Hey, you guys, you know what’s amazing?

The Butterfinger pies they have at Burger King now. I’m not even getting paid to say this, I swear. They’re just really, really freaking good. I find myself driving to Burger King, like, every day to get one. Like I went to get a spray tan today and ended up at Burger King instead. The car just goes there now. I tried one on a fluke, and it was the best decision I’ve ever made. It’s like a little slice of heaven in a cardboard box. They’re better than sex, I swear, and they seem to return my calls with about the same reliability.

Anyway.

The Mirror has some dumb “quote” from Rihanna about Josh Hartnett.

“I’ve fallen for him big time. He is so hot and he is really sweet to me. When we hang out it feels right – even though it’s still pretty new.”

Look, I totally agree that these two have fucked, but she didn’t say this. Firstly, because nobody says that. Honestly. Say those words aloud, and think to yourself “Would I ever say that? Would anyone I know ever say that?” and you’ll realize the answer is no. Secondly, because Josh has gone to great lengths to deny a romance, and, if she really had feelings for him, she wouldn’t fuck him over by going all public with it. She didn’t say this. But it’s a slow news day, so it’s getting reported here.

I’m going to eat my Butterfinger pie now and hope the day gets better.

On Monday, Riley Giles posted this on his MySpace blog:

ADVICE OF THE WEEK: if your a mom, with 4 kids, the best thing u can do for them right now is have a reality show. WE. DO. NOT. WANT. she had the nerve to ask us to be on. no thanks!

Oooh, ouch!

Doesn’t it sting when a 25-year-old snowboarder fresh out of rehab is offering you parenting advice, Dina? And he’s right?

Ouch. Ouch, ouch, ouch.

They can send bloggers all the freebies in the world; Katie Holmes’ new movie is still going to bomb. [popbytes]

Keira Knightley gets honest for Elle magazine. [INO]

Petra Nemcova is adorable. [FListed]

Mel Gibson’s son is, of course, in rehab. [Celebitchy]

Oh, good. Contestants will be able to play musical instruments on next season’s American Idol. I look forward to everyone singing Stairway to Heaven. [Celebrity Smack]

I love when Katherine Heigl smokes. Which is good, because that’s always. [Celebslam]

Video of Tyra Banks and the Vagina Puppet. Why use a puppet when Britney’s is always available? [The Blemish]

The hot new chick from House lends a hand to the WGA picketers. [Ninja Dude]

I had hoped it wouldn’t come to this.

Seriously, I’ve been sitting on these pictures all morning like, “I really don’t want to run these. Please let something happen. I really don’t want to have to run these.” But nothing has happened, guys, so I’m sorry.

Here’s Paris and Nicky tooling around Japan. They’re promoting some line of handbags and, tragically, helping to choose the new Miss Japan. Which is totally appropriate, because if anyone’s in a position to select the woman who best represents the culture and background of Japan, it’s someone who thinks a kamikaze is a shot they serve at Les Deux.

In fact, I am so annoyed with this whole story that I almost didn’t notice that Paris is dressed like a 5-year-old on Easter. I mean, there’s fashion-forward, and then there’s pink fucking tights, Paris.

And I like how all the pictures from this event are taken from, like, two feet off the ground, looking up. Are the Japanese really that short?

Okay, I’ll stop now. Back to hunting for stories.

BREAKING FUCKING NEWS!!!!

Violet Motherfucking Affleck can sing that one song from Pinocchio!!!!

Oh my God.

Lindsay. Please. Drink, honey. Please drink.

Bear with me today, kids.

‘It could all go away tomorrow if I’m at a club drinking like an asshole. Someone like Lindsay Lohan’s personality is [more] famous than her performance. You’ve got to maintain some mystery. Part of me wants to go out and see my peers. But if I go to a club and get my picture in the press, then I am that young Hollywood asshole. That would shatter my world…. There’s no way you get Tom Hanks’ career without thinking about this stuff. Everyone turns 21. Not everyone gets to be in Indiana Jones.”

Shia LaBeouf, in June 2007, to Entertainment Weekly. Shia was arrested this weekend for drunkenly trespassing at a Chicago Walgreens.