As discussed in the previous post, my friend and I ended up taking a little trip to Fascinations.

We purchased the implement pictured above.

It is the Jenna Jameson Velvet G. (Also available at the store: a fake version of Jenna Jameson’s vagina. Seriously. She sat for a cast and everything. There are pictures of it on the box. Weeeeird.)

This retails for $14.99.

Here’s our question: What the hell do you do with this? It vibrates and stuff, and I do realize that you’re supposed to stick it inside you, but at what angle? We refuse to try, lest we make the wrong decision and wind up vaginally injured. We looked for directions, but the only thing available in the box was a warranty. A warranty! They should warranty my damn vagina, selling something like this without instructions!

Any thoughts?

I promise I’ll get back to the gossip soon. I’m just in a porn mood tonight.

I know we normally just talk about celebrities on this blog, but this is so funny I just had to share.

I was having dinner with a friend tonight, and we were like “What should we do later tonight?” and somehow the suggestion of going to a sex toy store came up. And we’re cracking up already, like, “What are we going to buy at a sex toy store?” And my friend was like “Butt plugs?” And I almost died laughing, like, “What do people even do with butt plugs anyway?”

So we looked it up on Wikipedia, and the entry was pretty much the funniest thing I have ever read. I’ve included the majority of it here, with my favorite parts highlighted:

Butt plugs (or anal plugs) are sex toys designed to be inserted in the anus and rectum for sexual pleasure. In some ways, they are similar to a dildo, but they tend to be shorter, and to have a flared end to prevent the device from being lost inside the rectum. (It is generally ill-advised to use a standard dildo anally, since it may get stuck, requiring medical extraction.)

The users of butt plugs include men and women of all sexual orientations.

Unlike the vagina, which is closed off by the cervix, the rectum leads to the sigmoid colon. Objects which are inserted into the rectum can therefore potentially travel up into the bowel: the flared end on a butt plug exists to prevent this.

In addition, the lower bowel above the rectum is easily perforated. For this reason, butt plugs tend to be shorter than dildos, and their range in size tends generally to be a variation in circumference. They must also be very smooth to avoid damaging the rectum or bowel. In order to get them into the rectum, they most commonly have a general profile of a round-ended cone which then narrows to a “waist” which locates itself at the anal sphincter, with the flared part outside the body, preventing the butt plug from slipping further into the body. The sphincter muscle will hold the plug in place by the waist, preventing the plug from slipping out unintentionally.

As with other activities involving anal penetration, such as anal sex, large amounts of sexual lubricant and a slow gentle approach are needed to insert or remove a butt plug.

Butt plugs are often used covered by condoms for hygiene, and to allow for the easy disposal of any feces that they may come in contact with. Nevertheless, they should not be shared with other people, due to the risk of blood-borne diseases, including HIV that can arise from the transfer of body fluids from one person to another. These should also never be used to stimulate any area other than the rectum, though they often are.

A butt plug is not necessarily confined to only anal stimulation. Butt plugs may be transferred and rotated to and from the rectum, vagina, and mouth. [Ed -- who exactly is transfering the butt plug from the rectum to the mouth?] This is quite an unsanitary way to engage in sexual stimulation unless certain precautions are made; such as cleaning the butt plug in an anti-bacterial fashion by e.g. alcohol, the vagina being covered in plastic wrap, the buttplug being covered by a condom (which is removed before any transferring takes place), and other various methods. If these measures are not taken, fecal matter may be passed to other parts of the body causing sickness, infections, and a malodorous scent. Though these ill side effects may take place, some butt plug users will still take this risk.

Seriously, people! BE SAFE OUT THERE WITH YOUR BUTT PLUGS!!!!

Really, though, have any of you ever used butt plugs in your sexual relations?? Why? I wanna hear stories, kids!

L. O. L.

It doesn’t seem to matter if you spell it with an “e” or an “i”: If your name is Kristen, you’re probably naked on the Internet today.

We’ve got the first (tame) photos of Ashley Alexandra Dupre (aka “Kristen”) in the Girls Gone Wild footage — from when she was 18.

The naughty ones are sure to hit the Internet in the next few hours.

I’ll be waiting.

This lady really just needs to stay as far away from Versace-related events as possible. She is not helping their cause. Like, as soon as Versace starts selling a line of coffins, Donatella can show up to pitch them. Until then? Hide, woman, hide.

Donatella emerged from her crypt to attend the launch of the Versace Menswear line at Barney’s New York.

With all the plastic surgery this woman’s had, you’d think they could do something about her damn cankles. Those things are frightening!!!

Soleil Moon Frye had her second child on Monday.

The little girl’s name is Jagger, which is a hell of a lot better than her other daughter’s name, which is Poet. Poet? Way to set the kid up to be an angsty teen. There will be some angry musings scribbled in the margins of that girl’s algebra notes, mark my words.

Soleil currently runs a baby boutique in LA called The Little Seed.

Congrats, Punky!