Let’s all take a much-needed break from scary politics to remember how beautiful and perfect Natalie Portman is. Here’s the beautiful and perfect Natalie receiving some manner of award at the Venice Film Festival. You’re so pretty and talented, Natalie. I wish I were you.

Just watch.

Then comment.

Real or fake?????

There are very few things that can get me genuinely interested in anything political. In fact, I had previously believed that there was nothing that could get me genuinely interested in anything political. This year, however, has proven me wrong. There are two things, at last count, that can get me genuinely interested in politics: hookers and teen pregnancies.

Since the Eliot Spitzer scandal has died down, I am now thoroughly obsessed with Sarah Palin’s 16-year-old daughter, Bristol, and the child it is becoming increasingly clear she gave birth to, and that her mother claimed as her own to protect her political career. It doesn’t do a lot of good to champion an abstinence-before-marriage platform when your own unwed teen’s knocked up. (But, you know, that’s what fucking happens when we refuse to give our teenagers useful information about and support for their sexuality, but whatever, I’ll back off that rant for now. I have a feeling there will be plenty of time for it later.)

This link has a ton of photos of Sarah Palin just a month or two before she “gave birth” — she doesn’t look preggers at all. They also offer tons of other evidence to support their point — including the fact that, after going into labor, Sarah traveled for hours (on an airplane!) to “give birth” in a remote hospital in her home town, even though the baby was a month premature. Additionally, at the same time as Governor Palin’s “pregnancy,” her 16-year-old daughter, Sarah, was out of school for over five months due to “mono.”

Perhaps most damning is this photo of Bristol taken in late 2007. The baby was born in April 2008. Stomach fat or growing baby?

What do you guys think????

Geez, ya know, when I was a little kid and my dad wanted to spend some quality time with me, he’d, like, toss me into the car and let me eat chicken wings at Hooters while he watched the game with his buddies.

Brad Pitt?*

Takes his sons to the Venice Film Festival.

It’s clear that I was not loved as a child.

* Question: Should we start calling him Brad Jolie-Pitt? I think yes.

Before she was John McCain’s out-of-the-blue VP pick, Sarah Palin (nee Heath) was a sportscaster in Alaska. This clip is a riot. You know you’ve really made it when you’re reporting on the Iditarod. God, did anyone else have to read that book in, like, third grade about the little boy who had this amazing dog and they ran the Iditarod and then the dog died like ten feet from the finish line and the big scary Indian picked up the dog and carried it across the finish line? Okay I don’t even remember the name of the book but my eyes are welling up with tears just thinking about it. And sorry to ruin the ending if you’re a third-grader reading this. Actually, if you’re a third-grader reading this, go get your mom and tell her I said she ought to pay closer attention to what you’re doing on the Internet. You know what? Don’t bother. She’s probably too busy drafting an angry letter to her Congressman about how Miley Cyrus isn’t doing an acceptable job of raising you.

What was I talking about?

Oh, right. Sarah Palin.

Now people are murmuring that her youngest child is not actually hers, but rather a kiddo her daughter popped out — out of wedlock, of course. Talk amongst yourselves.

Thanks Chelsea!

“It’s news to me. He didn’t seem any more or less horny than anyone I worked with.”

David Duchovny’s writer pal Matt Dearborn, commenting about the actor’s recent decision to check into sex addiction rehab.

Heh, you know this whole checking-into-sex-rehab thing is just Tea Leoni’s punishment for finding out he’d cheated on her at some point. And it’s actually quite brilliant. When he’s groveling like “Please, baby, let me make it up to you. What can I do? Just tell me, baby? I’ll do anything,” Tea thinks about it and is like, “Jesus, what’s a fair punishment for this. Well, I could just go ahead and cheat on you, and that would technically make us even, but that’s just going to put a further strain on our relationship. I could chop off your nuts, but, in the long run, that’s not doing me any favors, either. What would be a suitable punishment? Hm … Oooh! I’VE GOT IT!”

And that is how David Duchovny ended up having his lawyer issue a formal statement indicating that he’d checked into rehab for sex addiction.

Speaking of which, does anyone else remember that Bree Sharp song, “David Duchovny (Why Won’t You Love Me?)”

I’ve included the YouTube vid here in case you haven’t. Because everyone should hear this song.

I remember, after that song came out, some interviewer asked him what he thought about it all. And he said he’d written a rebuttal track called “Tea Leoni Why Won’t You Blow Me,” so it was all good. Ha.