Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Ryan Seacrest Bit by a Shark Tragically Survives

I’m going to leave it as an exercise for the reader to determine where the commas go in the above header.

Ryan Seacrest got bit by a shark while swimming in the ocean this weekend. “He took a bite, and he left,” said Ryan on his radio show this morning. He said he later found one of the shark’s teeth in him. “It was like finding a splinter!”

You know this is all a total cover-up. Ryan’s sex party got a little out-of-hand Saturday night, and he needed to explain away the strange bite marks. And he didn’t find a shark tooth inside him so much as a giant penis, probably.

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