Here’s the always amusing Richard Simmons, taking Capitol Hill by storm on Thursday.
Simmons was at the Capitol to testify before the House Education and Labor Committee about expanding physical education in public schools to combat childhood obesity.
I went to a BBQ in a suburb a little bit north of Seattle earlier in the week, and the family had a badminton net in their backyard. I was like “Oh my God! Give me a shuttlecock!” I hadn’t played badminton since high school P.E., but I LOVED it back then. See, we decided early on that traditional badminton was quite dull, so my girlfriends and I invented Full-Contact Badminton. Basically, it’s just like traditional badminton, except you can attack the person on the other side of the net with your racquet or your body. Or, preferably, both. This went really well until one of the girls broke her arm during a particularly rousing game of Full-Contact Badminton. And then it was banned.
OMG I have so many great P.E. stories. Did you guys have to change into different clothes for P.E.? We did. And this one time in sixth grade, this one girl had a little orange stain on the bottom of her yellow P.E. shorts. Probably from a marker or something. I mean, it was freakin’ orange. And this other girl, who was kind of a bitch, was like “Oh my God! She got her period in her P.E. shorts!” And everyone laughed and then the girl with the shorts just turned around and smacked the chick straight across her face. We didn’t have to go to P.E. that day. Instead, we all sat in the gym and talked about “the incident,” and how we all needed to be respectful of the changes our bodies were undergoing. Even though this stain was soooo obviously orange.
Okay okay just one more. From fifth grade. Substitute teacher. Mrs. James. We loved having Mrs. James as a substitute, because she was always completely trashed. Just drunk out of her head. This particular day, Mrs. James was substituting for P.E., and it was kickball day. And we’re all playing kickball, and Mrs. James is wandering around the outfield muttering to herself and occasionally slurring instructions to us, and there’s this one girl in our class who has managed to be six feet tall in the fifth grade. I’m not kidding. She was very sweet, but she was gigantic. So this girl gets up to kick the kickball, and the pitch comes in, and she gives it a gigantic swing, and the ball soars out into the outfield, where it hits the unsuspecting Mrs. James right in the head, and Mrs. James’ drunk ass just topples right over. Amazing.
What was my point?
P.E. is awesome.