Gwyneth Paltrow worked hard for those legs, dammit, and she’s gonna make damn sure everybody notices them.
Hell, I’d do the same thing.
I went to the gym for the first time in FOREVER today. Yeah, that’s right, I am getting my fucking life together. I even have a trainer! She’s a really cool chick. I love her because when she asked me if I smoked and I said yes she didn’t look at me like I’d just admitted to burning newborn babies in my backyard bonfire pit during my menstrual cycle. She was like, “Do you want to quit?” And I was basically like, “Well, in theory, yes, but, you know, socialism works in theory too.” But she was overall really cool about it, and so I fell in love with her. And she gave me a little form to fill out with this big ol’ table where I was supposed to list all the daily exercise I was doing. And I just wrote across it, in huge letters, “NOTHING” and she didn’t seem to hate me for that, either. She gave me this little diet plan and I went to Trader Joe’s and got everything on it — and Leo got little beef sticks that he digs, too — so maybe sometime soon I will have hot Gwyneth legs too. Then I will land me some skinny British musician and have children which I will name Grapefruit and Christ.
After the jump, more photos from this event, including Liv Tyler, Diana Ross, Joy Bryant, My Nemesis Leelee Sobieski, Famke Janssen, Robert Downey Jr., Helena Christensen and Michael Stipe.
the front of her(Gwyneth’s) dress looks like a weird clown face…spooky.
Hahaha. Oh god, the smoking quote make me crack the fuck up. I showed my friend, and he goes “you start smokin again, and i’ll burn you on a backyard pit.” Thats always nice to here. Anyway, I would kill for legs like that. I started working out 3 days ago and so far so good! I’m sure it won’t last for more than two weeks though.
DAMMMMMMMNNNNNN! Gwyneth is rockin these short dresses!!! She looks damn good.
Congrats on going to the gym! I’m very proud of you, I am yet to get my ass up & go. ;) It’s for those exact reasons that you mentioned that I haven’t gone. I smoke…and DO want to quit…but, ya know…yeah. I exercise ummmmm, not at all & don’t feel like having my head bit off for it.
Sounds like you got a good trainer, yay! =) Good luck to ya & getting Gwyneth’s gams! Happy to hear Leo is doing good! ♥
Grapefruit & Christ-hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! I love you.
The best self revelation I have ever read :}
This is the funniest beet post to date i think. Rock on.
I HEART YOU
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!! Honestly….you gave me the best belly laugh today. LOVED your description —– Grapefruit and Christ! LOLZZZZZZZZZZZ
OMG-I talked to my doctor today too!! ‘Cause I have to get my act together and he asked if I drank and I said yes and he didn’t give me attititude which I loved! And now I am committed to a plan–Come on July 4! I am going to be there with you in spirit!
Darling, it was a mutual love affair and your legs will be looking better than Gwyneth’s when I’m through with you, mark my words! Love your humor, love your wit and love that you went to Trader Joe’s! We are so on our way!!! See you Wednesday!
(Uh, Beet your trainer is looking. Might wanna stop with the comments about ice cream and stuff) Grapefruit and Christ rawk, btw.
Dude, she has the largest dome I have ever seen! It’s UGE!
http://www.bannedinhollywood.com
Am I the only one who thinks her legs look kind of weird? But just like the knees, I think the rest of the leg is fine.
Well, I’m not the first nor will I be the last but that Grapefruit comment almost made me drop my laptop!!!!
i love your blog! makes my day, the things you say!
HA Grapefruit and Christ. hilarious
Grapefruit and Christ seem fine too me as long as you don’t suffer the post partum depression scene
Do it!!
Gwyneth’s dress looks like a doiley my grandma crocheted. And I couldn’t care less about her, therefore her legs. You be you, Beet, and just steal Gwyneth’s legs in her sleep and have them surgically attached. No need for exercise as long as you have an alibi.
Good luck at the gym beet!!! And seriously ya crack me up.lol.
Grapefruit and Christ. You are awesome Miss Beet!
Damn! I was going to name my kid Grapefruit… but I guess you snagged it first! haha!