Lately it seems that all my D-list reality TV future husbands have been being yanked off the market.

First, Bachelor Andrew Firestone goes and gets married, and now Top Chef‘s Sam Talbot is engaged! He and his girlfriend, Colombian model Paola Guerro, have decided to make it official. The two met in Brazil last December.

“I’m so in love it’s unreal. We got engaged this weekend,” said Talbot. “She’s amazing. She’s stunning … She takes care of me in many ways. I’m quite lucky.”

If this sort of crap keeps up, I’m gonna wind up having to marry Stephen the Sommelier, or possibly even Austin Scarlett. I think I’d rather marry Austin Scarlett. He’s soooo pretty!

Britney Spears is still vacationing in Mexico with George Maloof — who you can see relaxing on a pool chair in this photo — and whoever this mystery boy-toy is.

Can any of you ID him?

Also: I love Britney’s swimsuit here. Can any of you ID it, too?

Looks like Work Out star Jackie Warner moves on quick!

She and her much younger girlfriend were having difficulties at the end of last season, and apparently Jackie decided to cut her loose. She was spotted out clubbing in LA last night with her new girlfriend, Lisa Alvarez.

Uh … why is she doing that with her fingers?

Whoopi Goldberg got tongues wagging when she admitted on The View today that she’s had “about fifty” different lovers.

Um … Whoopi’s 52 years old. She was married only briefly when she was 18. So, assuming she lost her virginity at the age of 18, that averages out to approximately 1.47 different men a year.

That’s not called slutty. That’s called dating.

1.47 men? That’s like my monthly figure. Whoopi’s a freakin’ saint.

Here’s Mischa Barton getting cozy with her boyfriend, guitarist Taylor Locke, on the beach in Venice, California.

I’m sorry, but those swim trunks are not a good look for him.

I hope those are attack birds sitting next to them. You know, that would actually be a pretty cool trick. To teach a bunch of those little beach birds to attack, and then when a Heidi Montag or Paris Hilton or Mischa Barton is getting all bikini-style slutty for the paparazzi out in Malibu or Venice, you just release the birds, and then the paparazzi get all sorts of fun shots of Heidi Montag’s eyes being gouged out by an attack seagull. Everybody wins! Except Heidi Montag. But I’ve already made my peace with that.

Is is possible that, for once, OK! magazine didn’t get the baby photos?

It appears People magazine has come out on top in the bidding war for the Brangelina twin photos. People will pay between $10-15M for the photos (the exact figure has not been released). Brad & Angie will, of course, donate the cash to charity.

Normally I don’t give a crap about celebrity baby photos — because all babies just look like babies to me — but for some reason I’m really excited to see these photos. I want to see if the babies have wings and halos. I betcha they do. If not, they can at least levitate. I’m certain of that.