Sigh.

Slow news day.

Video of Shaq literally talking out of his ass is after the jump.

Eh, you know, if this is the worst kind of antics this guy’s gonna pull, fine with me. This is no biggie.

(more…)

You’d be sad, too, if you and your fiance broke up and then like two seconds later he was engaged to a girl ten years younger than you who’s releasing an album of Tom Waits covers.

“I took a break over the past two and half years. I was tending to my personal life,” says Alanis. During that time, she says she hit “rock bottom” due to “a personal unraveling of significant relationships in my life.”

A “personal unraveling of significant relationships“? What does that even mean, Alanis? Like, if you’d been talking about an “unraveling of significant personal relationships” or a “personal unraveling due to problems in significant relationships,” I’d get it. But what exactly does a “personal unraveling” mean in this context? See, now, you’re just juxtaposing evocative words to make yourself sound like an angsty poet. This is annoying, and possibly even more so than recording an entire album of Tom Waits covers. Just so you know.

Alanis has a new album coming out June 10, called Flavors of Entanglement, which supposedly “chronicles the rock bottom finally being hit.”

She had no comment on Ryan Reynolds’ recent engagement to Scarlett Johansson.

After an evening of partying at Goa, Lindsay Lohan tried to climb into Samantha Ronson’s car and speed away. But she got so frustrated with the swarm of paparazzi that she got out of the car and ran toward them, arms spread, trying to knock them over, I guess.

This is the sort of thing that just doesn’t happen when Lindsay Lohan’s sober.

And is that a cigarette sticking out from her top hat?

Classy.

Nick was sentenced to eight months in jail for critically injuring his pal John Graziano.

He also got five years’ probation, 500 hours community service, and lost his drivers license for three years.

TMZ liveblogged the sentencing. Jesus.

Nick was taken away to jail immediately.

And apparently Brooke was dressed like a total hooker at the sentencing, but I haven’t been able to find a pic just yet.

Celebitchy opens her article on this subject with the following line:

I guess the answer to the question “who did Sarah Larson screw to get on the cover of Harpers Bazaar?” is obvious.

I can’t top that.

Text message this morning from “Josh”:

“Why is everyone calling me Josh?”

Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

I love you, sweetie.