina rocks it again on last night’s SNL in a parody of the Katie Couric interview.

The world of cinema lost an icon on Friday, as 83-year-old Paul Newman passed away at his home in Westport, Connecticut.

My first introduction to Paul Newman came as a tween, after watching Reality Bites. There’s that part in it where Ethan Hawke is talking about how nobody can eat fifty eggs. I asked my dad what that meant, and he put me in the car, drove me to the video store and rented Cool Hand Luke. I loved every minute of it.

There’s a lot I could say about Mr. Newman, but CNN has put together a pretty impressive piece on his accomplishments, his character and his life. Read it here.

They don’t make ‘em like you anymore, Mr. Newman. You’ll be missed.

Michael Lohan has responded to Lindsay’s assertions that he “needs to be on medication” with a flurry of vowels and consonants that vaguely resemble English words.

I want to add that this statement was sent exclusively to X17, and that they themselves added all the [sic]s. I don’t know why I find that laugh-out-loud funny, but I do. Like, have they read their own blog? It’s not exactly winning any national spelling bees. You’re a paparazzi agency, guys, not the New York Times. Also: you missed some.

Oh, and, look, I’m usually pretty good about not using photos I haven’t purchased, but y’all are gonna have to send a cease and desist if you wanna stop me from using this photo. It’s just too perfect.

“BEING THAT THIS STATEMENT WAS MOST LIKELY, made by Lindsay’s pubicist [sic], Leslie Sloane, I , as should everyone, take it with a grain of salt since and realize that what Leslie says is laced with lies. tell me, do picutres [sic] lie? Are all the eye witness accounts, the text message and the recordings I have false? Just look at the most recent reports of Lindsay and Samantha in In Touch, The Star and even as late as last night (Sept 25th) in LA. Mind you, this was after the articles in Page Six! So tell me, who is out of control? Who is on and needs medication? And who needs retraining [sic] orders from who? If anyone, Lindsay needs restraining orders from Samantha, the people enabling her and leading her down this dark path who are destoying [sic] her life , her career and causing her harm. I was in LA for 2 weeks and never even tried to see Lindsay other than to call her lawyer and send her “positive words” of advice.If anyone needs to be concerned , it’s me! The comments made by Lindsay’s advisors are ridiculous. But mark my words, things will NOT get better for Lindsay until she rids herself of the people around her who have come back in her life, since her release from Cirque Lodge. People need to stop sucking up to her to stay on her good side, and do what’s right for her well being, NOT their own.Until then, I am going to sit back and let GOD do His work.”

Thanks Emily!

Here’s David and Victoria Beckham launching their new signature Beckham fragrance in NYC.

I cannot for the life of me figure out what’s going on with the bottom half of Victoria’s body. Are those boots? Do they go all the way up her legs? What’s holding them up in the back? They appear to be floating above the ground. How did she get them on? It’s like looking at an M.C. Escher sketch. It’s just blowing my mind.

I won’t even get into what David’s wearing. Suffice it to say that — much like anything David wears — it would look much better in a pile on the carpet. Of my bedroom. Actually that’s not true. With this particular outfit, I would probably have to move the pile into the closet and shut the door before I could have sex with him. Because every time I caught a glimpse of that thing from the corner of my eye we’d just have to start all over.