In a year or so, we’ll all be playing games of Six Degrees of John Mayer’s Penis on road trips.

Seriously, this dude is just working his way through Hollywood.

Up now: John Mayer and newly single Jennifer Aniston, sharing an intimate lunch at Michael’s Genuine Food & Drink in Miami.

“I can’t speculate on what kind of meeting it was but they looked happy and seemed to have a great time,” says the manager. Apparently Jen ordered a salad, but ate some of John’s ham sandwich (and I mean that in a strictly literal sense, kids), and they split some manner of chocolate peanut butter dessert.

Cute.

Pamela Anderson is in DC for the White House Press Correspondents Association Dinner (why was I not invited???), and she decided to make a stop on Capitol Hill and hand-deliver a PETA report on outdated animal tests performed by the U.S. government to the Department of Health and Human Services.

I think what the report indicates is that there are safer, less cruel ways to test products on animals, but the government insists on using older methods anyway.

The guy she’s with is totally gay an SVP at PETA.

In a brief interview/photo shoot for GQ magazine, 19-year-old Vanessa Hudgens manages to get this quote in:

“If you have paparazzi, you know you’ve gotten somewhere.”

Smart girl. And it doesn’t really matter how you managed to attract those paparazzi once they’re with you, now does it, dear?

Also, GQ decided to title the article “High School Lolita.”

Loves it.

A 22-year-old girl was arrested at Chicago’s Crimson Lounge on Thursday night after jumping into Samantha Ronson’s DJ booth and refusing to leave.

“She was only 100 pounds, but she managed to take two of my own security guys down,” Crimson’s general manager Matthew McCahill told E! News. “I just looked over and I saw that two of my guys were down. I know she kneed one of them, but I don’t know how she got the other one down.”

Ahhhhhhhhhh ha ha ha ha ha ha. I wish I could take credit for this, you guys, but I have plenty of witnesses who can place me in Seattle at the time the incident took place.

You know who else was there?

Yup: Lindsay Lohan, who appears to be following Samantha around the country. It’s so silly that they feel they can’t just come out and say they’re dating. Like, unless Lindsay is suddenly Samantha’s personal assistant, there’s no other decent explanation for her following SamRo to all her gigs everywhere in the country. Like, I have close girlfriends, but, when they travel for work, I don’t come along. Hmmm. I know: maybe Samantha Ronson is trying to get clean, and Lindsay Lohan is her full-time sobriety coach. Yes. That makes a lot more sense.

Linds and SamRo are currently on their way to Vegas, where Samantha’s DJ’ing tonight and tomorrow night at Planet Hollywood.

Gary Coleman and his wife, Shannon Price, are going to be appearing on Divorce Court on May 1 and 2.

Among the problems the pair discusses with Judge Lynn Toler are Coleman’s anger and intimacy issues. Coleman and Price agree they have “ugly” monthly fights.

“If he doesn’t get his way, he throws a temper tantrum like a five-year-old does,” Price says, according to a transcript of the show provided to The Associated Press. “He like stomps the floor and yells, ‘Meehhhh,’ and starts throwing stuff around. He bashes his head in the wall, too.

Shannon says Gary has no friends and will inexplicably disappear from home in the middle of the night.

“I don’t have any friends and don’t have any intention of making any,” Gary agrees. “People will stab you in the back, mistreat you, talk about me behind your back, steal from you. And they’re not really your friends. (They’re) only there because you’re a celebrity or because they want to get something from you.”

Aw, Gary. I kind of feel bad for this guy. He must have been treated like such shit when he was a child star, and it fucks with his head to this day. Still, though. Taking your marital woes to Divorce Court? That’s some hard-core famewhoring.

Says Clay Aiken in a recent interview, when asked about all the attention surrounding his sexuality:

“People don’t want to have that type of stuff pushed, people who are living in Omaha or in Charlotte or wherever. They don’t want stuff like that pushed in their face. I don’t think that’s necessary and that’s also not what I’m here for. I mean, I went on Idol to be a singer, I went on Idol to be an entertainer and that’s what my priority is.”

And, like, I totally see his point about his sexuality not being a priority, but what the fuck is he implying about Omaha? Or Charlotte? Like, that people in those cities are more offended by homosexuality? That people in those cities prefer to look the other way when it comes to homosexuality? Or that people in those cities are simply less interested in one’s sexuality in general? I don’t get it.

Is there anyone around here from Omaha or Charlotte who is interested in exactly what Clay Aiken’s whacks off to at night?

And you know what’s extra funny? I don’t even know where Omaha is. But, thanks to Adam Duritz, I can tell you with a great deal of confidence that it is “somewhere in middle America.”