Oh, Justin. You have five kids. Just get the rehab stay over with, buddy.

The Grey’s Anatomy star was spotted at a Palm Springs bar recently, drifting in and out of consciousness.

“He was acting as if he was on drugs, like some kind of downers. His eyes were glazed over. He slurred his words and staggered when he tried to walk,” the eyewitness added. “At one point, he was hunched over a table, then abruptly woke up and shouted out of the blue, ‘I am a father of five kids! I am a damn good father! Leave me alone!’ It was really unsettling.”

And that’s not all! Justin, who was without his wife Keisha, began hitting on a waitress! When she showed no interest, he slapped money out of her hand. “As she picked it up off the floor, he said, ‘That’s right, bitch, that’s where you belong. Pick up the money!’ “

We should start a pool on when this kid’s gonna show up at Promises.

Remember that LA Times story we called bullshit on, like, weeks ago?

The LA Times called bullshit on it today, too.

“In relying on documents that I now believe were fake, I failed to do my job,” said Chuck Philips, the reporter behind a story accusing Sean “Diddy” Combs of being behind a shooting of Tupac. “I’m sorry.”

The Deputy Managing Editor made a statement of his own: We should not have let ourselves be fooled. That we were is as much my fault as Chuck’s. I deeply regret that we let our readers down.”

So there you go.

I was right, the mainstream media was wrong.

Hooray! ;)

Abigail Breslin was inducted into the Girl Scouts in what appears to be a publicity stunt for her new film, Nim’s Island.

Dude, I’d totally forgotten about Girl Scouts. I was a Girl Scout. I remember the other girls and I, in, like, second grade, would go door-to-door all around the neighborhood selling cookies. Yup, just two or three short-skirted eight-year-olds, naively ringing doorbells, devoid of any adult supervision. Were there fewer child rapists around those days or were our parents just less aware of their existence? Today, girls sit in front of the Best Buy, practically bodyguarded by their mothers, or else the parents just drag the stupid cookie sheets into their work and pressure all their coworkers to buy a bunch.

My mom made me watch videos of when I was a little girl the other day. I’m talking, like, four years old, and I’m climbing up huge trees and jungle gyms and falling down flat on my ass and then getting up and trying again. No one is, you know, putting down the video camera to check to make sure I’m okay after falling ten feet out of a tree. I was horrified! I was like, “Mom! You just let me keep falling like that?” and she was like “Eh, it was a different time. And you turned out okay, didn’t you?”

I don’t know where I’m going with this. I don’t know what Girl Scouts is today, but I imagine it’s nothing like when I was a kid. When I was a little girl, you earned your right to be a Girl Scout. With your blood, sweat and tears, not by starring in some pansy-ass fantasy film. We had Arts and Crafts, beyotch, not Craft Services. Abigail Breslin better get her ass on the street and sell some fucking cookies if she wants to wear that sash with any pride.

Nah, I’m kidding. GSA (I guess it’s not even GSA anymore … they’re the Girls Scouts of the USA now) is a fantastic organization that does a lot of good work toward building confidence and leadership skills in young women. Learn more here.

Us magazine is reporting that JLS’s engagement to supposed baby daddy Casey Aldridge is confirmed … by one of Casey’s cousins.

“He proposed a few days ago, and she accepted,” said cousin Tina Roberts.

Okay, is this really a confirmation? Like, this is Mississippi, right? How many cousins do you think Casey Aldridge has? And couldn’t he be married to one already?

The cousin says she hasn’t seen the ring and didn’t know if the wedding would take place before or after Jamie delivers.

And let’s not forget here that Jamie-Lynn is sixteen years old.

Sixteen!

In California, she wouldn’t even qualify for an unrestricted drivers license!

Congrats to Muhammed Ali’s daughter, who is pregnant with her first child.

The baby daddy is her husband, NFL star Curtis Conway.

“I don’t know yet if we are having a boy or a girl, but I’m excited that I have a life inside me that my husband and I created,” she says. “I am 100 percent undeniably happy. “I’ve never been able to say that before.”

Awww … yay for them.

Seriously I hope this baby is a boy. Because if it’s a girl, no one is ever going to date her. Like, it’s bad enough having a dad who plays professional football, but when even your mom is an champion fighter? No chick is worth that kind of stress.

I dunno.

I haven’t slept in like 36 hours.

I’m taking a nap before I start thinking the photos on WireImage are talking to me.