Kim celebrated the big 3-0 by getting wasted at Plumm in NYC with her friends, and, from the looks of it, her more-than-friends.

Who is this guy?

He looks like a long-lost Baldwin brother. You know, one of the ones with a raging alcohol problem.

Can anyone ID this fella?

Images via Splash

K-Fed has been awarded sole custody for the time being.

It’s about time!!!

Brit’s visitation rights have been “suspended pending further order of the court.”

The court ordered Kevin to have sole physical custody of the kids until a further hearing on January 14.

You can read the full court document here.

Hey, you know who we haven’t written about yet today?

Britney Spears!

Heh heh.

Anyway. Page Six is reporting that, after the custody hearing yesterday, Britney immediately began drinking vodka. The court-appointed monitor and Alli were with Britney at her Mulholland Drive home, trying to calm her down, but as Britney’s emotional state worsened she locked herself inside the master suite bathroom. Eventually, Alli used a hammer to break the door down and then called emergency services.

Another source says that Britney had recently “freaked out” on Kevin after hearing reports that he’d been flirting with her frenemy Paris Hilton. We reported on this earlier in the week, and at the time I was like, “What is Britney going to do to retaliate?” I thought she might, like, dye her hair blue or, at the worst, dye the kids’ hair blue, but this is some crazy-ass Medea shit.

TAKE THOSE KIDS AWAY!

Why do famous people get all the hot guys?

This is bullshit.

I’d be that happy, too, if I were sucking face with that dude. Then I wouldn’t have to be all bitter and grumpy and writing mean things about other people for a living.

Anyway.

Poppy Montgomery and her boyfriend, Adam Kaufman, welcomed a son on December 23.

“Poppy and Adam are over the moon,” says her rep.

The couple’s son, Jackson Phillip Kaufman, was born in Los Angeles and weighed 7 lbs., 4 oz. It’s the first child for the pair.

Look, not to be all old-school and conservative, but does anyone fucking get married anymore? I guess it doesn’t matter — everyone divorces anyway — but isn’t it appropriate to go through the motions? Maybe not. Maybe marriage is dead. That would be good, because if marriage is dead I don’t have to feel so bad about being old and unmarried. Maybe I don’t have to be bitter anymore. Eh, fuck it. I’ll stay bitter. Bitter is comfortable. Sorry for the rants, guys, I’m sick today, and I’m on my period, so I’m extra super grumpy. The good side of that is that I’ve given myself permission to consume to entire box of Reeses Whipps I bought at Costco yesterday. Seriously that box was meant for, like, a classroom of children to eat over the course of a month, and I’m going to eat it all today, thereby eliminating any chance that a man as hot as Adam Kaufman would ever want to impregnate me. But whatever. It makes me feel happy.

Anyway.

Congrats to Poppy and Adam!

Chris “Leave Britney Alone” Crocker leaves the Newsroom Cafe in LA. I can’t get over how much this kid looks like Heidi Montag. It’s funny every time.

What do you have to say for yourself now, Chris?

Should we leave Britney alone … to die???

Score
Britney Critics: 1
Chris Crocker: 0

Image via WENN

The Long Island Lolita, Amy Fisher, is promoting a sex tape she made with her husband, Louis Bellera.

Someone married this bitch????

Fisher said her husband, Louis Bellera, sold the sex tape to Red Light District video of Los Angeles in August when he and Fisher were divorcing. They have since reconciled, and Fisher said she took a six-figure payout rather than fight to have the video pulled from the Internet.

As a teenager, Fisher was sent to prison for seven years for shooting Mary Jo Buttafuoco, the wife of her former lover, Joey Buttafuoco. Buttafuoco, twice her age, served time for statutory rape for having sex with a 16-year-old.

Amy admits explaining what she does and why she is famous will be hard to do when her 6-year-old son and 3-year-old daughter get older.

You tell me: