Here’s Denise “Bad Person” Richards at a charity event for Fertile Hope, which provides fertility resources to cancer patients.

You are not fooling anyone, Denise. You only go to these charity events because no one else wants you around.

And Denise? Bright pink lipstick went out about 20 years ago. You should donate the remainder of your collection to charity and issue a press release.

Heh.

So I’m at Scottsdale Fashion Square today, helping a couple of my friends get ready for a wedding this afternoon (congrats Sarah and Nate!!!) and we keep seeing these really hot black dudes around.

Now, Scottsdale is a wonderful place, but it is not exactly known for being a mecca of black people. So my friends and I learned way back in high school that when there are hot black men at Fashion Square, there is some sort of athletic event in town. There are stories to tell here, but my grandfather reads this blog.

Anyway, my one girlfriend and I are sitting at the make-up counter at Neimans and we keep seeing these super hot, buff black dudes walk by, and we’re just sort of ogling them. Then my other girlfriend walks up and whispers to me “You see all the hot black dudes?” and I’m like “Fuck yeah” and she’s like “Fight Night” and I’m like “Ahhhhh.”

It’s a charity event that Muhammed Ali puts on annually to raise money for causes primarily related to fighting Parkinsons.

But you know what’s total bullshit? None of those hot black men are on WireImage for this event. It’s all old rich white people: Faith Hill, Kevin Costner, Reba McIntyre, Tony Hawk, etc. The best I could do was Jordin Sparks. I am seriously disappointed. I really wanted to see the pictures of these guys, mainly because there were one or two I’d like to formally begin stalking. And by “stalking” I of course mean “having sex with.”

The acclaimed actor and former NRA president passed away on Saturday night at his home in Beverly Hills, with his wife Lydia by his side.

Heston announced in 2002 that he had symptoms consistent with Alzheimers, saying at the time that “I must reconcile courage and surrender in equal measure.”

RIP, buddy.

Yup, that’s right, he’s releasing his second album of original material, On My Way Here, on May 6.

So that means he’ll be running around doing publicity for it, and sticking his hand in Kelly Ripa’s face, etc, and everyone’s gonna be all like, “So are you gay, dude?” and he’s gonna be all like “How about those Knicks?” and it’s all going to be very exciting and important and newsworthy, especially when Rosie O’Donnell inevitably weighs in.

Also: it’s been five years since Clay Aiken was on American Idol.

That’s really scary. Where does the time go?

Britain really, really doesn’t want Snoop Dogg in their country.

Britain’s Border Agency said Friday it would appeal a court’s decision to reverse an earlier ruling that had banned Snoop Dogg from entering the country after the rapper and his entourage started a fight at Heathrow Airport in April 2006.

He and five others were arrested at Heathrow on charges of violent disorder for instigating a brawl in a nearby duty-free shop after their 30-person posse was denied entry into British Airways’ first-class lounge because not everyone in the group was holding first-class tickets. Seven officers were injured in the melee.

I’m sure it all seemed very cute and unimportant at the time, but Britain didn’t feel that way. They banned Snoop from entering the country, and it meant he had to cancel a British Isles tour with Diddy, so now he’s looking to make it all better.

“Snoop and his team are mystified at the decision and are hoping that the British government will reconsider this decision,” says his rep. “He has asked how he can help rectify the situation and would happily talk to and give assurances to the officials.”

Snoop is also currently banned from Australia, where their prime minister said that “he doesn’t seem the sort of bloke we want in this country.”

Heh. It does kind of seem like Britain’s making an unfair example of him, but I can’t say I blame them. Like, it’s neither cute nor badass to start fist fights in international airports in a post-9/11 world. You have to be pretty fucking dumb to pull that crap. Save that shit for the playground, boys.

Like even this photo — which was taken at his album release party in late March — kind of pisses me off. I know you have a reputation to protect, Snoop, but you also have children of your own, and you’re actively glorifying gun violence by wearing that necklace. I know you rap about much worse shit, and you absolutely have that right, in much the same way you absolutely have the right to wear that necklace, but really? Do you have to? You’re 36 years old now. Doesn’t it ever just get exhausting to define yourself with violence?

I never watched Real Housewives of Orange County. Actually, I should amend that statement: I once watched about 10 minutes of Real Housewives of Orange County, and then made it a point to never watch it again, in much the same way one makes it a point to never mix bleach and ammonia in a closed room.

But I guess one of the show’s “stars,” Bethenny Frankel, is dating some dude named Jason Colodne, and his hoity-toity New York-based private equity firm, Patriarch Partners, is firing his ass, allegedly for appearing on the show. Jason’s suing them to the tune of $55M for firing him without cause.

Says a lawyer for the company: “I’m suggesting that one of the reasons for his absences in the office was because he was filming a tawdry show. They found out he was on the show when promos ran. He’s on a show and never mentioned it. Any other company would have fired him on the spot. He also was not performing or bringing in new deal flow.”

But an inside source says that “he cannot be on television because the firm is very private.”

I’ve included here a photo of Bethenny, because I couldn’t find any of Jason. Bethenny reminds me of this girl I once knew who did a lot of meth, and used to slash tires in parking lots just because. That girl scared me, and so does Bethenny. Anyone who looks at this woman and thinks “Yes, this is what I want to wake up to in the morning” is actually probably perfectly suited to work in private equity.