Today's Evil Beet Gossip

BREAKING: The U.S. Economy Cannot Function Without the Constant Supervision of John McCain

So I’m trying to help my little sister buy a house in Southern California, where she’s getting her smarty-pants PhD, by co-signing with her and guiding her through the murky waters of the home ownership process. And I’m on the phone last night with the lender, and, despite the fact that my sister has zero debt and my current debt-to-income ratio is, and always has been, well below 1/2, and despite the fact that we have 15% to put down and are requesting a regular-sized loan, there is still, he explains, no fucking way we’re getting a loan right now. He’s very sorry, and we should get back in touch in a few months. So I call my sister last night to try to explain this to her, and I start with, “So, um, you’re aware that we’re currently in like a major economic crisis?” and she’s like, “Huh?” and I’m like, “Have you heard anything on the news about this whole collapse of Wall Street? The Lehman bankruptcy? The fact that the U.S. economy as we knew it died a couple weeks ago?” and she’s like, “Oh, no. I know I should follow that stuff, but I just don’t.”

ZOMG.

The insular existence of a scientist.

So for those few registered voters out there who are still BLISSFULLY UNAWARE THAT OUR ECONOMY IS COLLAPSING AND JOHN MCCAIN IS THE ONLY PERSON ON EARTH WHO CAN SAVE IT, McCain is now requesting that he and Obama postpone the first Presidential debate to “focus on the economy.”

“I am calling on the president to convene a meeting with the leadership from both houses of Congress, including Senator Obama and myself,” McCain told reporters while in New York, where he and running mate Sarah Palin were meeting with world leaders at the United Nations. “It is time for both parties to come together to solve this problem.” The White House said in a statement that it appreciates McCain’s suggestion.

“It’s time for both parties to come together to solve this problem,” McCain said. “We must meet as Americans, not as Democrats and Republicans, and we must meet until this crisis is resolved.” According to Fox News, McCain has also suspended the airing of all campaign ads as he works on the crisis.

According to CNN, the surprise move by McCain came just hours after the Obama campaign reached out to McCain’s camp Wednesday morning to suggest that the candidates release a joint statement on the principles they think are important to incorporate in any bailout bill. The statement would also stress that it is important for Congress to work together on this bill. At 2:30 p.m. Wednesday, McCain returned the call and agreed to work together on some language for a joint statement. That statement was expected by the end of the day, along with comments from Obama on the McCain’s suspension and the bailout bill.

Sources reportedly told CNN that Obama would not be suspending his campaign and saw no reason to cancel Friday’s debate. At press time, the Obama camp had not yet issued a statement.

I bet there is a LOT of eye-rolling going on at Obama headquarters this afternoon.

21 CommentsLeave a comment

  • @Beet

    Your sister is a PhD and you have an MBA. That is damn impressive. You must have some kick ass parents.

    How old are you? like 35?

  • Let’s pick our battles. Obama was the one who contacted McCain about delaying the debates. McCain agreed. I keep reading they were supposed to release a joint statement, but some spin guy spilled the beans early (figures). Anyway, the point is, the subtle snark at McCain misfires.

  • P.S. Hey, TSS! It takes some of us only four years to finish undergrad! You can also complete your MBA in about a year! I don’t know what year the Beet went to college, but I’m pretty sure she had her MBA before she was 26. The more you know, TSS!

  • All I’m hearing is that Obama wants the debate to continue as scheduled. Where did you read that Obama contacted McCain about delaying the debate, Jennatar?

  • The President’s work-week often includes nearly 90 hours of scheduled appointments and hands-on duties.

    Directing staffers, phone and cable contacts with troop commanders, briefings with political team managers, maintaining networking contacts with foreign heads of state while enduring nearly constant interruptions that require a response in the middle of high level negotiations involving classified details on a muriad of domestic and foreign issues.

    Even Bush has proven he can handle the business of running the US on a multi-tasking mode. Of course quality points count, however, he has done what he has done and we’ve all been grading on a curve.

    So now McCain goes front street with an announcement that he can only be effective at working on major issues if he shuts down current programs so he can operate effectively?

    Historians, please be sure to spell his name correctly when you add his latest press release to your notes….

  • Hey Janitor,

    Really…only 4 years? Wow …then it must’ve only taken you like 3 short weeks to get your lawn mower repair degree at Devry University.

    The ‘age’ question was completely unrelated to the discussion about college, hence the big ass space between the two thoughts …you know, much like the space between your ears that holds all those Q-tips you keep losing.

    Now be a good little girl and leave the education discussions to the big boys.

    “The more you know”… fucking G.I. Joe after school specials…

  • Obama contacted John McCain to create a joint statement about the need to work together for a solution to the current crisis. The statement was released and then McCain put out a statement saying he wants to postpone the debate (so he can keep studying…I mean until congress makes a decision).

    I also just read that Old Miss is piss-ed off that McCain wants to cancel. It seems they’ve done a lot of planning and spent a lot of money on this thing.

  • And, Jennator, the only place you can finish an MBA in “about a year” is one of those “universities” advertising on the internet.

  • What an asshole. The truth is, he can’t possibly come off during a debate with Obama as anything but a dumb ass, not to mention the war of wits that would ensue should Biden and Caribou Barbie engage in a public debate, so let’s just cancel, er, POSTPONE the whole debacle, for the good of the nation, of course. There is no sacrifice for the public good that McCain is not willing to make.

    I just read that McCain hasn’t voted as a senator in 5 months, and that the only senator to have missed more votes this year is the one that had major brain surgery.

    But what I don’t get is how the U.S. economy could be rock solid, oh, I don’t know, three weeks ago, and now we are crashing head long into a major Great Depression unless John McCain is on hand to work full time on this mess, which of course, he will have cleared up well before the election in November. John McCain, the working man and woman’s best friend.

  • @jennatar–where do you see Barack asked to cancel the debate? He only wanted to issue a joint statement on the situation and get on with the debate! McCain is running scared with Cariboo Barbie right on his heels!

  • Yep, typical Obama. He’s all talk and no action. He’s not willing to help the quickly collapsing and downward spiraling economy because the only idea he would offer on the issue, is that it indeed is, “time for change.”

    Ridiculous.

  • Also, Obama’s arguement to McCain postponing the debate, is that the president needs to be able to multi-task. McCain is trying to tackle the economy situation, while Obama is solely sticking to running his campaign, which apparently is the only subject he is familiar with. Are EITHER of them multi-tasking like any president should? NO. But Obama, dude, by releasing that “multi-tasking” statement, you just dug yourself a bit of a grave.

  • Only to the rapidly decreasing number of right-wing nutcases like yourself, Kristin, does it appear that OBAMA is the one digging his own grave these days.

  • Traditionally, if you have 25% to put down on a house , it has been a breeze. They’ve allowed too many people who can’t really afford it to buy the houses they are in now. It’s got to be tightened up now to correct this mess; wait till you have a bigger down payment and try again. Prices may go down alsomore also, with the glut of homes which continue to come on the market which would be good for you as a buyer.
    John mcCain needed to get back to Washington because he has worked with both sides of the aisle and commands a lot of respect from his peers. There are democrats who will work with him, as many have over the years.He also happens to be on more comittees than Obama.

  • LMAO. I really can’t believe you guys. In case you haven’t noticed the economy is indeed at an all time low and Obama realizes this. But I guess Obama is too pre-occupied to give a shit and take the immediate action that is necessary. Because I mean, I guess that is the presidents job, and its not like he’s running for that title or anything. And simply because Obama can speak well in front of large crowds and can say what everyone wants to hear–America blindly follows his lead. Can you list at least ONE substantive legislative accomplishment by Obama? How many of you REALLY go to bed at night thinking…”Omg! Obama’s the one! He’s wanting change! Which means he actually REALLY, truly cares about ME and my family.” He’s a politician, he’ll say and do anything to gain another vote.