Okay I Actually Hate Aubrey O’Day a Little Less Today

So Aubrey totally nails the “Duck Me I’m Frunk” look in the upcoming issue of Complex magazine — seriously, these photos are a must-see — but, more than that, the interview with her is actually pretty awesome, and I dig her sense of humor. It’s possible that she’s not the brain-dead whorebag I’d always thought she was. Here are some excerpts.

Aubrey O’Day: There’s this gorgeous model that’s been trying to get with me for me for a while. And the other night I was so lonely, I was like, “Screw it, maybe I’ll just date him while I’m in New York. I want someone to pay attention to me. He’ll do, he’s cute.” And then he writes me some text message—and he spells “tomorrow” T-O-M-A-R-R-O-W-W!

Maybe he had the Pearl—the Pearl is hard!
Aubrey O’Day: No, I checked to see if the A and O were near each other, and they’re not. There’s no excuse. There are certain words you shouldn’t spell wrong. I love getting to know someone and writing them back and forth, like who can be more witty. I would rather do dirty texting than have sex. I have a shirt in my clothing line [Heart On My Sleeve] that says, “I Love Dirty Texting.”

It’s that rush when you get a new message.
Aubrey O’Day: When you’re at dinner and you are listening to everybody but you’re actually writing some dirty shit, I love it! I’m so into that. But since I’ve been in this industry, my ideas of love have definitely changed. There are probably the worst aspects of human nature in this industry. It’s just very filthy.

Okay I just have to take a minute to tell my own model story. This is in LA. I’ve been dating a male model for a couple months, who is very hot and very sweet, and that’s about where it ends. We’re at dinner at a Chinese restaurant in Santa Monica. The fortune cookies come. I read mine aloud and smile. He’s just staring at his, and he has this really concerned look on his face. I’m like, “Honey, what’s wrong?” and he’s like, “Shit, dude. I think it says I’m going to die.” So I grab the thing out of his hand and look at it. It says the following: You will find success with a new undertaking. So I had to explain to my 29-year-old date the difference, in this context, between an “undertaking” and, ya know, the Six Feet Under-style “undertaker.” That’s the last time I dated a model.

And then Aubrey talks about being BFF with Jenna Jameson:

Good answer. So when people hear you’re best friends with Jenna Jameson, they think—
Aubrey O’Day: —I’m going to do sex tapes and porn. Jenna and I never even talk about porn. I think one time Jenna and I had a conversation about having sex on your period.

Oh, running a red light?
Aubrey O’Day: Yeah. There was some new guy I was dating, and it was the first time we were going to go there, and he was weird about it. So I ask Jenna for advice and she’s like, “Honey, it’s just a little war paint, who cares?”

Still, the first time…
Aubrey O’Day: Yeah, that’s what I was saying.

I guess you could just throw a towel down.

Aubrey O’Day: Ha! Yeah, I’m totally a towel girl. [Laughs.]

Is this an uncomfortable subject?
Aubrey O’Day: Oh, it’s fine. I love talking about my period.

Well, I suppose it’s something that can be broached with—
Aubrey O’Day: —someone you trust. Or you could just have anal sex.

Anyway, Aubrey, you’ve earned a tiny bit of my respect back with this interview. Let’s see if you can hang onto it.