Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Oh Vomit

heidi_backstage.jpg

Here’s Heidi Montag backstage at her “fashion show” for her “fashion line” which will be sold through Anchor Blue.

OMG.

Okay, look, I like to think that, if I had a body like that, I’d still have better sense than to dress that way. Especially at an event where I’m supposed to be the resident professional. I don’t know if that’s true, but I’ll never again have a body like that, so I’ll never have to find out. When I was 14, I used to dress like that. And I looked damn good. All the men at the bus stops thought so.

Ha ha, I remember in 8th grade, we had a class “field trip” to a homeless shelter to help serve food. It was so funny. I went to this absurdly pricey private school, and they’d always have these little events to encourage us to mix with poor people. As an adult, I understand and appreciate what they were trying to do, but, as kids, we just didn’t get it. We didn’t hate poor people, we just didn’t understand what you were supposed to do with them. Like, twice a year they’d have these “mixers” with the local school for homeless kids. It was pretty much the most awkward thing ever. I think, as uninterested as we were in talking with those kids, they were even less interested in talking with us. We’d just stare at them and be like, “Um, can we give you a makeover?” and we were genuinely trying to be helpful, but of course, in retrospect, it was very awful of us. I think the whole thing just furthered the divide. We were trying to be nice, but I’m sure we ended up confirming every single stereotype those kids ever had about rich people. They were probably anti-motivated to go to college and get good jobs after meeting us, like, “I don’t want to do anything that might make me remotely like that.”

But anyway. The whole reason I’m telling this story is that, like, they took us all to the homeless shelter, and we were all dressed pretty much like Heidi Montag. Like in our little rich-middle-schooler tiny tops and tiny shorts and make-up caked on and Kate Spade purses in hand and they just paraded us into this inner-city shelter filled with homeless old men. Worst. Idea. Ever. I distinctly remember one of them looking me up and down and being like, “They didn’t make ’em like that when I was 14,” and, at that moment, I realized that this whole trip had been terribly, terribly ill-conceived.

So I guess what I’m saying is that Heidi Montag looks like a trashy teenage wannabe slut.

15 CommentsLeave a comment

  • Wow, I found that Beet background very interesting. Heidi Montag, not so much. But Tales from the Beet…you should write a book. For real.

  • I love a word americans use in such events
    BIMBO!
    I just love it!
    especially because in my country a bimbo is a redneck in the US

  • well, trashy she may be but at least she is out there working and earing her own money rather than leeching of the state!

    Her body is great – better if it wasn’t full of plastic but still….

    she looks sad though – i mean in the eyes :'( cheer up heidi! ditch spencer and move on up

  • I do declare.. my starving, sucked out, inhanced body is pretty much perfect now so let us celebrate ME! Iz that her outie belly button hanging over the waistband..? So Chic! >_<

  • I saw pictures of her clothing line already.
    They’re pretty much what you’d expect.
    They aren’t even flattering on the models.
    Nothing says class like Zebra print and daisy dukes.

  • @ FrozeRightHere:

    I probably should write a book. A former student of my old school, a girl named Stacey Richter, published a collection of short stories called “My Date with Satan.” One of the stories is called “The Beauty Treatment,” and it’s about her experiences at that school. You can read it here:

    http://www.mississippireview.com/1997/richter.html

  • Wow. If that’s the kind of fodder you have in your head then definitely write a book. You have such a wonderful way with words – funny, observant, engaging. Mix that up with the dark underbelly of the highbrow private school world & I’ll bet it’d make for great reading. And then there’s your later teens, early twenties, oh my!

  • hores, if no1 likes her why is her ass all over the mags and blogs and shit?!? she is pretty with a great body….don’t hate ya’ll!

  • If she were a prostitute, I’d pay her just to listen to me talk about things. That’s what prostitutes do… they listen, people. They listen…