Heidi debuted her new single, “No More,” after The Hills aired on Monday night.

At first, I really liked the intro, and I was like, “Holy shit, is this thing actually going to be good?” I really wasn’t sure what I’d do with myself if it was.

Thankfully, though, once Heidi starts singing, the whole thing’s atrocious. I mean really, really bad. It’s amateurish and simplistic and the vocals are basically synthesized and the lyrics sound like they came straight from the history notebook of a heartbroken 8th-grader.

Listen for yourself here.

Just give this up, Heidi. It’s not working.

After Governor Eliot Spitzer resigned from his office in New York after being caught in the middle of a prostitution ring, it turns out his replacement — David Paterson — has a long and distinguished history of drug use and extra-marital affairs.

The conversation he had with NY1′s Inside City Hall on Monday night went, literally, like this:

Carter: Marijuana?

Paterson: Yes.

Carter: Cocaine?

Paterson: Yes.

Carter: You have used cocaine, Governor?

Paterson: I’d say I was about 22-23. I tried it a few times, yes.

Paterson and his wife have also both admitted to having affairs outside their marriage, although neither wants to talk about how many.

Jesus Christ, people!

You know, I used to think that, with my past, I could never in a million years run for public office. But now I’m thinking otherwise. Hell, I haven’t used cocaine since I was about 23, either! In fairness, though, that was like 3 years ago.

Paterson is both the first African-American and first legally blind governor of New York.

Check out Adam Carrolla and Julianne Hough on this week’s Dancing with the Stars.

After the jump, find Priscilla Presley and Kristi Yamaguchi’s performances.

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Jodie Foster spends Easter weekend frolicking with her two sons in Maui.

The boys’ names are Charles Bernard Foster and Kit Bernard Foster. The Bernard is a tribute to Jodie’s longtime girlfriend, Cydney Bernard. Jodie has never commented on who the children’s father is.

I know. Weird, right?

The tennis star finally began making public appearances with singer/actor Common (real name: Lonnie Rashid Lynn, Jr.), who’s been reported to be her love interest for several months now.

The duo hit up a WeHo nightclub over Easter weekend, and the paparazzi managed to get some shots of them on their way out.

Awww … good for Serena!

Audrina Patridge reminds us all that she does, occasionally, wear clothes, at The Hills Season 3 premiere party in NYC.

And if you, like me, are living at your father’s house where there’s no television, remember that you can watch the entire new episode of The Hills on their website, here. It’s a great way to spend the workday!