I wonder how much you have to pay to be one of the “Cool New People” on the MySpace front page.

Larry Rudolph is there today. You can check out his full profile here. His comments are mostly just people begging him to help Britney. Hee hee.

Also, I can’t for the life of me get the plugin working that was allowing me to show photos of myself on here. And I get no end of emails from you guys like “What do you look like???” Seriously there was one guy who emailed me five times, like, “Me again! I’ll stop emailing you if you send me pics of yourself!!!” So I’ve decided to take the plunge and let people I don’t actually know in person be added as my MySpace friend. I will hear no end of this from my parents, who are fairly certain I will inevitably be stabbed to death by a stalker or a dissatisfied celebrity. But whatever. If you wanna be my MySpace friend, the profile is here. If you’ve tried before and been unceremoniously rejected, try again. I won’t be such a bitch this time.

Here’s Heather Matarazzo — who I adore — at the premiere of Then She Found Me, posing with her real-life girlfriend, Caroline Murphy. They’ve been together since 2003, and Heather came out publicly in 2004.

I’m just saying.

For those of you who formally registered as Natalie Portman non-lovers, this oughtta come as a nice treat.

Oh, this is nice.

Lindsay Lohan has created a Facebook page under the name “Lindsay Ronson.”

She’s using her Facebook status to address the rumors that she’s fallen off the wagon, referring to these pictures when she says “dont believe the hype. im taking my sobriety seriously, and day by day. it was 430 am!”

You gotta fucking love that she’s still warring with Lauren Hastings, her former rehab frenemy, as it appears they are calling one another fat in their comments while debating who is working a better AA program of love and serenity. OMG. I just sent a friend request to Lauren. I have GOT to see what the other end of this convo looks like. I’ll let you guys know if she approves my request.

Our Commander in Chief’s much-heralded visit to “Deal or No Deal” on Monday night did nothing to improve the show’s ratings. In fact, that episode matched its lowest Monday rating ever. Ahhhhhhh ha ha ha ha ha ha. Britney Spears scores HIMYM its highest ratings ever. President Bush lands this show its lowest ratings ever. Loves. It.

Maybe it’s just that everyone knew that the part with President Bush would be all over the Internet, like, five seconds later. But everyone knew that about Britney’s appearance, too, and they still watched. Maybe Americans are just sick of seeing his lame duck face anywhere, period.

We have it here, in case you care.

It’s like they’re grooming her to become Britney Spears. Warts and all.

Like, remember when Britney went crazy and decided she hated her mother and wanted absolutely no contact with the woman and blamed her for the entirety of her problems? And remember how that was really funny because just a few years back Britney and Lynne had written a book about how much they loved each other and how close they were and what a fantastic, indestructible relationship they had?

Yeah.

So now Miley Cyrus is doing the same thing.

She’s signed a 7-figure deal with Disney Book Group to write an autobiography about her life (all 15 years of it), and especially her relationship with her mother.

The book will focus on the 15-year-old’s road to fame, from growing up in Tennessee to navigating the spotlight as an international star, and how her family – especially mother Leticia – helps keep her grounded. According to Disney, the book will feature never-before-seen photos, family stories and a look at the star’s inner circle.

“I am so excited to let fans in on how important my relationship with my family is to me,” Cyrus said. “I hope to motivate mothers and daughters to build lifetimes of memories together, and inspire kids around the world to live their dreams.”

Oh, man, you guys. It’s totally happening all over again.